Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Didn’t come as a surprise that he was a virgin!

Page 19 of 34 [ 535 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 ... 34  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Aspie1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,749
Location: United States

09 Jul 2022, 10:27 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm still waiting on a response from Aspie1 about the abuse links, and an answer about the difference between "nice guys" and "bad boys". It's hard to progress in a conversation when people invalidate the other person, or pretend to be part of a dialogue when they're not.
I must have missed the links, to be honest. Sorry. But whoever is abused, they are NOT responsible for any of it, even missing the warning signs. Abuse is the ultimate betrayal. And Dante's "Inferno" puts traitors into the ninth and deepest circle of hell, if it's any consolation.

As for the difference, it's genetically encoded, and it carries over into EVERYTHING a man does: the tone of voice he uses, the way he walks, the way he carries a laptop or a book, the way he reacts to provocations, the way he talks to different people, the way he shakes hands, the way he hugs a woman, etc. And people, both men and women, can detect that subconsciously.

Someone (I don't think it was you) asked me about my therapy earlier. It was ABA, disguised as person-centered or Rogerian. It turned into a game of cat-and-mouse, with the therapist provoking me and asking me trick questions, and me scrambling to react the way the wants to see and give the answers she wants to hear. And when I failed to deliver, she mocked me, pretended not to understand me, or straight-out berated me.



TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 30,244
Location: Hell

09 Jul 2022, 10:55 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
As for the difference, it's genetically encoded, and it carries over into EVERYTHING a man does: the tone of voice he uses, the way he walks, the way he carries a laptop or a book, the way he reacts to provocations, the way he talks to different people, the way he shakes hands, the way he hugs a woman, etc. And people, both men and women, can detect that subconsciously.


How do you know that this is due to genetic encoding? Why couldn’t this be related to one’s culture or environment? Why are there variations from person to person and from culture to culture? (One wouldn’t expect such variation if this were genetic - the same could be said of differences among women. We aren’t all the same.)

I think environmental factors play a much bigger role.



Aspie1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,749
Location: United States

09 Jul 2022, 11:05 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
How do you know that this is due to genetic encoding? Why couldn’t this be related to one’s culture or environment? Why are there variations from person to person and from culture to culture? (One wouldn’t expect such variation if this were genetic - the same could be said of differences among women. We aren’t all the same.)

I think environmental factors play a much bigger role.
Meh. You might be right. One thing for sure: if I had lived on the streets as a child or at least in foster homes (both were my fantasies while growing up), rather than with my abusive family, I'd probably out-Chad my former friend in college, the one who had 4 sex buddies and endless hookups. Or if I'm genetically doomed to beta failure, only god knows what I'd have encountered on the streets! 8O



Last edited by Aspie1 on 09 Jul 2022, 11:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 72,422
Location: Chez Quis

09 Jul 2022, 11:09 pm

Is that how you measure quality of life for a young man, by the number of hookups?

Would it be the same if you were a woman?


_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles


Raleigh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2014
Age: 125
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 34,587
Location: Out of my mind

09 Jul 2022, 11:13 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
How do you know that this is due to genetic encoding? Why couldn’t this be related to one’s culture or environment? Why are there variations from person to person and from culture to culture? (One wouldn’t expect such variation if this were genetic - the same could be said of differences among women. We aren’t all the same.)

I think environmental factors play a much bigger role.
Meh. You might be right. One thing for sure: if I had lived on the streets as a child or at least in foster homes (both were my fantasies while growing up), rather than with my abusive family, I'd probably out-Chad my former friend in college, the one who had 4 sex buddies and endless hookups. Or if I'm genetically doomed to beta failure, only god knows what I'd have encountered on the streets! 8O


_________________
It's like I'm sleepwalking


TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 30,244
Location: Hell

09 Jul 2022, 11:23 pm

I’ve only had one sexual partner, and it was a VERY bad situation that I regret being in.

Things are not always easy for women when it comes to relationships.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 30,601
Location: Right over your left shoulder

09 Jul 2022, 11:46 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
How do you know that this is due to genetic encoding? Why couldn’t this be related to one’s culture or environment? Why are there variations from person to person and from culture to culture? (One wouldn’t expect such variation if this were genetic - the same could be said of differences among women. We aren’t all the same.)

I think environmental factors play a much bigger role.
Meh. You might be right. One thing for sure: if I had lived on the streets as a child or at least in foster homes (both were my fantasies while growing up), rather than with my abusive family, I'd probably out-Chad my former friend in college, the one who had 4 sex buddies and endless hookups. Or if I'm genetically doomed to beta failure, only god knows what I'd have encountered on the streets! 8O


Who's to say it would be entirely genetic. The person you are in the pits of depression isn't the person you are at the peak of mania, neither of which are the person you are at baseline.

If you're depressed and defeated feeling in that situation you'll react more like what you'd consider a beta.
If you're sure of your ability to deal with this regardless you'll react more like what you'd describe as an alpha.


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
They have a name for Nazis that were only Nazis because of economic anxiety or similar issues. They're called Nazis.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

10 Jul 2022, 1:10 am

It’s not entirely tragic to have been raised in a foster home—but it’s certainly not an advantage to have been raised in one. Many foster parents do not treat these kids as well as they would have treated a biological or adopted child.

Unfortunately, a considerable portion of people in prison were foster children

(This does not mean that it’s inevitable that a foster child will have a tragic life. Most do fine, but a higher proportion of foster children are psychologically scarred than non-foster children).



The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,765

10 Jul 2022, 2:01 am

Aspie1 seems to want to categorise everything into black or white, but the reality is that there are many shades of grey involved. The alpha vs beta is a classic example of this.

There exist men who are very successful with women, and there exist men who are very unsuccessful with women, but there are many men in between. It's more like a spectrum than a binary. You can't group all men into two groups and then apply these cartoonish stereotypes to them, and simultaneously remain in touch with reality.

Aspie1 seems to be projecting his negative experiences with therapy onto everyone rather than being curious to learn about how other people's experiences with therapy may have differed from his.

There are many factors that influence whether a person is able to find a romantic partner, and while some people are disadvantaged by genetic factors, environmental factors can also have a heavy impact.

We're in an age where the onus of finding a suitable partner is squarely on the individual, and if you're an introverted autistic man with pretty much no connections with women your age, that's a really challenging starting point. If you're not particularly good-looking, online dating can be a real slog, and can really take its toll on your self-esteem when you get absolutely no engagement.

I don't subscribe to the idea that I was biologically destined to be alone. There was always going to be an additional struggle, but surely dating doesn't have to be as hard as it is now. I just wish there were better ways to meet the right person.



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1934
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,064
Location: wales

10 Jul 2022, 8:04 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Aspie1 seems to want to categorise everything into black or white, but the reality is that there are many shades of grey involved. The alpha vs beta is a classic example of this.

There exist men who are very successful with women, and there exist men who are very unsuccessful with women, but there are many men in between. It's more like a spectrum than a binary. You can't group all men into two groups and then apply these cartoonish stereotypes to them, and simultaneously remain in touch with reality.

Aspie1 seems to be projecting his negative experiences with therapy onto everyone rather than being curious to learn about how other people's experiences with therapy may have differed from his.

There are many factors that influence whether a person is able to find a romantic partner, and while some people are disadvantaged by genetic factors, environmental factors can also have a heavy impact.

We're in an age where the onus of finding a suitable partner is squarely on the individual, and if you're an introverted autistic man with pretty much no connections with women your age, that's a really challenging starting point. If you're not particularly good-looking, online dating can be a real slog, and can really take its toll on your self-esteem when you get absolutely no engagement.

I don't subscribe to the idea that I was biologically destined to be alone. There was always going to be an additional struggle, but surely dating doesn't have to be as hard as it is now. I just wish there were better ways to meet the right person.


Have you tried online dating at all? (If it's one of those obvious questions forgive me)



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

10 Jul 2022, 8:21 am

The Grand Inquisitor actually looks more “alpha” than anything else.

He’s a fairly tall guy with a strong build. A little chubby—but so what? He’s not bad-looking at all in the face.



Aspie1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,749
Location: United States

10 Jul 2022, 8:34 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s not entirely tragic to have been raised in a foster home—but it’s certainly not an advantage to have been raised in one. Many foster parents do not treat these kids as well as they would have treated a biological or adopted child.
I kind of conflated the "foster" and "adopted" concepts in my mind as a kid. I just wanted to live with a genuinely loving family, rather than one who "sold" their love to me at "inflated prices": straight A's and utmost obedience. Not to mention, I was an adventure-seeker; i wanted a more fun routine than the "Groundhog Day" life I had, with just TV shows and weekend hikes in the park with my parents for entertainment, all of which could be revoked for a slightest transgression. My therapist, in turn, thought it was the cutest thing ever that I was unhappy with it all.



Last edited by Aspie1 on 10 Jul 2022, 8:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 30,244
Location: Hell

10 Jul 2022, 8:39 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
We're in an age where the onus of finding a suitable partner is squarely on the individual, and if you're an introverted autistic man with pretty much no connections with women your age, that's a really challenging starting point.


It can be really hard for autistic men (no pun intended) AND women.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,123
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Jul 2022, 12:34 pm

As a Gamma male, I am extremely radioactive.

A Hazmat suit is required for intimacy.

Spa-… I mean any hit-like activity may lead to an unfortunate incidence of mass destruction.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,123
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Jul 2022, 12:36 pm

How can you tell a chimp is alpha?

He wears a shirt with a big « A » on it.

And a cape.



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

10 Jul 2022, 1:29 pm

If a guy is still a virgin by 30 and has trouble loosing it, would it help if he tried to loose it to younger women say around 20ish because they might not care about a guy being a virgin as much as a lot of older women?