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namaste
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16 Mar 2013, 1:26 am

ArrantPariah wrote:
kouzoku wrote:

A lot of poor people in both Asia and America like their liquor and cigarettes. In Asia, a man may spend 1/3 of his income just to sully his lungs with cigarettes. Usually, women don't smoke or drink liquor, unless they are prostitutes, as it is considered unfeminine.


Drinking and smoking by women is utterly frowned down here in India.
And women are not supposed to overdress or be fashionable
In west applying makeup, dressing well and being extrovert is considered necessity.

But in india women should be simply dressed, without makeup and talking with men is big taboo

I was raised that way and i find it difficult to keep up with the culture in big cities where
many girls were raised in liberalised way.

My husbands side girls are modern, western and they drink a lot.


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16 Mar 2013, 1:36 am

Cafeaulait wrote:

I was in India last summer. To be honest, I would feel horrible if I had to live in India for the rest of my life. You can barely go over street alone if you are a woman. A friend of mine got squeezed in her butt twice when we were there.

What's life like for you in India?

Ya eve teasing is common here. Considering the frustration in men their pervasive mentality. Most of them are under influence of alcohol, many of them have left their wive and children back in village and are living alone in cities to make a living.

Many of them are not educated. Illiteracy coupled with poverty is a big problem.

Women are supposed to be fully clothed, covered and if they see a foreign women who is semi clad then they make her a target.

If you travel to india its better to be fully covered and keep a simple appearance and travel in groups

Life for me here has been a mixed bag. Primarily since i was brought up in a disfunctional family, which is not common here in india
there are strong family values and our family was exception. It was more like being from a slum or below poverty line
A alcoholic psychotic father, abusive mother, cold brother and relatives who never bothered to interact or associate with me.
The culture or love is other families are strong but in my house it was absent.

India has lot of natural beauty, lovely palaces, artefacts to see and enjoy. I have travelled to the backwaters of kerala,
palaces of rajasthan, forts of gwalior, Taj Mahal of Agra, Searched for tigers in Sunderbans the largest mangrove forest in the world
and also meditated on the calm banks of ganga in Rishikesh.


I hope you enjoyed the Indian tour otherwise.


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16 Mar 2013, 2:23 am

I had mixed results with Indian women. Some are stand-off, some are very open and approachable. I can't remember how I got the one person to open up to me and talk to me, she even came back to me with her number. But I didn't recognise her with all the make-up, so I freaked out.



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16 Mar 2013, 3:34 am

Stalk wrote:
I had mixed results with Indian women. Some are stand-off, some are very open and approachable. I can't remember how I got the one person to open up to me and talk to me, she even came back to me with her number. But I didn't recognise her with all the make-up, so I freaked out.
Greet them with namaste *givin if their language is Hindi some speak Tamul etc* India has like 50 different dialects. namaste...ob ke seho...her most likely responce will be teekeh then respond back ob ke se hey!! They get really happy when you greet them in their language. Tamul the greeting is wannacum thats all i know in Tamul though that and nundri = thankyou. Oh and doniovad is thankyou in Hindi. :D


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ArrantPariah
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16 Mar 2013, 7:51 am

AspieOtaku wrote:
Tamul the greeting is wannacum


Now that does sound like very inviting greeting. :lol:



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16 Mar 2013, 10:40 am

namaste wrote:
Its not easy to adjust with so many people. usually the girl merely ends up as a servant doing all the chores around the house. Right from cooking, cleaning, taking care of husbands needs, in-laws needs.

And if that is not enough the girls parents have to provide a hefty amount of money as dowry to get her married. The dowry could be house, car, jewellery, cash.

There is also pressure to bear a male child and continue with the family lineage. Overall marriage is a great pressure in indian households. There are many divorces in cities


In other parts of Asia, it is the bride's parents who expect the dowry.

I know that India has a gender imbalance, because, when a woman finds that she is going to give birth to a girl, the family often says "Oh my God! We had better abort this one, or she will end up costing us a FORTUNE!" In Thailand, where they can look forward to a lucrative sin sod, parents would be more likely to keep the girl.

With the shortage in women, I should think that Indian men would be under pressure to reduce their dowry requirements. The girl's parents could hold out for a man who didn't want a dowry at all, or who would even sweeten the deal with a reverse dowry.



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16 Mar 2013, 12:09 pm

ArrantPariah wrote:
In other parts of Asia, it is the bride's parents who expect the dowry.

I know that India has a gender imbalance, because, when a woman finds that she is going to give birth to a girl, the family often says "Oh my God! We had better abort this one, or she will end up costing us a FORTUNE!" In Thailand, where they can look forward to a lucrative sin sod, parents would be more likely to keep the girl.

With the shortage in women, I should think that Indian men would be under pressure to reduce their dowry requirements. The girl's parents could hold out for a man who didn't want a dowry at all, or who would even sweeten the deal with a reverse dowry.

No shortage of women has not reduced dowry requirements
instead in northern india where there is shortage of girls
they bring in girls from southern india and get them married
earlier lot of importance was given to caste, customs and even intercaste marriages were not allowed
because there were lot of high caste and low caste people were graded based on their caste
even now when there is love marriage and boy from low caste marries a high caste girl they are axed to death
in a attempt to protect older traditions people go to any extent


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16 Mar 2013, 2:51 pm

Traditions usually make some sort of sense when they are first started. After a while, people keep the traditions going, even when they serve no purpose or may even be harmful, just for the sake of keeping traditions going.

Possibly, in India's past, you had a shortage of men compared to women, possibly due to extended warfare with high casualties. At that time, it might have made sense for families to pay men to marry their daughters.

But now, one would think that families with daughters to marry would have the upper hand. If there are multiple men interested in the same girl, then what would prevent the girl's parents from negotiating for the best deal?



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16 Mar 2013, 3:26 pm

ArrantPariah wrote:
Traditions usually make some sort of sense when they are first started. After a while, people keep the traditions going, even when they serve no purpose or may even be harmful, just for the sake of keeping traditions going.

Possibly, in India's past, you had a shortage of men compared to women, possibly due to extended warfare with high casualties. At that time, it might have made sense for families to pay men to marry their daughters.

But now, one would think that families with daughters to marry would have the upper hand. If there are multiple men interested in the same girl, then what would prevent the girl's parents from negotiating for the best deal?


I think the first and most fundamental tradition is survival. A cavemen who was chauvinist enough to protect and provide for his woman and children was genetically propagated. Those who decided otherwise, left their offspring to fend for themselves. Traditionally, natural selection has fallen in favor of those who have the characteristics of family survival. Today, in the western world, a father doesn't need to be much more than a drunken sperm donor on a Saturday night - the children are provided for one way or another. Asia is substantially poor and dependent on the traditional family. Hmmm. If mom is using her life experience to avoid dweebs for her son or daughter, she becomes part of the selection process. And, if mom is looking for the best marital compatibility characteristics, that becomes a selection criteria. Feminists, prepare your flamethrowers in response to the following question: Does the theoretical possibility exist that Asian women are more compatible with men due to natural and societal selection forces that have been working for more than a thousand years?



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16 Mar 2013, 3:58 pm

namaste wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Also, I am not sure if this is common in India, but sometimes the guy/girl's mother (rarely the father) actively seeks a suitable wife for her already adult son LOL - the suitor might be anyone she knows: a friend's daughter, a young coworker, a neighbor or even a girl she just exchanged little chat in the bus or supermarket . It is traditionally believed that the mother knows what's the best match for her son; in many cases the mother approaches the girl and bluntly asks her if she's taken, if not then she invites her and introduces her to her son. lol

The daughter's mother sometimes does the same but more subtly, she would either probe for a suitor through her connections and friends or, if there's a specific suitor in her mind, she would try to make some plan to make him meets her daughter, it might an invitation for a dinner to his family or something like that.


Yes its correct. The boys mother seeks a bride for her son. In villages the match is found through word of mouth. Since villages everyone knows each other. But in cities the bride is found only through marriage bureau, middlemen, matrimonial website and matrimonial columns in newspapers.


My bad, I meant to say "I am not sure if this is common in India too" - I was talking about where I live.

I see that India and Middle-East are very similar from what I am reading here. So all those marriage/family traditions aren't Islamic in origin after all.




Quote:
SInce in india there is joint family system the parents of groom selects the girl because the girl should be adjustable. SHe should be able to handle the temperaments of the people in the house. Each household will have 4-5 children. So the girl coming in will have a brother in law, sister in law, mother and father in law, grandparents, brother in laws children to adjust and accomodate with.

Its not easy to adjust with so many people. usually the girl merely ends up as a servant doing all the chores around the house. Right from cooking, cleaning, taking care of husbands needs, in-laws needs.



I don't get that part much, doesn't she end up like this for good? Don't the newly married couple get their own house?

Quote:
And if that is not enough the girls parents have to provide a hefty amount of money as dowry to get her married. The dowry could be house, car, jewellery, cash.


Like Egypt, where the bride's parents provide the dowry and the house - In the levant it's the opposite: It's the groom's responsibility to provide the house and the wedding's costs and, in the more conservative families/areas, his parents provide a dowry.



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16 Mar 2013, 4:31 pm

Indian male acquaintance I know, he lives in house on his father's property. Everything is tied to his father, his father decides what goes for what. His wife whom he married when he was very young. They are still together and have 3 kids. He knows that his wife does have to take a lot from his family, but she sticks around. What I noticed was that she doesn't carry his surname. Another thing I noticed was in Islam he is allowed to have up to 4 wives. But she will have a say in this story.

in my country we have 9 different black cultures here. In some they have something called Lebola, where the the husband's family has to pay and negotiate on behalf of the future husband. Either in cows or money or something to trade. Example would be. The family member like the uncle has to pay to enter the house, pay to sit down, pay to talk and pay for the father of the bride to talk to them. Some kind of tradition they hold. Mixed race here don't really follow that tradition, unless if it is religion, like islam or christianity. I don't think the indians here speak Indian or hindi. Maybe from the city of Durban, there is a large population of Indians.



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17 Mar 2013, 2:16 am

ArrantPariah wrote:
Traditions usually make some sort of sense when they are first started. After a while, people keep the traditions going, even when they serve no purpose or may even be harmful, just for the sake of keeping traditions going.

Possibly, in India's past, you had a shortage of men compared to women, possibly due to extended warfare with high casualties. At that time, it might have made sense for families to pay men to marry their daughters.

But now, one would think that families with daughters to marry would have the upper hand. If there are multiple men interested in the same girl, then what would prevent the girl's parents from negotiating for the best deal?

Multiple men interested in same girl ya but all would be having some demand or another.

I remember when a groom was searched for me there was a couple who often visited us and showed interest in getting me married to their son.
But they had one issue they wanted me to get over with my probation period and become a permanent employee in the current firm
They kept dilly dallying the marriage till i would get a confirmation or permanency letter from the company

Finally my present in laws came by with proposal they wanted the flat which my parents owned and they werent so much interested in the job permanency
So my parent selected their proposal since me holding a permanent job is next to impossible.

So yes there are different deals and one has to strike or negotiate somewhere or other.


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17 Mar 2013, 2:36 am

ShelbyGt500 wrote:
Asia is substantially poor and dependent on the traditional family. Does the theoretical possibility exist that Asian women are more compatible with men due to natural and societal selection forces that have been working for more than a thousand years?

Indian society is predominantly male dominated. If a girl falls in love with someone the village panchayat(law makers) blacken her face, make her sit on donkey, make her parade with garland of sandals
http://www.ndtv.com/topic/khap-panchayat
Girls have no say in anything. After she is married her husbands decides what she should do and shouldnt do. her inlaws decide what she should wear and with whom she should talk.
Freedom is not given to the indian girls.
And its not easy to live alone in india if you are a girl. Like someone mentioned earlier they were eve teased. Yes if you are single the men will hoard on you like vultures. They will make your life difficult.
And in oldage there are not much facility for old age homes like in west. Where everyone signs themself to settle in a old age home. Here in india those facilities are less.
Plus emergency services are pathetic. Unlike west where there is 911 here if a person lives alone and suffers heart attack they may keep dialing a ambulance but get no answer.
There are many senior citizen found dead etc here and many people who live alone are also dying in mysterious circumstances due to lack of any support from NGO, social services, police etc.
Unlike in west where child abuse raises security issues and child is taken away from parents. Here in india children are found around every corner doing child labour.
Conditions are pathetic with red light areas, child sex rackets, women stolen and sold into prostitution.
Many in laws setting there daughter in law on fire and killing them and getting away from law.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldne ... -rise.html
Then they find a other girl and get their son married again.
Everything happens openly, laws are lenient
corruption is rampant
politicians are crooks


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17 Mar 2013, 2:44 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I don't get that part much, doesn't she end up like this for good? Don't the newly married couple get their own house?

Like Egypt, where the bride's parents provide the dowry and the house - In the levant it's the opposite: It's the groom's responsibility to provide the house and the wedding's costs and, in the more conservative families/areas, his parents provide a dowry.

No most of the houses there are joint family system. And the girl has to adjust with so many people whom she barely knows and they can be any kind of people. There are many cases of housewives committing suicide nowadays alongwith their children. The mental torture becomes too much to bear
http://www.in.com/news/current-affairs/ ... -in-1.html


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17 Mar 2013, 2:48 am

Stalk wrote:
Indian male acquaintance I know, he lives in house on his father's property. Everything is tied to his father, his father decides what goes for what. His wife whom he married when he was very young. They are still together and have 3 kids. He knows that his wife does have to take a lot from his family, but she sticks around. What I noticed was that she doesn't carry his surname. Another thing I noticed was in Islam he is allowed to have up to 4 wives. But she will have a say in this story.

.

THey are not living here in india so they are little bit modern in their thinking
but if they were here in india probably things would have been different
and definitely girl has to take her husbands surname and family ancestral names


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17 Mar 2013, 6:09 am

In my opinion all women are equally as beautiful and worthy to be with one has to look beyond ethnic background and look more into campatability personality wise otherwise it wont work out. People may have preferences but because of dating the person specifically for just race is not so healthy in my opinion.


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