Dating profile, part 2

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hyperlexian you are quitting wp?

I haven't been here long (well actually I've been here since 2007 but only came back recently I mean) but I like your posts. You seem interesting to me and I think it would definitly be a great shame to see you leave. I understand a lot of the women on here probably find it frustrating with so many of the guys posting this same s**t all the time, but if you all leave, what will the rest of us do? Some guys might be happy to sit around feeling bitter and whining, but the rest of us don't. We'll be lost if all the women start abandoning us because of some idiots

Seriously, i think you are cool, from the time I have spent here. And I think you should stick around

I hope you read this (and any other similar posts others with no doubt make). I would pm it to you but I don't feel I know most people well enough here to pm them yet

I just sent her a pm with similar thoughts as well. Im almost certain it eould be a shame to see hyperlexian leave and some male members that shant be mentioned stay but if she decides to leave theres nothing we can do to stop her.

There are also some males that try to help but they dont do it very often and taking into account how some male menbers react when you are trying to help them I understand their attitude.

I'm not saying it's easier for women to have relationships. I don't think that. I think that male and female aspies face different problems at different stages of relationships. I don't think one sex has it any easier overall, but in some areas yes, I do think there are differences.

I'm basically saying the same thing you are. I'm saying men find it harder to make that initial connection. Yeah, I do think that women can get a f**k (as you put it) easier, because they don't usually have to try so hard to make the initial hook up. You seem to agree with that. I agree with it. So why do you seek to make the first hurdle higher for us, when that's the one we struggle with so badly? Aspie guys don't seem to easily fall into relationships like women do. I understand that then there are further problems that may come after that; possibly being used for sex, abuses, or not being able to create long term relationships, things like that. And that's where I see things (unfortunately) 'evening' out.

I didn't even want to make this into another bloody male/female thing. I usually stay well out of them. And I can totally see that some woman do have exactly the same problem in this regard.

I'm not saying I know anything about gauging an entire anything of anything. I'm making intuitions. If someone wants to challenge them, I'm totally up for that. I tend to pick my language carefully. I am usually very careful to preface my thoughts with I think, I guess, I believe, generally, usually... etc. Because I know I'm not working from statistics, or science. I'm working from a body of information that I've collected through personal observation.

It's just that aspie men - me included b***h and whine about our problems with women. IMO, it's OUR problem, not an issue with females. If we can get out of our comfort zones, get off the computer, stop playing WoW/Starcraft/Magic, and meet people, I'm sure there is someone who can accept us out there.

There's too much bitching and whining here, especially from a few here which I won't name names, but it's stuff that they're in control with.

I didnt state that it wasnt our problem. Lately Ive been trying to do that, I still have a low self steem so Im usually to afraid of rejection to talk to most girls I would be interested in.

Ive found someone who accepts me and she tries to help me whenever possible, the thing is she is taken and there are some issues that I just cant talk with her.

I guess I just need to keep trying as hard as I can until I strike some luck.

I sent her a PM as well. Yes, some other male members whine a lot on here but neither me nor Moog have ever really said that aspie women have it easier than aspie men in relationships. What I might of said once, was that aspie men could have a more difficult time with the initial contact but that's not the same as saying that women have it easier.

Last edited by Jono on 05 Jan 2011, 7:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's just that I don't know whether or not it's too early to ask her. I've only been communicating with her for a few days. I've also asked her all the questions about her profile that I can think of, I don't want to mess this up.

I think that you should at least mention a possible meeting sometime soon.

She is expecting to meet you at some point and if you expend to much time emailing back and forth she is going to start thinking that theres a reason why you havent asked her out yet and once that gets into her head theres almost no chance of making a good impression because she will be looking for your flaws and most of the times they are able to find plenty of reasons why they shouldnt give you a chance.

Plus its very likely that you are running out of things to ask her and sometime soon and Im pretty sure you should at least save some information for the date otherwise you will have nothing to talk about.

Ok thanks. I'll ask her.

Oh no. My concern turned out to be right. She said that it seemed too fast. It looks like this is another one I've screwed up.

EDIT: I told her that there wasn't any rush. I don't know what good that will do though. She's likely to only see it tomorrow.

Not necessarily a disaster. At least she knows you are keen. Good luck.

Thanks. Well, she replied to my last message, saying that she feels a bit better and also that she gets nervous about meeting new people. It looks like it's going to take a while before she's comfortable meeting me. Nonetheless, she still seems interested.

She hasn't replied to my last message that I sent her at around 6 PM, even though she has logged on again after me. I wonder why. Maybe she hasn't thought about what to say. Do you think there's anything wrong with asking if she has any siblings, brothers or sisters? That was the last question I asked her. We were starting to reveal information about each other too. If she doesn't reply again by Monday, I guess I'll send her another message.

Update:

She's still responding to my messages. We've been communicating with each other for exactly one week now. I think it's likely that we will end up meeting eventually, but I've already asked her to let me know when she feels comfortable about meeting when I told her earlier that there was no rush. I'm hoping that will at least take the pressure off me with regards to having to ask a second time.

Oh no. The girl on OKCupid that I was chatting with for the last three weeks just deleted her account 20 minutes ago, as I was sending another message. That was after she sent her last message at 4:30 this afternoon. Why would someone do that?

Update:

I saw the version of her profile, just before she deleted it. She changed her details section from saying she was looking for long-term/short-term dating to saying she was just looking for new friends. I don't know when she changed her settings though. It's as though she changed her mind about finding someone to date and then deleted her profile after realising that I might still be hoping to meet her.