22 Sep 2018, 8:36 pm
cberg wrote:
For what it's worth, it's quite liberating to throw this whole unwritten rule book out any window you please. I don't arrange dates or label relationships anymore because I realized that was an unhealthy way of evaluating who's really important to me. The facts of who really matters to you actually have little to do with sexuality.
Brilliant
23 Sep 2018, 6:20 am
IsabellaLinton wrote:
cberg wrote:
For what it's worth, it's quite liberating to throw this whole unwritten rule book out any window you please. I don't arrange dates or label relationships anymore because I realized that was an unhealthy way of evaluating who's really important to me. The facts of who really matters to you actually have little to do with sexuality.
Brilliant
At least there are some sane people here.
23 Sep 2018, 6:27 am
23 Sep 2018, 6:28 am
23 Sep 2018, 6:35 am
23 Sep 2018, 6:44 am
goldfish21
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23 Sep 2018, 2:20 pm
rdos wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
I’ve never said quantity > quality. But for the guys here that get Zero dates, a quantity of 1 or more is definitely better. There’s a very simple (for me) communication process to go from first contact to meeting in person & a number of people on this forum have not managed to master it, yet alone figure it out at all. These people Need self help guidance so they can learn to do better for themselves.
No, they don't need the advice from somebody that had 100s of one-night-stands, and never was in a relationship. They need advice from people that managed to find a compatible partner and got into a fulfilling relationship with him/her. If I was a single guy and sought advice, I wouldn't listen to anybody that wasn't ND and didn't have a fulfilling relationship that lasted at least a few years. I find that a basic required skill before teaching other NDs.
Hmm, if I were a single aspie guy wanting to date, I'd prefer to take advice from the guy who has managed to go from first contact online to meeting more than 500 people over the one who's had one relationship that started out with a several year crush followed by telepathic stalking. But that's just me - and I assume a lot of other people as well, considering they post here about longing for a traditional relationship; not a sci-fi fantasy one that could get them jailed for stalking. To each their own, though.
_________________
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for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.goldfish21
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23 Sep 2018, 2:22 pm
rdos wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I think dating should be like hanging out with a friend—but with the friend being an extra-special person in your life.
I think that is good advice.
kraftiekortie wrote:
I still can’t get into the “Love from afar”
thing. I don’t feel telepathic with people or whatever.
thing. I don’t feel telepathic with people or whatever.
I don't expect many people to be able to "copy" that, but it is important to understand how the natural process works. If you understand the natural process you might be able to find short-cuts and bend things without fighting your nature. If you just copy NTs you will mostly be a poor copy and will be fighting your nature all the time.
What you have described is not common or "natural." It's a very unique thing to You.
We're not suggesting they "copy NT's," but rather that they take lessons from regular, normal, relationships & replicate the process that humans go through to go from being single to in a relationship.
_________________
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for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.Last edited by goldfish21 on 23 Sep 2018, 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
23 Sep 2018, 3:13 pm
23 Sep 2018, 3:18 pm
goldfish21 wrote:
Hmm, if I were a single aspie guy wanting to date, I'd prefer to take advice from the guy who has managed to go from first contact online to meeting more than 500 people over the one who's had one relationship that started out with a several year crush followed by telepathic stalking. But that's just me - and I assume a lot of other people as well, considering they post here about longing for a traditional relationship; not a sci-fi fantasy one that could get them jailed for stalking. To each their own, though.
Stalking? You're completely nuts.
And, no, I wouldn't take any advice from somebody who claims to have met more than 500 people, yet has not succeeded in getting a relationship with any of them. That's utter failure to me. It doesn't matter that you claim you didn't want a relationship.
goldfish21
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23 Sep 2018, 4:23 pm
rdos wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Hmm, if I were a single aspie guy wanting to date, I'd prefer to take advice from the guy who has managed to go from first contact online to meeting more than 500 people over the one who's had one relationship that started out with a several year crush followed by telepathic stalking. But that's just me - and I assume a lot of other people as well, considering they post here about longing for a traditional relationship; not a sci-fi fantasy one that could get them jailed for stalking. To each their own, though.
Stalking? You're completely nuts.
And, no, I wouldn't take any advice from somebody who claims to have met more than 500 people, yet has not succeeded in getting a relationship with any of them. That's utter failure to me. It doesn't matter that you claim you didn't want a relationship.
Um, no, having a several year crush where you claim to have a mind-to-mind confirmation that you're supposed to follow someone around the city is completely nuts. When someone here tries to explain to a police officer that they were advised that this was the best way for a ND person to get into a relationship they're going to have a very rude awakening when they find out that the rest of the world calls this sort of one sided make believe relationship "stalking," and it is in fact against the law for very good & obvious reasons.
I have met more than 500 people & will continue to do so whenever I feel like it. It's never really been my objective to get into a relationship, so how you can possibly measure my success against that metric is completely baffling to me. That's not how I measure success. It hasn't been my goal. IF the guy I was seeing during the fall/winter of 2016 was interested in me, I might have ended up in a relationship. But that's not what happened & I've declined offers to date prior to that and since because it's not my thing.
You can call it "utter failure," all you want, but I haven't failed to do those things because I've never set out to do them. What part of that don't you understand? Uh, yes it does matter that I haven't wanted to get into a relationship. It matters because it hasn't been my objective, so I haven't "failed," to meet an objective I've never strived to achieve.
_________________
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for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.goldfish21
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23 Sep 2018, 4:26 pm
rdos wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
We're not suggesting they "copy NT's," but rather that they take lessons from regular, normal, relationships & replicate the process that humans go through to go from being single to in a relationship.
Same thing. What you describe is 100% NT, and so what you suggest is to learn to copy NTs.
No. They are normal/traditional human relationships. Relationships are relationships and the basics of them don't change just because you're on the autism spectrum.
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for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.23 Sep 2018, 4:30 pm
goldfish21
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23 Sep 2018, 6:18 pm
kraftiekortie wrote:
I don’t believe RDO would stalk a woman.
I think he’s married now.
It’s not my method, my style.
But he would go about it in a civilized fashion.
I think he’s married now.
It’s not my method, my style.
But he would go about it in a civilized fashion.
He doesn't use the word "stalk/stalking," but he also didn't use the word "telepathy," when describing.. telepathy.
He's suggesting people have a several year crush from afar, and just "know," in their mind that that girl wants them to follow her around a city and watch her. That's creepy af & Not how to go about initiating a relationship. Period.
Meanwhile, in goldfishy's reality, I'm confirming a date Tuesday even with an old fwb, have another arranged for Wednesday eve, and another for either Friday or Saturday eve. While none of these will likely result in a relationship (especially Tuesday - he's in a relationship, but they have an open understanding of each other doing as they please outside of it and within their rules.), none of them are just straight up hookups. All of them are with people who prefer actually spending time together and enjoying a date evening that'll very likely result in getting physical - but more.. sensual than primal - which is Very enjoyable, so I'm looking forward to each of them following through and happening. (Sometimes plans change.)
But hey, if telepathy and stalking are more your bag than basic human communication & agreeing to a date like normal people, then by all means, have at 'er. Just don't get caught by your stalkee or the police because nothing good will come of it.
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for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.23 Sep 2018, 7:58 pm
goldfish21
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23 Sep 2018, 8:28 pm
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
mrspock wrote:
since i lack a formal diagnosis its not illegal nor is there any way to stop it and in what way is it dishonest nts do all they can to make us miserable and this is karma baby
This is a really messed up way to think.
Agreed. Someone needs to learn that only his own reactions to and thoughts about NT’s can make him miserable. NT’s do not go out of their way to make him, or any of us, feel miserable.*
*Aside from the occasional bully. Some people are just jerks.
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