Feeling undatable

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nobody's perfect, it does no good to put our prospective dates upon a perfect pedestal, for whom we must perfectly perform to their satisfaction, it works both ways, they must take care to not drive us away themselves.

Who is it that mistreats you? Is it people at work or more like friends and family?

when one is the omega at the base of the totem pole, all the $#!+ rains down on one's head from above.

I don't mean to sound negative, but if most guys seem interested it seems like they loose interest within a few minutes. It seems like the ones that do show interest like others a lot more so it seems impossible for me to ever be in a real relationship because it seems like it always happens, unless it's someone I'm not attracted to. I don't really have much experience with any kind of physical affection and it feels like I'm running out of time.

boo. are you frickin kidding me. what's the matter with you? are you the grinch or what? you gotta stop haunting l&d like this

That's not PC, though, it's the truth--she has no problem! The problem is with the guys who won't give her a chance. And thatcs thier loss. Her posts are thoughtful, articulate, and show a need to understand feeling and place in the world. She sounds like an ideal partner. If she struggles, it's probably from not fitting a stereotype that narrow-minded people are looking for. Many people are trying to live up to an image. They think they need a certain house, kids who are a certain way, and a partner who fits with this. They are afraid of real individuality in themselves and others, because individuality means dealing with unknowns and having real confidence to live as yourself. They would miss out on what could be a very deep and fulfilling relationship with her (and many others) because they think being like everyone else will mean they are "living right."

@boo: that is not the problem

okay, taking a step back here. it's the old "not what you say, but how you say it". it's obvious to me from my point of view, but it may not be to you

the thing is, yes, she may lack a certain kind of attribute to draw and hold people's attention. and, as you suggested, it's probably something that can't be changed. but then... that means it's just not a good idea to "look into it". it's a good idea to look elsewhere instead. and the same applies for yourself. there's no point in focusing on what can't be changed. and changing it might not even be desirable anyway. who knows if she wouldn't just be attracting guys who are actually not compatible with her (probably the case, actually)

for instance: maybe there are certain people who actually would be drawn to her in person just the way she already is, and it's more a matter of finding the right environment to facilitate the encounter. or maybe not. then there's the internet, there's other types of social interaction that don't involve dating (online or offline) and so on. you move on from what doesn't make sense to what might possibly make sense, and you keep doing it until eventually you get somewhere. that's how you solve a problem

but then instead, what you do is you just go laser-focus on whatever doesn't work, and you stay there, and you repeat the same process with anyone around. and to me that really seems to be your problem with women. you have a good sense of humor, you're smart, you're a good-looking guy, you care about social causes that matter, but you're just so negative when it comes to personal relationships

you find solutions when you realize that you have a problem to solve, not that you are a problem to solve. what i see here is that instead of doing that, you simply try to convince other people into buying a lifetime membership to your self-pity club. that's just not the way to go