Why is Asperger's unattractive?

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after some confusing interactions with women combined with online dating results. I simple assume no woman can be interested in me. this has been the result 99% of the time so seems silly to take risks and deal with making them uncomfortable for that small 1% chance.

let me simple it enjoy the cuddles then when he starts hitting you leave him and call the cops. I never said one has to put up with abuse. once that starts get out. having enjoyed what was good relationship up until the abuse doesn't mean you are saying the abuse was ok. never heard from anyone where the abuse started right away it's usually after weeks or months of the guy being romantic, kind, caring super great guy, then he knows you're hooked and he lets his real side out. same thing happens in friendships. I had a great friend for years then he started being verbally abusive to me. this doesn't' just erase all the great years we had together. I still miss those times. I don't miss him well the him that was mean. but I miss the nice him. but reality is there isn't two hims. just the one he is now.

I think that this is a very serious problem, bars and clubs and drunken sex. It has just become the norm for our generation, this hook up culture. Once in a while my friends will drag me to a bar and next thing I know there is some drunk girl coming up to me and making out with me. It's nice in that moment, but when I ask myself if I would seek it out on my own or if such a scene is for me, absolutely not. Nothing good ever comes out of it, nothing sustainable.

These bar/club/party settings have become the default way of meeting people and in my opinion, it is unhealthy. The first problem is that it is shallow. Unless you are going there with only your close and trusted friends, and not to meet anyone - your appearance is the only thing that matters. Who one really is at heart and what one does with their life doesn't really matter, because the environments and the larger social scenes that are based around them are not conducive to anything personal, or sustainable for a deep connection. It's emotional alienation. Another theory that I came up with is that since courtship is now so closely attached to getting drunk, sex is for many people an addiction that is co-morbid with their alcoholism - so if you don't feed someone's addiction, if you're not the one taking them out and getting intoxicated with them, you're not the one giving them their fix and you're not a suitable partner.

So, if you have got your eye on someone, you'd better hope that they refrain from this scene - because there is literally a day/night difference in the way that a lot of people act and what they want while they are going about their daily business, and then how they act and what they want in nightlife social environments. But if a girl comes up to you and starts flirting with you and it's obvious (ie touching your arm, playing with her hair or touching her face, joking with you) at a park or whatever setting that is not necessarily social - that's actually something! She put thought into it and it probably took a lot of confidence on her part. Ask her out! It almost never happens to me

Another thing - I get the sense that some of you are thinking the AS traits are the only thing stopping you from being hot s**t and getting to be with anyone you could ever dream of. Uh, no. It's not like most NTs have an easy time finding partners who they are thrilled about, and if anything, I feel worse for a lot of these people around me who are such failures with the opposite sex than I do for myself. I have a condition that can be clinically diagnosed, which basically says I am locked in my own world; what is their excuse? NTs tend to get way more desperate and way more willing to engage in self-destructive behaviors just to meet someone. Aspies may not project much self-confidence but we usually have a great amount of self-respect, and also a lot to fall back on - our passionate interests! When I look at it as objectively as possible, I consider my lack of sex appeal like not having a ticket to a train that ends up crashing...

If she is not nervous her looking pattern is different. It is almost for sure, that a woman won't look at a man, if she is definitely not interested in him or even more if she is slightly frightened of him. Some women ignore me (not a problem, they do not have to pay attention to me, after all), others look at me with a smile. If a woman looks at me for a second (literally for a second) it doesn't mean anything; it just means that she is noticing me, and that's it.

or if she likes you but is very shy and doesn't want you to know she might also avoid looking at you.
no way to know a woman likes you by if she looks at you or not or talks to you or not. could mean a whole bunch of things.

I feel it has to do more with economics than anything else. A woman sees a person with Aspergers as possibly not being able to provide for her if the need arose or providing a financially sound environment to raise potential offspring.

Really? I always thought that it was more about the image than money. I think an admirable career makes you more attractive even if it's more dangerous and not that well paid. I hang around with engineers and phds and quite a lot of them are single. Many aspies are engineers but still struggle with relationships. Is it because those professions aren't paid well enough or maybe it's that people in my age range (early twenties) don't care about the money?

We are having a fundamental disagreement. It sounds to me like you are saying something is better than nothing. Im saying nothing is indeed better than something.

I still cant agree with"Hes abusibe, but at least he kissed and cuddled with you beforehand." I dlubt most women would look back and reminisce upon that fondly but instead recognize it as a lure.

idk most i've talk to still look back at the good parts and miss them.

I still look back at the good parts with girls, despite the fact they went out of their way to hurt me later.

I think this is a two-sided coin. I can hate the girls who hurt me, because they caused me irreversible damage. Or I can be grateful for them for making me stronger. The choice is mine, and no way is better than the other.

There are plenty of men with Aspergers who make good money -- like, rather a lot of my colleagues (quants, like me).

There's also a HUGE difference between a girl who considers gainful employment and an ability to support oneself as a "must have" in a guy (that'd be me) and a girl who will only date uber-rich guys (not me).

Aspinator, why is it okay to expect a woman to be capable of supporting herself but horribly discriminatory for that same woman to expect the same from her dates? Or YOU?!

Even if he does expect a woman to be capable of supporting herself, he didn't say that it's wrong to expect the same from a man.

I apoligize; I was under the assumption that only women can get pregnant. Most people I know are not capable of returning to work immediately after delivery. Here is another shocker for some of you: sometimes when 2 people pair off as a couple, pregnancies can occur.

I can look back on the good parts, too, but id overall be happier without the relationship.