Would you dump someone who got fat?

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Changing behavior, I can understand. Obviously, I could start dating women that I like but don't want to sleep with. But it would just be pretending without the ability to change thoughts or emotions, and I just can't see how one would go about that. My thoughts and emotions are more like things that happen to me than things I do; if I don't choose them, how can I change them?

Hrrrmmmm ... I think you may have a point there. Re-evaluation time. I think it's still important to share knowledge though. Perhaps some of my methods/attitudes could do with a bit of adjustment.

i don't think that their complaints are valid, because their situations CAN be changed. i think they are surrounding themselves with other people who agree with their negative mindset. frankly, there are some posts on WP that are so negative/shallow/unpleasant, that if people act like that in real life it will drive others away.

i do agree that there is a measure of immaturity involved in some similar attitudes.

also, if they are unhappy BECAUSE they are unpleasant and shallow, then they are reinforcing their own reality and can't blame others for it.

Hyperlexian, considering your authority in the board (I know that doesn't remove your entitlement to an opinion) are you asking me if I want to brainwash myself into liking something to appease a mindset of people that took a topic personally? If the answer is no (automatic answer) I would retract this question!

I've made it clear what I like and don't like. Don't I have a say in the matter? Or must I be told what not to like or like? Are you saying I should HAVE to brainwash myself into what I like and don't like? I'm really sorry, I am guessing it is just because it's the weekend and a number of people have been drinking and hormones both sides of the fence are flying. But I haven't gone out, I'm not taking this topic on personally, at least I wasn't til now.

Usually I have a lot of time for what you say but I think you overstepped the mark with this one. I find women of your figure (which I do not consider obese btw) attractive. I consider you a healthy, active person. Why should I condition my brain to want someone who is not only larger but a very inactive person with no desire to be active? Next I am going to be told I will need to take viagra in the bedroom to make girls I am not sexually attracted to feel wanted when I attempt to bump uglies with them!

I said everyone who comments on how they won't date a "fat" girl are PART of the problem. Combine what you all have said here with message board comments about how Cheryl from dancing with the stars got "fat" between shows, and magazines filled with unrealistic, photoshopped models, and girls think they need to be anorexic to be attractive.

You guys really think you just like what you like and are in control of it? NO, you've been influenced by TV, magazines, and the comments you hear around you. In many cultures women with a little fat are more desirable, because it is, actually, healthier and a stronger indicator of fertility.

Images of beauty are always changing. What is hard to find is what becomes desirable. In our world of plenty, the harder to find is the thin.

All right, here's another thing. Cooking. If a woman can cook, then you know, that gives them a lot of slack. Seriously. My neighbor once told me "There's two ways a woman can satisfy a man, through his dick and through his stomach." Most people might find this odd and sexist and think I'm Jackie Gleeson or something, but cooking is a requirement for a serious girlfriend or wife to me. If a woman is unwilling to learn to cook, it says a LOT about her personality to me.

I'm mainly saying this as my parents' marriage seemed to dissolve over my mother not being able to cook or willing to learn how to do it. Before my parent's divorced, my dad did all the cooking, and I was healthy and skinny. Everyone in my house except me complained about my dad's "weird" food like horrors of horrors, CABBAGE or BEANS, and GREENS, or WHOLE WHEAT, except me, I loved it. So all this time, I observed my mother and sisters deride my dad for his attempts at living healthily.

Then when my mom got custody, she didn't know how to cook, so except for some occasional burgers with no seasoning or steak and potatoes with no seasoning, it was all TV dinners and canned food. My weight shot up like crazy, and I got really unhappy during that time. For me, nutrition really is like half the battle, if I have good nutrition, I'm happy, and usually unaware of my NVLD symptoms, my reaction times are quicker, I am more alert, and I'm simply smarter and more productive. Then when my nutrition is out of whack, that's when problems occur. I eventually got so mad over my nutrition, that as a teenaged male, usually the last people who wanna learn to cook, I learned to cook myself, and would even spend my allowance to buy healthy food. Now I'm a pretty damned good cook, most people think I'm very good. But, it came out of...that. Out of my mother, unwittingly, being nutritionally negligent with me. I'd have to be crazy to hook myself up with a person who I'd be unequally yoked nutritionally and healthwise with, after seeing all the consequences of that first hand. So it's not just an issue of aesthetics, it's a much much deeper issue than just that.

I wouldn't call 50+ extra pounds "A Little fat"... I don't think anyone is talking about the girl who weighs 160 and is 5'8" here.. I'm certainly not.. I'd probably consider such a girl quite attractive, at least body type... But take that same girl and pack her on up to 210lbs and I wouldn't find her attractive.

you can have your own opinion and as long as you don't break any rules you would not get into trouble from the mods. i don't usually moderate threads where i am participating extensively. that was a weird thing to add though, considering i cannot force you to do any sort of behaviour modification. we do not offer that on the site.

i wasn't suggesting that you should change who you like for my sake, i was asking why you don't WANT to change it.

once again, obese people can be extremely active and healthy. so a person's aversion to them must be aesthetic. i don't understand why a person would not WANT to change that. not that they SHOULD, but... why would it be a bad thing?

Much like an obese person doesn't have to lose weight to be accepted, can't I have the right not to change my viewpoint (which you have to admit is a lot more open minded than some of the guys on this section of WP) and be accepted as well? Maybe it's not a case of me not wanting to change, maybe I just like what I like and that's it. It's like being Asperger's, it's not that we don't WANT to change how we are in many cases, it's just that that's how we are. Considering this is an AS community, I thought that logic would be easy to understand.

But that's exactly what I'm saying, I like what I like and I'm not in control of that.



As for the media's influence, you have no idea what I like, or how well it matches the media's ideal. All I've said is that there is an upper limit, weightwise, to what I find attractive, and that I don't want to be with someone who exceeds that. Just as there's a lower limit. Don't just assume that because I have certain standards, that those standards match what the media says I should like.

Guess what? I am not going to argue with you that obesity can be a health issue.

I am going to tell you that one of the CAUSES of obesity is the unrealistic expectations we have about "normal" weight. Yo yo dieting CAUSES long term weight gain. People who yo yo diet don't end up thinner, they end up fatter, and women are constantly pressured into yo yo dieting by the standards of society.

All the kind of talk we've got in this thread - it eats at young girls, and it sets them on a path of bad habits that will decrease their ability to stay thin in the future.

In other words, your desires are back firing on you.

I know many other things also contribute, especially the fact that crap food is cheaper than healthy food, but this is the factor you can do something about: take responsibility for how your words contribute to the problem.

My words, along with the media's are protected by the first amendment (provided you are in the US of course) I have no more obligation to keep my mouth shut than they do. The solution, for you, and all of these girls/women, is to quit paying attention to sources of information which are detrimental to your mental health. Don't like what I'm saying? Ignore me. Don't like that the media is telling you you have to be 90lbs or you are overweight? Ignore them.




Thank you, exactly.

Last edited by rabbittss on 13 May 2012, 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

JanuaryMan - not easy to understand, no. as an aspie, do you not try to make eye contact in an interview? don't you force yourself out of your comfort zone to talk to a girl on the phone? we do force ourselves to try to change in small ways all the time. we grow.

we don't simply exist as we are, unchanging from birth onwards. we are constantly changing, and the types we find attractive changes too. if you look at the "type" you liked at age 14, you could be certain that it is not identical to what you like now.

a person's "type" can change organically, and it can change intentionally too. but that makes me wonder as to why a person wouldn't WANT to. i mean, we have established fat people can be fit and healthy. and they can be extremely motivated too. changing who you find attractive would significantly increase a person's dating pool. so it seems like a positive to me. don't get why a person would want to hold onto something that is so limiting.

Actually mine is, it hasn't changed at all. I still like blue eyed blondes in the 5'5" - 5'10", 130-180lb range

nope..i would not dump someone for gaining weight...that is silly and shallow...I have however Seen relationships where the female of the couple who had a crappy attitude to begin with as a human being, also seemed genetically predisposed to massive weight gain which struck as soon as she stopped being athletic in High School. She was a mean bitchy high maintenance racist passive aggressive "pretty" skinny Cheerleader....and within a year of graduating, she had gained 100 lbs...Her mom was one of those sorts of ladies who wears large tent shaped clothes and uses reaching sticks and mobility enhancers and umm...maybe special furniture to accommodate her mass...she must not be able to help it...there must be something genetic since a skinny athletic girl with her genes started immediately packing on weight very rapidly when no longer subjected to rigorous cheerleading drills (poor thing)...There were also fast food bags strewn all over their house...for what it is worth....ANNYWHOO...the addition of 100+ lbs..did NOT improve her personality...She would go into hysterics over her insecurity regarding her weight issues, but we (my boyfriend who outweighed me by over 100 lbs...was her fiancee's best friend...and we'd do stuff as 2 "couples" weekly...and a lot of that would involve eating...and she was not one for dieting...lots of rich cheesy Mexican food..She would make brash statements about how maybe her fiancee and I should be together because we were both on the "thinner" side....even though that was frankly absurd.....and irritating....and so on....tho we were good friends and seemed to have more in common..she was sorta a redneck country music listener and he was sorta more into the kinds of music my boyfriend and I listened to...for example...
blah blah blah...they ended up marrying and then divorcing...He looked sorta like john Travolta and she looked like a white satin circus tent with poofy hair...I would not be speaking so cruelly had she been just a little bit more pleasant...

But girls who read or hear these things don't know that. No one stops to define what fat uniquely means to them, so a listener will jump to the catty comments they hear elsewhere, all the people who have called Bristol Palin or Cheryl Burke fat, etc.

It is a word you have to be careful with.