Dating profile, part 2

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thank you! i am going to take the compliment as a compliment lol.

i tend to think it is possible to get to know people pretty well online prior to meeting in person.


i would not consider him decent if he is not being truthful with me. i would also expect him to tell me if he is in a wheelchair or if he is hearing impaired or if he is a trans FtoM. i rejected a man once in real life because he was untruthful about his age, so yes - i would reject someone who did not disclose something that important.


right, so i don't get the problem with adding a name to it, especially if it is already evident to other people. i have said it before, that if people can tell anyway it can and often does lead to rejection because a guy is behaving "like an aspie" but the woman has no idea why (or vice versa, for AS women).

i understand people not wanting to slap it onto ther profile like a sign around their necks, but i do think sharing it once a dialogue is established is an important part of building trust. on the other thread, i also agreed that it is an okay subject on a first meeting.


i don't really understand how that would hurt my appeal. men can only partially assist other men at understanding how women think or how they make choices (and the same goes for women giving other women advice - it entrenches women in repeating the same mistakes instead of moving ahead).

it's true that men and women are often on opposite sides on this forum, and part of the problem is that there is a frank unwillingness for either gender to consider the opinions of the opposite sex. and i believe that in dating we should be listening to the opposite sex more and not less.

if you want to date blondes, the logical idea is to gather information from many sources, but pay special attention to what the blondes tell you, because they are your target.


well... pessimism doesn't seem to work very well. and lack of success on a dating site for a limited period of time would not necessarily translate into a lifetime of loneliness.

if a method is unsuccessful for a period of time, then changing it might help. so if a person is unsuccessful when leaving out information, then it simply cannot get any worse if that information is introduced. or vice versa.


a short note to anyone else who responds: it's been a slice arguing about this, but we are talking in circles. i've said everything i could possibly say on this issue (and really, so have you). so i'm just letting you know in advance that i won't be arguing about this anymore. so you can respond if you want, but i'm out.

Agreed 100%.

Don't get caught up in the "label" of AS.... that is not the real issue. The issue is the communication troubles that are associated with AS in relationships.

Try and focus on those difficulties as they arise, and work around them.

If and when you reach the "serious" stage of a relationship, then it is important to make her aware of things like your AS, and any skeletons in your closet.

Labelling yourself as AS right away is just shooting yourself in the foot... same goes with any other touchy personal info (IE discussing your criminal record, STI's, past marriages, etc.)

I did mean it.

I would answer more, but you dinna want to play no more

Crickey, wish I'd written my first post more carefully.

no, it was fun to argue! but i get overwrought and i don't always like to disagree with the people i respect the most. i was a bit worried i wan't very nice. i debate lots in real life, but i have to be careful not to push too hard sometimes.

I disagree with people who have made the "Should one tell their potential dating partner about AS right away?" question into a matter of male opinion versus female opinion. I think, in most cases, it should not be discussed early on for exactly the reasons many have already mentioned. And I'm fairly confident that I am not a man.

if you reread my comment, you would see i said most men/most women - not all. it is doubtful that any argument on these forums is ever 100% gender biased, but this is one that fell largely upon gender lines.

I did not mean to say (and I did not get the impression) that you were referring to all men and all women, but mentioning the sexes at all is polarizing it in a way that I do not see as accurate. Maybe you are correct in doing so, though, and I am just the odd one out. I usually am when it comes to these things.

i see what you mean. what i was trying to get at was the idea the people who agreed with each side tended to fall within a certain gender (most of the people who agreed with X are women, and most of the people who agreed with Y are men). this is distinct from saying that all or most people of a gender must feel a certain way (most women agreed with X, and most men agreed with Y).

it's the same distinction between the phrases
-most trees are green
-most green things are trees

this allows that some women and some men don't agree along gender lines.

I think if there's a disagreement that is gender biased, it reveals something interesting about the different ways men and women approach dating (or have to).

it seems to be that round these parts, men struggle more with dating and dating sites. Women here (from what I've seen) don't seem to have such problems getting into the initial stages of dating if they really want to.

It's an issue that's piqued me becuase I struggle and I don't need a weird label hanging over things to make it worse. I'm already weird enough without it.

Someone who's gotten to know and like you can be more forgiving of an unknown thing. A stranger perusing a site where there's two similar guys, one with a syndrome tag, and the other without, it's just natural to skip over the one with the tag. A dating site profile is like an advert, it's supposed to be glossy.

I think hyperlexian, that you assume that people are going to be engaging in deep online relationships before they even think about meeting, and I don't think that's usually what happens. It might, but I've found that people generally want to progress things into 'real life' quite quickly, or they lose interest.

I know you said you don't want to talk about it, but I obviously feel like I need another word on it.

This is amusing, just appeared on the front page. Kinda synchronistic. http://www.wrongplanet.net/article399.html

Fair enough, do so.



Nothing personal but I just don't trust anyone until I get to know them. You seem to be missing the point that someone is still a stranger until you meet them in person. Trust needs to be established first, you know.

By the way, I don't believe mentioning AS in your profile acts as a filter at all. What I think it's more likely to do is, turn off people who might of otherwise given you a chance had they known you a bit better. Someone who knows you personally is more likely to be patient than someone who just happens to browse through your profile. Nobody who reads a profile is going look into more detail on what Asperger syndrome is. They will simply stop reading at word word syndrome. Do you know why? Because you're a stranger.



Once again, mentioning AS does not act as a filter. If the person reading your profile doesn't know what AS is, then it won't help them to understand you better. Not only doesn't it help a potential mate to understand you better, it doesn't help you to get any dates either. So basically, mentioning As is not beneficial to anyone.



I don't see how that's telling at all.

And one more thing, how is not mentioning AS in the first 3 or 4 conversations the same as lying? Sorry, but that example you gave about rejecting a man because he misrepresented his age is a lot different from this scenario. To do that, he would either have to of used a photograph from 10 years ago or directly make an untrue statement, like saying he was 26 when he was actually 65. That is outright deception. On the other hand, I have never directly lied nor have I misrepresented any information I have given. All I have done is to withheld information that I feel is not ready for disclosure. As far as I know, there is no fixed rule as to how much information should be disclosed in what time interval.

I disagree with this. I've had many friends on the internet, much closer than a lot of the "friends" I've had IRL. They often know me much better than RL people as well.

Having a completely on-line friendship with someone is something different from what I was referring. I meant that in the context of on-line dating, you don't really know someone until you meet them in person because that's when the relationship starts. It's more like a blind date in a way. I think Hyperlexian assumes that internet dating means that we all have deep on-line relationships before meeting in person. However, I think a dating site is just a mechanism for organizing to meet a new person in new person in real life.

By the, I seem to have run out of questions to ask the girl I was chatting with. Does anyone know what the best way is to ask her if she would like to meet? I think I would like to do that.

This. Conceivably it can be used to form online relationships, but that is not the focus, and I would hazard a guess that most people are using it to create initial, superficial connections with the intention/hope of turning them into deeper 'real life' relationships.

no, i'm done. in fact, i'm done with WP. i am so sick of hearing how much easier women have it than men. this is my last comment on my last thread. i'll still check my PMs for a while, because i want to make sure people can contact me offsite. but as for threads, enough is enough.

YES it is easier for women to get a random f**k. YES it is easier for women to get shallow men to approach them online if they are reasonably good-looking. but so what? the result rates of successful relationships are the same for men and women - because the successful people are dating each other.

and if there are more men than women signed up on dating sites, then of course the competition amongst men will be steep. that doesn't mean it is easy for women to establish the relationships that they desire.

there are more aspie men than women in existence - 5 to 10 times as many. that means probably 5 to 10 times as many on WP, and 5 to 10 times as many complaining about being single. that does not equal more difficulty for men.

EDIT: took out the part about Moog, cuz it isn't his fault that the boards can be a bit of a cesspool at times. i just care about his opinion a lot (and we are still speaking of course. i have tons of respect for him, just couldn't handle a harsh disagreement from someone i care about). i really can't do the forum thing anymore. this was an experiment for me. some people are suited to it, others are not.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 04 Jan 2011, 9:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Make sure you are ready to meet her first because you dont seem too sure and Ill go with something like would you like to grab a coffee sometime?.

Women usually dont like palying games but maybe thats too straightforward.