I am the XX year old virgin. Add your name to the list.

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Soon to be 28...

Not that anyone cares but me.

We care.

Just know that you're not alone. It may be shallow, but looking back now it's probably the biggest regret of my life thus far not to take advantage of certain opportunities when I had the chance. The situation is even more difficult for me because when I finally did try to make use of a waning opportunity I found out that I have condom impotence.

I admire you for being virgin. I am too.

I am 21 years old, never been kissed, and virgin. And I am happy to know there are so many people that don't use people.

22 years old and still a virgin. Not proud of it but don't hate it either, a couple odd situations made me realize that there's no point in having sex unless it's with someone you actually give a damn about.

Virginity... or lack of it... is really an insignificant detail when you think about it. There are non-virgins who are just as lonely as we are.

Yesterday I was a 38 year old virgin.
PROBLEM SOLVED.
Last night.
What a !@#$%^& relief.
It was very far from an "insignificant detail". It consumed me and cast a dark cloud over everything else that had previously seemed worthwhile in life.
I want to sympathize with all the old virgins on here who have, voluntarily or not, blown up losing their virginity into a life-blocking problem. At my advanced age I found it impossible to downplay the importance of the event. I felt worse about it with every passing year. And for anybody who hasn't gone through a prolonged virginity, it is impossible to feel what they are experiencing, so much of the advice or opinions on here from non-virgins is not helpful to them.
Having been there as recently as yesterday, and now finally being on the other side of that huge fence, I will offer what input I can to the disconsolate virgins out there.
I met her online at an atheist dating site. She's beautiful and smart and a little weird and cynical, which is perfect for me. So first off, don't give up on the net as a hunting ground.
The first time we tried it I couldn't get it up, at all. I was mentally psyched, and into it, and not even nervous because she was cool about the whole thing. Still, impotence may be the next hurdle for some of you as well. This is a warning to those thinking of going the escort service route: you could shell out a bunch of loot and be in for that kind of disappointment, so think it over longer.
At first I had no interest in viagra or any of that, since my equipment works fine, according to nightly tests. It was a mental block, a total unfamiliarity with intimacy. But I was willing to try anything to break through and she agreed to give me another shot. The viagra worked...really well. She left on unsteady legs at 6AM after coming several times.
As for what it's like...as some who've done it already said, there's no particular fireworks, super-bliss, or other spectacular galaxy-quake to the completion of the act. It was very physical; I was not carried away into another realm. The aspie brain was its usual self, noticing the pitch change in the slurping noises of the dick going in and out, glancing over at the half-open window and wondering if the neighbors had a partial view or no view, trying to remember to implement this or that technique for pleasuring her. There was a distinct loss of sensation through the condom which surprisingly hurt my pleasure more than hers; I was OK with that though because I was very pleased to be responsible for her orgasms.
As for the emotional ramifications: it does feel good inside to have finally slain this dragon. But it is only a life-changing event in terms of the milestone itself, and a boost to ego and confidence. Yes, I feel very mellow today, but there was no skipping through the tulips. I got up real late with a headache (viagra side effect) that was mostly at the back of my eyeballs; made some tea, paid some bills...normal stuff. I have to work tomorrow. Life goes on. I talked to her today and it looks like I have my first ever girlfriend, and that's nice. But it all feels very realistic. Non-magical. Very good but somehow very normal.
So to wrap up...to the old virgins out there: I was you, yesterday, and I suffered for 38 years before succeeding, so I know how hard it is to take or even hear advice like this...but keep trying. Muddle through. It is possible. I didn't opt for suicide or castration or hermitude, and something finally worked. Stay in the game.

Wow, I'm glad I bumped this tread up and effectively resurrected it from the dead.

Congratulations, man!

How did you get Viagra on such short notice? Did she bring it with her? It IS perscription, is it not? I'm only 28 but impotence was a problem for me the first time I tried to finally slay the dragon--not due to unfamiliarity with intimacy but unfamiliarity with condoms. I might have to go the Viagra route myself. Does a medication induced erection feel any different, less pleasurable? Does it eradicate any kind loss of momentum that might come with putting on a condom?

Also, was it hard to break it to a chick that you were still a virgin and had never even had a GF before at 38? Was she understanding and non-judgemental. I'm dreading this, too (though I've had a GF and been intimate with girls, just never had intercourse).

Any help/info would be appreciated. Thanks.

Last edited by bRain524 on 09 Oct 2008, 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It has whatever importance you think it has. If sex is a high priority for you, then yeah, losing your virginity is a big deal. Personally, I don't find this encouraging at all, but to each his own.

I confided in a male friend who has no trouble getting laid and was surprised to learn that he uses a quarter or half dose of viagra if he thinks he's too drunk to perform at full capacity with his girl. He gave me a free sample. The same week I had a doc appointment for something unrelated but I brought up that issue and got a prescription anyway. I haven't even filled it yet, I used the free sample the other night.
It unfolded like this: I tried a quarter tab when we got to my place, waited the 30 or so minutes for it to kick in (clues are a flushed, warm face and mild tension headache, mostly behind the eyes). We got naked, but nothing happened, just like our first attempt without the meds. We were both pretty frustrated and had a long talk; she seemed supportive and willing to stick around. We got dressed temporarily while I downed the other 3/4 of the pill. During the subsequent makeout session I got hard and dry-humped her until I came (we were still clothed). We took a break; she was encouraged enough to get naked again. With the "easy one" out of the way (meaning my 1st orgasm) what happened next was very convenient: I got hard again almost right away, but couldn't come, and the erection stayed bulletproof for an hour. So putting on condoms, pulling out to change positions, etc. was all trouble-free, and I was able to make her come multiple times. I never did come a second time, but I didn't care, it was such a long and thorough session and very rewarding to me emotionally to make her come.
The erection itself doesn't feel any different, except there's a mental disconnect at times - you don't go soft during distractions or pauses in the action. Semi-porn star status.

Wait, I have a question. Why is virginity, or lack of it, such an important, life-changing thing one way or the other? Is it simply obsession to obliterate an insecurity caused by perceived personal or social ineptitude and incompetence? I can't see another reason.

While I was a virgin, I wasn't necessarily proud of it, but I did respect it. I lost mine seven years ago (feels like it's been forever) at 20, and I barely remember the first time. Before that, the chance arose a couple of times and I never took it. It felt right to finally just screw around with a fellow virgin, with whom I'm still very close friends. It was an extension of all that childhood and adolescent experimentation I'd gone through.

Losing my virginity made no difference to me -- if anything, I had to keep myself from being disappointed, but the experience was ok all in all. I basically rarely had sex after that until I found someone who did make me want to dance through tulips. Now that's an experience worth waiting for, and the sex is only a small part of the equation.

I hate to bring it up for the second time in one day in yet another thread, but the lack of feeling that deep, mental bond, love and magic for people with ASD or HFA is possibly the result of lacking oxytocin, which is released during and after sex in waves. Viagra is said to help with the release of it, but if you start out with little to none in the first place, it may not make as big a difference. Then again, concentrating on the sensations, sounds an circumstances themselves probably negate the release, too. It takes a mental connection and deep attraction with the person to really get the high.

Cyberman: the thing is, after experiencing decades of loneliness and celibacy, I was desperate for ANY of the elements of the trifecta: sex, love, a steady girlfriend. Those were ALL important to me, but I was willing to settle for a one-night stand simply to know what it was like and also learn things that would be useful in pleasing a longer-term partner, should that opportunity come up.
Yes, losing your virginity is a badge for a guy, especially in the shallowness of American pop culture. But even if intellectually it's possible to reject that mindset and approach it your own way, 38 years of loneliness, rejection, and having way more trouble than anyone else accomplishing what seems to be a minor objective tends to cause insanity. It's hard to take, and it's hard to think about anything else...if you haven't been in that situation, and/or you lost your virginity at a comparatively young age (20s or less), then you can't comprehend the anguish those lost years cause.

Losing your virginity was utterly insignificant to you because you lost it at twenty, which is just about the perfect age to lose it--not too old but not too young either. What if you had waited ten or fifteen years? Would you still feel the same way? It is a huuuuge stigma, but it's also much more than that. It casts doubt not only on your ability to ever have sex, but to ever have another relationship or even go on a date or approach a woman with confidence...and with every passing year it gets worse. For me it's the one thing that's kept me tethered to my past and made me apprehensive about the future. Like dtoxic said, no one can understand what a prolonged virgin is going through unless they've had the experience. Even psychologists admit that prolonged virginity is generally unhealthy and can lead to neuroses or sexual dysfunction, and that most virgins will undoubtedly obsess about it once they go past a certain age.

In short, it IS a big deal.

Keep in mind that I am not necessarily waiting until marriage (although I would eventually get married). But I am waiting for the right person, though.

This thread really ought to be in the Adult Forum now. But what I find funny about "adult content" is that it tends to be really childish and shallow. Ironic, isn't it?

Most of the relationship threads I post probably belong in PPR, if that's any consolation.