The only women my age I would be interested in

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I haven't had sex with a virgin because I haven't had sex at all. But of course that girl must have assumed I had sex with her, otherwise why would "her vagina being tight" be an issue. But she clearly assumed things about me totally wrong.

Now, as far as "dating" her, yes I did date her. But dating doesn't imply sex. Dating just means we were official. And yes we were. We even discussed marriage.

And by the way she is against sex before marriage too, so that wasn't the issue. When I said "my ex-s were understanding about my not having sex" I was referring to ex-s other than her.



Do you think women don't want to date me because they *wrongly assume* I never had a girlfriend, and then assuem its a red flag?

I mean one example of a woman who assumed I never had a girlfriend is a certain one at a church I used to go to few years ago. I casually mentioned one of my past girlfriends and she said "wait a second, you had a girlfriend?" I then confronted her as to why she assumed otherwise. She told me because I haven't mentioned her before. I said that its because we broke up a year before I came to that church. And then asked her: why is it she assumed I never had a girlfriend at all, as opposed to assuming that my past girlfriend(s) broke up with me. Her response was to say that she stands corrected. I then pushed further and asked no, no, tell me how you made that mistake. She then said she isn't sure but some of the random guesses is that I don't sit upright and my shirt is wrinkled. I then started asking her why something as minor as these two things would imply something as profound as me never having a girlfriend my entire life. Again she wasn't sure how to answer other than saying she stands corrected. I then started complaining to her that other women might make the same assumptions too and thats why they never approach me, and how I will never get a new girlfriend (future tense NOT past tense) because of that. THen she told me I should approach them myself instead of waiting to be approached. I then said that its not fair I have to do all the work because of some assumptions they are making. Long story short, I was talking to her on a daily basis on facebook complaining about women not talking to me. Then few weeks later I asked her to be my girlfriend and she rejected me. Her reason for a rejection was that I should be happy with myself first. I told her I don't understand why should it be first if I would be happy "after" I am in a relationship with someone. She said that this would be "using" that person. I said I don't understand why thats using that person: its not the only reason I want a relationship, but this would address her concern about my not being happy. She simply stated that she won't date me, so if I can accept it we can be friends if not we can go separate ways. I didn't accept it so we went separate ways.

Then the other example of a woman who assumed I never had a girlfriend is a certain woman whom I knew at the Bible studies 15 years ago, whom I ran into in church just 4 years ago. She is married now. She was excited to meet me and was asking about my life and how I was doing. But she never asked me about my relationship status. I mean yes, she is married; but if she wants to know about my life, wouldn't asking about my marriage be one of the big things to know? So it feels like she simply assumed that I am single. And, if so, then she probably just assumes I never had a girlfriend my whole life. Now, she invited me to Bible studies at her house, and at a certain point in Bible studies she mentioned her relationship with her husband. I then purposely mentioned one of my ex-s in response to her comment. She didn't comment anything on what I said. So I guess she assumed it was an imaginary ex. And by the way, I don't have imaginary girlfriends. If I talk about a girl, you better believe she is real. But it feels like thats what she assumed. Otherwise how else would you explain why its the *only* topic to which she wouldn't answer anything?

And then there was a guy that leads Bible studies. I was complaining to him I have no friends. He started to suggest how to make friends, and then he made "parenthetical remark" that I should try to make male friends rather than female friends so that they won't take it the wrong way. And I then asked him why would assuming I want a girlfriend amount to "taking it the wrong way": is he assuming I don't need a girlfriend? And if so, why not? He tried to evade the subject. I then directly asked him whether or not he thinks I can have a girlfriend or not. He was still evasive. But then eventually he said he thinks I have "ways to grow" before I am ready for a relationship. I then started to point out to him that I had girlfriends in the past. SO if I was ready in the past, why wouldn't I be ready now? Besides, it was *him* who said I actually improve (which I don't believe I do, since I am not making any effort). So if he thinks I improve, and I had a girlfriend 15 years ago, why wouldn't I be ready for a girlfriend now? He never answered that question. But again: is he assuming that was imaginary girlfriend? Especially when I tell him that relationship lasted for 2 years?

In any case, back to your point. You said a guy rejected a girl because she is a virgin. Could it be some girls reject me because they wrongly assume I never been to relationships?

Oh I see. My mistake, I thought you hooked up with the virgin woman, my mistake.

As for people rejecting you because you haven't had a serious relationship, I can see that because the same thing happened to be me before my serious relationship in late 20s, where as before that I felt I was being rejected because I haven't had a long term before that.

Ok! I do remember something like this in the bible. No wonder divorce had so much stigma in the old days!

Hey Blabs! happy 2022, glad to see you are alive and kicking.

You are precisely correct, in addition to the shrinking pool, when you apply extra criteria - christian, single, in 20s, attractive, graduate and you are a man in your late 30s/early 40s you may as well be looking for the lochness monster or bigfoot. They might be out there, but the odds are really slim.

sir, that is downright insulting. OF COURSE i have tried and tried and tried and tried and..... remember i've been on this earth a lot longer than you! anyways, my best tries have just not been sufficient to get me anywhere.


i worked from my teens until my mid-40s so i have been around people at least as long as you have. if i haven't gotten over the face blindness by now, chances are that it is not possible.

for the sake of those women, i dearly hope you reconsider and at least entertain the notion of at least chatting one up. as benjamin franklin said, (paraphrasing) "older women are above all, most appreciative of the attentions of younger men." what he actually said was "why ruin a young girl's life when you can make an older woman so very happy!" you have accomplishments that many experienced women would find very attractive, your mind is several cuts above more plebian men. it is just that you will likely find more appreciation among older women with more accrued wisdom, plus they make much more interesting conversation than a typical callow young person. and there are lots of "cougars" [older women who take excellent care of themselves and are horny] that are eye-poppingly attractive. please give them a chance, for me at least, i couldn't avail as i am too old and with nothing to offer, but you are in a position to best me in every way.

go to the grocery store produce section and pick up a package, it will have a sell-by date on the label that tells you when the meat is not considered any longer healthy to consume.

but my point is that if it is both short AND you can't get it up, then you are in a world of hurt that only the little blue pill can fix, and that is assuming you don't have subclinical T levels, which is a hazard of age in men, when you get to be my age. so you end up needing both the little blue pill AND a transdermal T patch. and people who appreciate a sex life are not in any way creepy. but i understand it if you aren't into that stuff and i don't mean to make you feel pressured in any way. but from my standpoint, i can't understand what is the point of having an in-person live-in relationship with a suitable mate if it is just platonic?

i knew that by the time i hit my 40s i lost the race and i might as well have cancelled my ticket then, the only reason i did not was i have kinfolk that my premature passing would have disturbed.

Have faith brother! However slim the odds

i have faith in sex dolls now. they will take care of the most important thing for me.

Let's hope Elon Musk invests a couple of billion into virtual reality tech and smart sex dolls.

elon musk has nothing but contempt for people who are not in his view "quality people" IOW the beautiful and successful ones. the man is an ableist who markets his crap to the 1%. he would be the last one to do such a thing as make life easier for us.

Have you recognized your employers though? Because I recognize my professors, I just don't recognize fellow students.

If you could recognize your employers that would be a good sign you will be able to recognize your future kids.



Since you mentioned "ruining young girls life", can you elaborate as to why I would ruin it? I mean, that is actually an excellent question: once I learn the answer to this one, I would also understand why young women act the way they do.



Actually, I remember some conversations with younger women on dating sites that acted impressed. But being impressed didn't translate into them talking to me for any length besides that conversation.



That is definitely a plus, I agree. But interesting conversation won't make up for the fact that I missed part of my life. On the other hand, if I were to date someone younger, I could still have interesting conversation with older people, of both genders, as friends.



I heard the word cougar before. To me it feels like the fact that it deserves a separate word implies that it is a specific subculture. As in the woman isn't "trying to date"; she is "trying to be a cougar". Since I am intersted in normal dating it kind of turns me off. But then again I don't know much about it, other than the fact that they invented a word for it that feels weird.



The word "horny" throws me off too. I wish to have a genuine connection, as opposed to someone simply being horny.



I do want me and the woman to be official, so its not platonic in that sense. In fact I take LJBF as a failure. But I don't equate LJBF with lack of sex. I equate LJBF with lack of official title. So as long as we are in an official relationship, I don't see it as a waste.

not so sure about that, in the army i was always getting my drill sergeants mixed up, and they punished me for it. repeatedly.


he was being facetious with his use of the term "ruin" - that is why i paraphrased it at first. what was meant here was that a young woman is not likely to see eye to eye with somebody a generation removed from her. the relationship will tend to veer towards either quasi-parental or creepy [think hugh hefner with all those 19 year olds]. at least with somebody your age or older it is a more level playing ground.


that's basically what i was getting at. the question was "were YOU impressed with what THEY had to say, or did it strike you as at least a bit jejune or immature?


but a marriage where you can't really have these kinds of conversations is IMHO not fully formed.


cougars have been known [now and then] to fall deeply in love with their men, and settle down. it happens. just think of them as divorced women who take care of themselves. they still want happily ever after.


it is not digital, not yes/no, but mutual horniness must be a part of a marriage at least at the early parts for it is the initial glue which binds the couple and enables a deeper connection to form.

Well the thing is that psychologically I am younger than my age. Always have been. As a matter of fact that is the reason why I missed out on best years of my life to begin with. When I was in my 20-s, I was psychologically 5 or 10, thats why they didn't like me. And so first they don't like me because I am too young and then they don't like me because I am too old, and I can never win.

And as a matter of fact whatever aspects of 5 or 10 year old psychology that were back then, they are still here now, and are still turn offs. So I am turning them off BOTH by being "too old" AND "too young" at the same time. I wish someone could simply see that I am a late bloomer and let me live the life of a 20 year old now since I didn't live it back then.

As far as intellectual conversations, I saw some 20-somethings having intellectual conversations and in fact THAT is when I get the most jealous of not being part of it. If I look at 20-somethings just messing around, I am not jealous, I don't want to be part of it. But when I see them having intellectual conversation, thats when I feel devastated they don't have such conversation with me.

As far as intellectual converstaion with older people, I can have them later. But as far as younger people, I can't "have them later" since I am not growing any younger. So the idea of "irreversibly losing something" is what drives me crazy. If I were to be "irreversibly separated from everyone old" then I would suddenly value their company a lot more. But tahts not what happening: I am being "irreversibly separated" from the young folk. Thats why I am focused on that.



As far as quazi-parental, that won't be the case because like I said I am a lot younger than my age.

As a matter of fact, I tend to view all of the people I interact with as my parents, regardless of their age. For example, I keep nagging that 20 year old guy at a Bible study for his opinion why I don't have a girlfriend. Now, can I imagine one of my 40 year old professors, back when I was 20, asking me about my opinion why can't he have a girlfriend? No of course not! But the thing is that I still see myself as a child and see everyone else as adults that should help out that child. Thats my attitutde.

So I guess my relationship with a 20-something girl would be quasi-parental in TWO ways AT THE SAME TIME:

a) I would view her as my mother since I view all adults as my parents basically

b) She would view me as her father because she won't realize I am younger than my age

Now, part "b" is what would truly bother me. Because like I said, I don't want to be 40. Hence, I don't want to be anybody's "father".

As far as "a" I guess it depends. I remember in the past when girls DID treat me as a little kid and I didn't like me. So I guess I want her to know I am a kid only in some areas but not everywhere.

Still, however, "a" is not as bad as "b". Because kids become adults, but old people never become young. Plus "a" won't cause as much of an identity crisis since thats how I am used to seeing myself anyway.



Thats the other thing I kept wondering about. Why would the relationship be creepy? I am assuming the word creepy means sexually perverted. But why are they assuming that older people are sexual perverts? If anything, its the younger people that have too many hormones?



I don't know how hugh hefner is. Can you give me a summary?



By level field it seems like you are talking about older people taking advantage of younger people. Now, I can see how they would take advantage of kids. But we are not talking about kids: we are talking about young adults. In case of young adults, it seems like they are more likely to hurt me emotionally than older adults can. Thats why it makes it hard to believe. And in my case, with my Asperger, I feel like a victim most of the time. So being told that the field is uneven in my favor feels outright weird.



I was not impressed. Because the reason I am still a graduate student is NOT because I am smart but INSTEAD because I couldn't find a job, which is just the opposite to smart. So being complimented on something thats not true is not going to make me feel impressed.

However, I don't see why whether or not "I" am impressed is relevant here. I thought the topic of discussion was how come "they" never got back to me after that. So "their" behavior dopends on whether or not "they" were impressed. At least it logically seems that way.

So can you explain why you re-directed me to whether or not I was impressed rather than them, as an answer to the question about "their" rejection of me?

Besides, you were the one who said older women would be "more appreciative" of my accomplishment. Thats why I said "wait a second, what about those younger women being impressed". Or are you saying the meaning of the word "appreciative" is different from simply reacting it in a positive way? If so, what is its meaning?

Actually the question of "what does the word appreciate mean" is something I was puzzling about in a different context. A lot of women that rejected me were saying they didn't feel appreciated. And I was arguing with them saying that of course I appreciate them: look at how upset I am that they leave, which logically means I appreciate them when they were here. But they weren't getting it and was still saying I didn't apprecaite them. So could it be that the meaning of the word appreciate is different?

If the meaning of the word appreciate is different from what I think it means, this would explain both

a) why the girls that were impressed by my appcomplishments didn't appreciate them

b) why I, who was hurt by rejection, didn't appreciate the women in question *prior* to said rejection



Like I mentioned, I wittnessed some intellectual conversations among younger people, which is what made me feel so jealous of not being a part of them. Now, most younger people don't engage in them, only some. But most older people don't engage in them either. I seen a lot of older people talking about everyday stuff. So if I compare younger person talking about college or older person talking about their kids, I would say college conversation is the one I would like to participate in. Neither of them is intellectual though. As far as intellectual conversations they are pretty rare, and when they occur they occur in different ages.



As far as divorced, Jesus said whoever marries a woman who was divorced commits adultery. So I wouldn't be with divorced woman for that very reason.

If their goal is to simply find a partner, why do they have that special term for it and call them cougars?

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I guess "sexual attractiveness" should be there, yes. But it shouldn't be the main thing. The main thing should be personality and common interests. The sexual attractiveness should come after that.

On the other hand I understand the word horny as focused mainly on sex. That's why it is a turn off for me.

Last edited by QFT on 14 Jan 2022, 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I already told you in one of my other threads that those are not hard limitations only preferences. Lets go one by one:



The girl back in 2005 who rejected me was not a Christian, yet I wanted to date her more than anyone.

As far as the female officemates 2 years ago, I have no idea about her religion or lack thereof. Yet I was still obsessing about her.

Now, Christian is a preference, yes. But its not something I limit myself to.



Yup, thats what I absolutely DO limit myself to. But so do most other people, unless they are poly. Nothing wrong with that. I mean, you told me yourself that you waited until your wife broke up with her boyfriend before you dated her.



Most of the people I contact in the dating sites are in their 30-s. Yes, I said I *prefer* 20-s to 30-s. But I am still open to 30-s. And I contact 30-s a lot more because they are more likely to reply.

As far as 40-s, no, I don't contact them. So the correct way to describe my actual limit is "20-s or 30-s" which is a big difference from simply saying "20-s".



My first ex was 220 lbl (100 kg) and mysecond ex was 275 lbl (125 kg). So neither of them were attractive, yet I still dated them.

Now, I would *prefer* to date attractive. But it didn't happen so far. Thats why I am lamenting of missing part of my life.



Again, this is something I "prefer", but I don't limit myself to it.

My first and third ex weren't graduates, although my second ex was.

As with everything else, if I could date a graduate I certainly would. But since most women don't like me thats why I have to settle on the ones that aren't graduates.

Well....probably....more wishful thinking

@QFT

Yeah I get it. Preference > limitations

I know from experience its a losing battle to try and argue with a young person on the spectrum so ultimately you are the one who has to be happy with the person you date.

I'll use my personal experiences again to illustrate why personal preferences might get in the way of a possible meaningful and satisfying relationship.

When I was a teenager and right up to my late 20s my personal "preference" was for a typical attractive Aussie girl, Why? because the typical sporty/beach babe were the type of girls I went to school with and saw on TV so naturally my dick gravitated toward such girls. I imagined myself living in a typical two bedroom house in the suburbs with a white picket fence married to a typical "girl next door". That's how my brain was conditioned.

While I had plenty of female friends by my late 20s I was mostly friendzoned and not experiencing any meaningful relationships (nothing intimate). Probably me mostly (not them).

I then travelled in my early 30s and lived in Asia. It changed my whole perspective/outlook. Possibilities opened up that I never thought about before. Fast-forward to my mid-30s and I was married to a Malaysian girl My parents and siblings were surprised but at the end of the day I was happy and that's what mattered.