My problem with relationships and age

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auntblabby
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16 Feb 2022, 4:38 am

cyberdad wrote:

r00tb33r wrote:

Um... Yeah there's no reason to not experiment, but it's best not to enable delusions.

Always look at yourself through your potential date's eyes. Why date you? What do you have to offer?

Think of it as being a solution looking for a problem, or an answer looking for a question. Does one really fit the other? Based on this keep your expectations realistic.

Can't say that I'm not mildly curious about how it will go with an 18-year old.

[spoiler]Having acquired some life experience and aged a bit I find it difficult to talk to naive younger people about realities of life without patronizing them.
Dating someone who isn't on the same page about the realities of life will be frustrating at the very least.[/spoiler]

I think the OP can't get passed missing out. Until he does he needs to find a way to get it out of his system.

one good experience with a good escort using a reality fc2 inverse condom, it is not the GFE but at least he will have experienced good sex which by itself goes a long way.

r00tb33r
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16 Feb 2022, 4:42 am

auntblabby wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

how many lonely unwanted women decide to end it all, compared to men?

Mu understanding (and I'm no expert) is that women attempt suicide more often but usually don't go through with it. I think men commit suicide over girls/employment whereas for women it's depression over how they look or how they are treated by their female peers.

so there aren't enough unwanted women to figure in these stats then.

The problem is that many single women don't want a relationship unless the man ticks boxes.

no wonder sex dolls are a leading growth industry. what will happen in the distant future when sex dolls are the preferred way for most men to get sex? what then?

You have a thread about that in the Adult section of the forum... I can't squeeze out the paragraph of my thoughts on it, but is the relationship all about just the mechanical aspect of the sex? A relationship with a sex doll is not rewarding in any other way. If you do something nice for the doll, does it really appreciate it, does it really make a difference? If you do it for a doll, why don't you do it for a real person? Doing a nice deed for someone where it makes a difference is surprisingly rewarding when you see that person thrive, even if it's only emotional. It might help you think your existence has some purpose.

There's also behavioral accountability. You can just as easily mistreat this "thing", even if it has an AI, you could always push the reset button and the consequence of your behavior is lost and erased. With a real person you can't be abusive, the consequences keep your behavior in check. I think that's important, not developing unhealthy behavioral patterns.

auntblabby
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16 Feb 2022, 4:57 am

r00tb33r wrote:

I can't squeeze out the paragraph of my thoughts on it, but is the relationship all about just the mechanical aspect of the sex? A relationship with a sex doll is not rewarding in any other way. If you do something nice for the doll, does it really appreciate it, does it really make a difference? If you do it for a doll, why don't you do it for a real person? Doing a nice deed for someone where it makes a difference is surprisingly rewarding when you see that person thrive, even if it's only emotional. It might help you think your existence has some purpose. There's also behavioral accountability. You can just as easily mistreat this "thing", even if it has an AI, you could always push the reset button and the consequence of your behavior is lost and erased. With a real person you can't be abusive, the consequences keep your behavior in check. I think that's important, not developing unhealthy behavioral patterns.

you have much higher social functioning than me and likely are far more intelligent. that said, i can tell you that within my limited awareness i know that i and my "behavior patterns" would not harm another living thing. i especially would not harm my expensive dolly! i'm not a genius but i'm not exactly stupid either, at least in my own estimation. i am well aware that the doll is fundamentally a consolation prize in life [along with porn] for people who lack the social genes. i know not to expect bona-fide emotional feedback from it. but once the horniness is definitively relieved, my imagination can take it the rest of the way, and i'm not the only one who feels this way. you can't argue with the numbers. it is a growth field due to unfavorable social conditions in most western cultures.

Nades
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16 Feb 2022, 5:14 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

OP's problem is that he's too focused on marriage or serious commitments.

At age 40, yes it's very late to go for that.

Go for fun relationships, FWBs, and you wouldn't have the age gap problem nor imbalanced power dynamics (as long they're well adults above 21 or something).

I feel the same too. As people get older, leaving the track and venturing off on another becomes less appealing and hard work. They've sort of carved out a little niche for themselves and commited down a path of their own. While it's nice to hope for someone commited, chances are at 40 they have their own commitments that take priority and they need to be worked around.

I've arranged a FWB with a woman who seems keen on it. She's a single mother with multiple kids, I'm stuck in work usually doing 50+ hour weeks. I told her I/we just can't revert back to to when we were teens. Things have changed and I'm not keen on adopting a high maintenance family and she can't get the time she needs from me. FWB was the next best thing.

HighLlama
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16 Feb 2022, 5:20 am

r00tb33r wrote:

There's also behavioral accountability. You can just as easily mistreat this "thing", even if it has an AI, you could always push the reset button and the consequence of your behavior is lost and erased. With a real person you can't be abusive, the consequences keep your behavior in check. I think that's important, not developing unhealthy behavioral patterns.

If this were so important to people, in general, I think we'd live in a far different world. People will define abuse differently, and many put up with abuse, instead of checking it with consequence.

cyberdad
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16 Feb 2022, 5:56 am

auntblabby wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

r00tb33r wrote:

I think the OP can't get passed missing out. Until he does he needs to find a way to get it out of his system.

one good experience with a good escort using a reality fc2 inverse condom, it is not the GFE but at least he will have experienced good sex which by itself goes a long way.

Well that's not a bad idea

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16 Feb 2022, 7:46 am

ironpony wrote:

Not too sound too harsh against the OP, but I do understand why he just doesn't try going after younger women if they are more suitable for him. They may be more suited for him but at the same time, he is too ashamed to do it. Not to come off harsh, but I just wanted to give him a push in the hopefully right direction.

Sure, I can try that. But what reason do those women have to choose me over younger men?

r00tb33r wrote:

Having acquired some life experience and aged a bit I find it difficult to talk to naive younger people about realities of life without patronizing them.
Dating someone who isn't on the same page about the realities of life will be frustrating at the very least.

^this

r00tb33r wrote:

Always look at yourself through your potential date's eyes. Why date you? What do you have to offer?

Excellent point. I'm morbidly obese, have very low testostrone levels, suffer from extreme anxiety and depression, and have no stamina or energy. I am broke and have bad credit, possess no property or assets, don't own a home and rent a room in someone else's house. I drive a piece of junk and I likely will not afford to replace it when it breaks down.

And before anyone says "but you have a masters"; let me remind you all that it is in a field that is notoriously low paying, and obtaining it put me over $175K in debt.

r00tb33r
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16 Feb 2022, 7:59 am

What's your master's in?

Maybe take a fellowship and teach an intro class while you Pile higher and Deeper some college babes in return for tutoring.

dorkseid
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16 Feb 2022, 8:49 am

r00tb33r wrote:

What's your master's in?

Special education.

r00tb33r wrote:

Maybe take a fellowship and teach an intro class while you Pile higher and Deeper some college babes in return for tutoring.

That sounds predatory.

Mona Pereth
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16 Feb 2022, 8:58 am

dorkseid wrote:

r00tb33r wrote:

What's your master's in?

Special education.

If you could be involved in helping to build an organization of neurodivergent special ed teachers (an organization that doesn't exist yet, as far as I am aware, but is desperately needed), then you would have opportunities to encounter lots of neurodivergent women. Special ed is a female-dominated field.

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theprisoner
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16 Feb 2022, 9:03 am

dorkseid wrote:

. I'm morbidly obese, have very low testostrone levels, suffer from extreme anxiety and depression, and have no stamina or energy. I am broke and have bad credit, possess no property or assets, don't own a home and rent a room in someone else's house. I drive a piece of junk and I likely will not afford to replace it when it breaks down.
$175K in debt.

You're just going to have to work to improve your situation, like everybody else.

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Last edited by theprisoner on 16 Feb 2022, 9:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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16 Feb 2022, 9:04 am

I think he was just kidding about the "young babes."

He advises you to go for your PhD.

auntblabby
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16 Feb 2022, 9:12 am

my weight has been up and down my whole life. but i can tell you that when it was at a low ebb, i at least felt better about myself/more attractive even if i still was a socially r*t*rded dweeb alone on saturday nights and no life prospects whatsoever. it made it easier for me to hold my head up high and stroll through the world regardless. by and large i did it with diet [no refined carbs!]. i do hope the OP can do likewise, he doesn't have to run marathons to lose weight, just change diet, the weight will come off because it has no choice but to come off.

ironpony
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16 Feb 2022, 9:51 am

dorkseid wrote:

ironpony wrote:

Sure, I can try that. But what reason do those women have to choose me over younger men?

r00tb33r wrote:

^this

r00tb33r wrote:

Always look at yourself through your potential date's eyes. Why date you? What do you have to offer?

Oh I see. I'm so sorry to hear about those things. And you don't want to give the FWB thing a shot either, because maybe then you still have some intimacy and the glass is half full maybe still?

ironpony
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16 Feb 2022, 9:59 am

As for this whole thing about the going for younger women will cause power imbalances, it seems to me that the OP is no more advanced than women in their late teens/early 20s, and the OP doesn't have a lot of money at all compared to someone that age either it seems, so would there really be a power imbalance therefore?

auntblabby
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16 Feb 2022, 10:00 am

it is more a mismatch of life experience.

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