Red Flags

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Mine threatened to "plow" me into the soil.

He said this before taking me on a silent midnight perp walk through some housing construction with a big old-fashioned plow discarded in soft soil. I also had to climb up on a back hoe which was left there with the keys inside.

Fun times.

- forcefully covers her mouth and nose so she can't breath and only stops when she agrees not to yell, cry, or scream

Yeah, fun times.

does this with a pillow, or a bucket of water.

^ I had it with the pillow too but he was totally joking that time.

Squeezing my hand really hard, making it hurt for a few days after, was all in good fun, too.

It couldn't be that he was trying to demonstrate his power or anything during those special moments of conjugal bliss.

I'm no fun. No fun at all.

Mine twisted my boob so violently that it swelled about 3x its normal size and was purple.

It was worse than when I had mastitis.

^ That sounds awful. Ouch!

I can't share anything boob-related. Nothing painful happened to them, other than mastitis. My husband just had a weird kink that was definitely not consensual.

- condescending about my nerdy interests

- condescending in general

- snobby or pompous about anything (I can't stand snobbery.)

- uses the word erudite ( )

- doesn't demonstrate manners or kindness to store clerks, servers, etc.

- When he leaves a store, a cashier says: "He was really scary." I responded, "Yeah, I know." (She didn't know we were together. We paid for stuff separately, and he left the store while I was checking out.)

People can have legitimate reasons for not liking animals (of various species). Some people are allergic to fur. Some people have sensory issues with animals (e.g. dogs) that make loud noises. Some people have had traumatic experiences of being attacked by large dogs or other large animals. Some people just have phobias of animals (e.g. dogs) that move fast and have big teeth.

I would say that hurting animals is certainly a red flag, but merely avoiding them is not.

EDIT: Also, of course, if someone dislikes animals of some specific species that you personally happen to love and have as a pet, that's an incompatibility that could justifiably preclude an intimate relationship with that person, even if it doesn't mean that the person is an intrinsically bad person.

For me, a big red flag is a person who spends lots of time on gossip and badmouthing other people. If someone is constantly badmouthing other people to me, then chances are they are also badmouthing me to other people as well.

Another, related red flag is a person for whom the primary purpose of conversation seems to be either to butter someone up or tear someone down, rather than to exchange information or ideas about mutually interesting topics.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 19 Jul 2023, 1:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Same!

Also people who shame and blame others without knowing the full story.

Agreed. Also, more generally, people who are quick to jump to conclusions (good or bad) about other people.

EDIT: Also, people who try to pressure me into making quick decisions (about things that don't really need to be decided quickly).

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 19 Jul 2023, 2:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My girlfriend is like this. She tells her family lots of bad & embarassing things about me & she tells me lots of things about them This seems to be dependent on her mood. When she's in a bad mood she's upset by most everything & wants to rant about it. She's very critical of herself as well & has impossible standards for herself that she never holds me or anyone else to.


I'll add~ coming to me for emotional or other forms of support for situations that woulda been avoided if she had listened to me. My 1st girlfriend did that some & she jokingly called me Dad when I was being pushy about her not taking my advice. I woulda been alot more lax if she was not getting herself into trouble & expecting my support.

People with a strong tendency to regard other people as either angels or devils, with little or no in-between.

(Yes, some people really are absolutely wonderful or absolutely horrible, but most people are somewhere in between.)

People who regard other people as angels until those other people fall off their pedestals, at which point they become devils.

Yes!

Especially people who see women as either angels / whores.

Also people who categorise others into boxes by gender, race, class, ability, IQ.

People are people.




Right. There's nothing inherently special or problematic about most people.

Moral relativism.






That's the worst.
It's like they build people up to be their muse or their inspiration, and get disappointed when the person is fallible.
The worst is when that person pushes you off a pedestal and won't discuss what happened.

I think lots of guys want their girlfriends/wives to be a devil in the bedroom with them but an angel the rest of the time

Exactly. *yawn*

I'd rather not be a caricature.