Reasons why you're a bad catch

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I can be a commitaphobe...expecally if the relationship gets sexual due to past sexual abuse. I am damaged.

You are not damaged from abuse. The only one who is damaged in abuse is the abuser themself. The soul remains pure and untouched no matter how abuse the body and mind take. No matter what happens, you still remain free.

Sorry, bothers me when people think they are damaged. :\

I don't think the everlasting soul is what's at issue here.



Free to choose Jesus H Christ as your Lord and Savior? No doubt. But free from the emotional and behavioral consequences of having been used? I think not.



It bothers me when religious people get righteous about someone else's pain.

Jonsi's a religious person getting righteous? Did I miss a few posts that are no longer in the thread or is JohnOldman just getting all judgmental from nowhere? WTF.

Erm. Sexual abuse can damage people. Doesn't mean it's permanent, with time and with appropriate help we can move forward.

But I'm not sure it's helpful to tell someone they aren't damaged if they believe they are. It's not really for anyone else to say.

I like the sentiments expressed here, but it depends what you call damage. If you go through something really bad at the hands of people you're emotionally attached to, it's likely to change you. If you've been abused, you'll expect that kind of abuse again, and your learned evasive action will most likely be inappropriate to your new attachment. This could be called damage, or post-traumatic-stress-disorder. How easy it is to repair depends on how strong the original bad experience was, on how unconscious your reactions are to the trauma, and of course it depends on how perceptive the new person is. I'm sure many people live out their whole lives never knowing how abuse has changed them for the worse. It's very easy to fall into the trap of projecting the problem onto other people.

jonsi's attitude is pretty positive, i don't see where religion comes into it and he certainly wasn't being righteous .

Right. It's a hard pill to swallow, but abuse can damage people. There are very real affects that must not be ignored.

This^

And he only said it bothered him, no criticism was implied that I saw.

I think my concern was that he was stating an opinion as fact. If a person says they feel damaged, why tell them they are not?

I understand what he said was positively meant. But, it can be hard to come to terms with the effect abuse has on you, and part of that is actually accepting that the abuse has had that effect instead of repressing it or denying it.


I'm not worried about whether it's religious or not, as I'm not atheist. Although soul does imply a religious connection no?

Where did I indicate I was religious? Does believing in souls make me a christian or something? I don't mean the soul as an actual entity of it's own, I mean it figuratively and I'm nonreligious.

Well, I still don't think that people are damaged from abuse. Maybe temporarily, but I don't think damage is forever. I've been abused before, so it's not an issue of not understanding the effects. Just being a source of positivity. Anyway, I took this thread off-topic with my comments, I apologize.

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There's another bad catch trait, I'm a huge idealist.

I don't know when is the right time to be jealous and not

The right time to be jealous is never.
If you are with someone who wants you to be jealous, rather than simply expecting that there be mutual respect and affection between you, find someone with their head on right.

I too was surprised at the controversy caused by your remarks, to say the least.

Im super lazy. The only time I want to do something is when I must. I eat everything in site. If i wasn't strapped for cash I would probably be more broke than I am. I smoke like a freight train. I spend 75% of my time on the couch or in my bed trying to get rid of my headaches and exhaustion. I am probably the reason why our carpet is becoming so dirty.