Just have to vent!

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haha im workin bout at the same rate...

cept i pulled hard on the civilty reigns a long time ago... i think they recognize the restraint though.... i think it's good to at least have displayed some of these qualities cause being uncivil can definely have its perks at times!

Yeah, the problem with MY incivility is
that I just give the attitude of leave me
alone. After closing, she asked me how I
was, and (hiding my torn pants) I responded,
"you don't want to know," and just walked away.

I've got to stop doing s**t like that. She's going to
get the impression that I don't care at all.

You really don't have a clue, do you?

I could just fly to her house too.

You're on a serious poetry trip tonight.

See, I've tried. Really I have.
Realized that TALKING to someone
in this sort of situation is just not
going to work. I mean, I can't manage
it, when she tries to initiate things.
Much less do so on my own.

I've tried more exotic methods,
but screwed them up, and ended
up scaring her.

Thinking about a note/letter, but
I fear that that will just show me
as weaker/weirder than I am within
a friendship or love. Plus, the carefully
chosen words seem terrifying when placed
on paper.

Yeah, I could screw my courage up, and
just speak by wrote, but THAT is just as
bad. Even been practicing on other random
girls (ah, alas for them - to the extent that
I had one declare her love ), but this
little thing is so sweet, and I've invested too
much in the way of expectations.

It's a tough thing. And it would be as easy for
me to fly, as to just be reasonable about her.

Therein lies the source of the power, though.

I was being a tad difficult last night after dancing. On Tuesday, I had played a scary game on addictinggames.com, and I was scared s**tless (yes, I know last night was Wednesday, but I tend to get really freaked over stuff.) and anyways I didn't want to go home but Kevin made me. You know the voice your parents use when you're in trouble? That's what he did. I don't think hiding from my fears is an option anymore. It was like "Get up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and stand on your own two feet!" and I was a little shocked but a little happy as well at least he has the guts to put me in my place if need be he sent me a message afterwards apologising. It's not like he was violent or anything he was just firm with me and I think I need that to a degree.

I still feel really bad about it cos he has the flu and although he seemed pretty good about it I feel like he hated growling at me.

I think that you know I mean it.