Is looking for autistic women a realistic option?

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I did. And I said "fine, have it your way", then he starts screaming he will kill himself. So now I said something else

I spent a lot of time with women I liked. I had conversations with them. Did fun activities with them. Let them know I like them. And they did find me charming and funny and sweet. But in the end they always insisted they only like me as a friend.



My apologies for not responding when it was convenient for your standards.

Did you ever ask any of these women for advice on how to do better with other women in the future?

I think I asked you the above before. I don't recall seeing an answer, but if you did answer this question already, please point me to your answer.

Not to sound bad by saying this, but in my experience, a lot of women do not seem to be good at giving advice to men on how to attract them.

I have asked my women friends in the past, and how to attract and entice women, and their advice was either incorrect, or they just didn't want to give any on that, and just tried to avoid it.

But when I ask guys on how do to attract women, guys who were good at it, their advice worked a lot better for me. So I wonder if this is common therefore, maybe asking guys that are good at it, might be more effective possibly?

I don't know what to make of this. Some women might indeed not be comfortable giving such advice to a man in the first place, but if a woman is comfortable giving such advice, I don't see why she would give incorrect advice, unless perhaps she is over-generalizing from herself to other women?

In any case, I think dorkseid needs advice from someone who knows him in-person. I suspect he might have some problem he is not fully aware of, that only someone who knows him in-person would be able to detect, like maybe he smells bad?

i didn't know i smelled bad until it was rudely pointed out to me by rude people. mebbe there is something about at least some men on the spectrum that adversely influences their awareness of their own body odors?

Even if you don't "limit" yourself, autistic (or otherwise neurodivergent) women are likely to be among your best bets.


Regardless of the actual general statistics (disputed/discussed earlier in this thread), the male-to-female ratio here on Wrong Planet, and in other similar forums (of which two others are listed here, on my website), is close to fifty-fifty. That's probably because women in general, including autistic women, are more likely than men to discuss intimate matters in an online forum.


True, and there are plenty of asexual women here on WP, plus some lesbians, but there are also plenty of heterosexual and bisexual women here.


That's true, but many autistic women have had difficulty forming longterm committed relationships with NT men. An autistic man is more likely to be loyal.


Limited, but not nonexistent. So, I would suggest that you try to avoid pissing in the pool.

Below are some suggestions on possible ways to modify your way of participating here, to remove obvious barriers to getting to know any single hetero/bi women in your target age range who live near you and who may join WP in the future:

1) Stop posting endless thread after thread after thread about how awful you feel because you can't find a girlfriend. It's okay to post about this occasionally, but, if it's more than a small minority of your posts, that's a likely big turnoff (except perhaps to a woman who might be out to take advantage of you). I would suggest that you post more threads on other topics, such as this one. Even better, let's see some threads about your experiences, as a special ed teacher, with autistic kids, and your thoughts about how they are treated by the educational establishment.

2) Display your actual general location, not "Tarkon Galtos," in your profile. Hopefully there's at least a general regional location you would feel comfortable displaying, even if you don't want to be too specific about it, to protect your privacy.

3) Edit your profile to add a signature line that mentions both your career (special ed teacher) and your hobbies.

That is true for a lot of reasons. But unfortunately the numbers are not in my favor. I have not met a straight or bi woman on the spectrum who's single in over a decade.



WP is not a dating site and I never have or intend in the future to use it as such.



I did not mean to say that autistic women do not face challenges. I only meant that autistic men face greater challenges specifically regarding attracting prospective partners in the first place.

Men are expected to be the pursuers, and exhibit confidence and say all the right things much more than women are in the dating scene. A woman can be shy and awkward and men will still approach her, while the same is not true for men.

if woman walks up to a man in public and tells him she wants to have sex with him, the man will enthusiastically oblige nine times out of ten. At the very worst, the man will politely decline but will not get angry and accuse her of being a pervert. On the other hand, a man cannot approach a woman without significant risk. He could potentially be risking his social standing, his career, and even the possibility of facing legal action. There is a very thin line between flirting and sexual harassment. I do not possess the social skills needed to tell a girl I want a sexual relationship without coming across as a creep. But when I try to be subtle, they think I'm only being friendly. This is why men like can never get relationships.

My closest friend is also on the spectrum. But she has never had any trouble attracting men. She has been in many relationships and has never remained single longer than 6 months in her adult life. Granted, she regrets most of those relationships; but my point is that I can never get a relationship in the first place.

Also, being more loyal doesn't mean anything from someone you never wanted to be with.



A limited dating pool means the odds of finding a match and mutual satisfaction in a relationships are astronomical. Nobody wants to end up with someone simply because that person was the only available option.



As I said, I am not interested in using WP as a dating site. And if there are any women in my area on here that I might meet IRL, I do not wish to dox myself.

Indeed WP should not be used as a dating site. It's not a good idea to participate here for the sole or primary purpose of finding a partner. However, for some people here at least, I think it might behoove them to be open to the possibility of finding a partner in the online autistic community including WP (while also pursuing other options too, of course), given that some couples have in fact found each other here.

If you prefer not even to consider it as a possibility, that is, of course, your choice.

if it weren't for WP i would not have met anybody.

I like women that are on the spectrum or that have spectrum-like characteristics. I'm an oddball so I'm drawn to other oddball. The problem I'd that women like that are scarce, and the few I have met were always already taken. A lot of my coworkers are appealing to me (not necessarily romantically but in general), but that's because my workplace attracts certain kinds of people. Most of the people I meet, while perfectly nice and likable, just don't have much in common with me and are not interesting to me beyond a point. Many women are "hot", but just not the type of people I enjoy spending a lot of time with. There is one coworker in particular I like, but she is not single. It just seems like finding a woman that's a good fit for me who likes me and is single is impossible.

^ about half of relationships happen via “stealing” a partner from another.

that makes for the kind of dystopia, no?

@Dorkseid, I can deeply relate to how you feel. For a long I too thought I would never be in a relationship. My best advice for you would be to see if there are any autistic adult social/support groups in your area. If not, do what I did and create one yourself! Send out emails to all of the therapists and diagnosing psychologists/psychiatrists you know of in your area and tell them that you’re looking to form an autistic/neurodiverse social/support group in your local area, and it would be great if they could spread the word to anyone they know who they think could be interested. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll meet your special someone that way, just like I did.

@The Grand Inquisitor, if you come across this post, you should take notes as well since you’re in a very similar situation to @Dorkseid.

I've been building some local groups myself (athough I already have a boyfriend and am not looking for a romantic partner). Personally I've used Meetup.com for most of my outreach for my groups.

I have not yet tried to publicize my groups by reaching out to local therapists. I would be interested to hear what kind of luck you had with reaching out to local therapists.

I would expect most therapists to be reluctant to refer clients to a peer-led support group unless they happen either to personally know the leader/facilitator or have already heard good things about the group from third parties.

Have you found that not to be the case? If not, I would be interested to hear more details about how you successfully presented your group to therapists.

Well, better to be somewhere than nowhere, I guess.