so if you didn't feel like you had to get a girl....

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Spiderpig
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15 Jul 2014, 10:33 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
Isn't the elephant in the room in this thread sex, though. People want to have sex with other people. It is a natural and good thing. I've been doing an experiment the past few days as a result of things I've read on here - whenever I pass a man on the street (and I walk quite a bit - no car) I make a point of looking them directly in the eye and smiling as we pass. So far the lesser percentage have ignored me, the majority have smiled back at me and nodded or said hi, as did I. Not yet has anyone done anything inappropriate or even tried to start a conversation. I am going to continue with this experiment. I think some variables include my age and the demographics of where I live. But still my experience is valid.


So none of them wondered what was so funny about him? I think my first reaction would be to check out my shirt in case I have an egg stain there.


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15 Jul 2014, 10:41 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
So none of them wondered what was so funny about him? I think my first reaction would be to check out my shirt in case I have an egg stain there.

They were very pleasant. A lot of them were young guys too because there is a sports field nearby. Some of them seemed surprised, but happily.



em_tsuj
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15 Jul 2014, 11:24 pm

starvingartist wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ Hm?


funny, that's just what i thought when i read that.

em_tsuj, you may want to elaborate, as that looks a bit weird just sitting there by itself.

perhaps you were being ironic and we missed it?


It is very common for males to try to coerce women into having sex with them. It is very common for men to try to manipulate women into having sex with them. And it is very common for men to rape women. It is also common for men to be trained in the art of trying to get women to have sex with them, even if the woman doesn't want to. How many statistics have been quoted here in this thread alone?



Last edited by em_tsuj on 15 Jul 2014, 11:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

sly279
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15 Jul 2014, 11:26 pm

marshall wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
In a lot of cases women make the first move; but in a more subtle and less verbal way. In fact, in most cases, a woman has already pre-selected her guy but waiting him to react (asking out) to her (usually extremely obvious, even to AS) signs; often she would keep inviting him to her group of outing, and less commonly she might ask him obvious things like "what do I mean to you?" (real story happen to two male friends), "have you ever thought to have a partner?"...etc

This happened to most taken guys I knew; if this never happen to us then that it doesn't mean it never happens to other men. And this also make us realize the ugly truth: that we aren't attractive enough (looks-wise, career, social skills...etc); the key is not how to ask out but how to become generally attractive to the opposite sex, to at least to one type of them; that's why guys work out, go to diet, fake confidence, practice how to converse (sadly, this might lead them to pua materials)...etc; all to increase their attractiveness. Some guys are naturally attractive without doing any of those, others aren't that gifted so they have to work on it.

And don't worry about AS and nonverval signs reading; they are often very obvious with a lot of verbal hints that only a complete idiot wouldn't got them. If it never happened to you before it's not because you habe failed to read them your entire life but because it really never happened before. If you want a life partner, you should focus on increasing your attractivness rather than focusing how to read signs or how to write your first okc message; also you should also focus on forming friendships if you don't have any.

I think the issue is in order for a woman to make the first move on you you have to have female friends and acquaintances. Extraverts and NTs do better because they have a ton of little social connections. Most women aren't going to give signals or ask out someone they don't know that well. If you don't have many friends it's harder no matter how attractive you are on the surface.

Obsessing on shallow factors isn't going to help. Probably just having normal conversations with women increases the chances significantly. If you can't talk to women it's going to be harder. Most people don't have conversations on the street or in the store these days, so you almost have to be working or volunteering somewhere to have consistent contact with the same people. If you spend most of your time at home or places where you don't interact with anyone of the opposite sex consistently you're pretty much screwed. People don't reach out randomly in general. It's hard to even make friends in public. People just don't talk in public anymore. They're either on their phones and focused on their own thoughts 99% of the time.


which is why dating sites are my only chance. I don't mix work/volunteer with dating. don't poop where you eat. if you date and it ends badly they can mess it up for you at work or get you fired.



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15 Jul 2014, 11:29 pm

trollcatman wrote:
I hear the same from other women. At first I didn't understand why so many women are afraid to out at night on their own, because as a man you don't really think of it. Generally men have little to fear from women physically, and because of that they don't understand why women would be afraid of them. A women told me she was going home, and a creepy dude slowed down his car so he kept next to her, and then started say things like "Hey, looking good, want to come home with me?" in de middle of the night. That must be terrifying for a lone women.



I'm afraid to go out at night. I always look behind me randomly and if I see a person I'll speed up if they are ahead of me I cross the street.



em_tsuj
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15 Jul 2014, 11:37 pm

tarantella64 wrote:
I think you're right, that it's a minority of men, but a substantial minority. I think too that part of the problem's that the guys who aren't quite like that make up a bigger segment of the population, and they're looking over at these horrific creeps, and thinking, "He always gets what he wants, he doesn't let people push him around." And then every once in a while they'll do something awful to get what they want, and justify it as "I'm always so good, I deserve this one break" or "he gets more than me, why should I always suffer," or "at least I'm not like him, he's way worse." You get creep creep.


People aren't that easily manipulated. That is not how a man's mind works. If the person is capable of assault and thinks he will get away with it, he will do it. If a person is not capable of such violence, that person will not do it, no matter what. He might think about it, but he won't do it.



starvingartist
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15 Jul 2014, 11:50 pm

em_tsuj wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think you're right, that it's a minority of men, but a substantial minority. I think too that part of the problem's that the guys who aren't quite like that make up a bigger segment of the population, and they're looking over at these horrific creeps, and thinking, "He always gets what he wants, he doesn't let people push him around." And then every once in a while they'll do something awful to get what they want, and justify it as "I'm always so good, I deserve this one break" or "he gets more than me, why should I always suffer," or "at least I'm not like him, he's way worse." You get creep creep.


People aren't that easily manipulated. That is not how a man's mind works. If the person is capable of assault and thinks he will get away with it, he will do it. If a person is not capable of such violence, that person will not do it, no matter what. He might think about it, but he won't do it.


it's never that black and white when it comes to human behaviour, though. people are differently capable at different times and under variable circumstances--for example, my paternal grandfather was capable of some pretty awful (and i mean truly abhorrent) things when shit-faced drunk that he could never have done sober. just like no one is 100% good or 100% evil, all the time, but every gradation in between and varying from day to day and situation to situation.



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16 Jul 2014, 12:02 am

starvingartist wrote:
em_tsuj wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
I think you're right, that it's a minority of men, but a substantial minority. I think too that part of the problem's that the guys who aren't quite like that make up a bigger segment of the population, and they're looking over at these horrific creeps, and thinking, "He always gets what he wants, he doesn't let people push him around." And then every once in a while they'll do something awful to get what they want, and justify it as "I'm always so good, I deserve this one break" or "he gets more than me, why should I always suffer," or "at least I'm not like him, he's way worse." You get creep creep.


People aren't that easily manipulated. That is not how a man's mind works. If the person is capable of assault and thinks he will get away with it, he will do it. If a person is not capable of such violence, that person will not do it, no matter what. He might think about it, but he won't do it.


it's never that black and white when it comes to human behaviour, though. people are differently capable at different times and under variable circumstances--for example, my paternal grandfather was capable of some pretty awful (and i mean truly abhorrent) things when sh**-faced drunk that he could never have done sober. just like no one is 100% good or 100% evil, all the time, but every gradation in between and varying from day to day and situation to situation.


Alcohol has been associated with violence, including sexual violence. but not the stuff that tarantella is talking about. I do think it is that simple when it comes to sexual assault. The guy thinks he can get away with it, so he does it. There are some people though (myself included) who wouldn't do that. I am not capable of violence unless someone physically assaults me. I don't think guys who do stuff like that are mentally ill or abnormal. The percentage is too high. There is a violent potential in many men and it comes out when the right circumstances present themselves. Part of the problem is the ordeal victims have to go through in order to report the crime. It makes it easier for the perpetrator to get away with it. If the perpetrator is in a position of power over the victim, it makes things difficult. If the perpetrator makes threats to the victim, it makes things difficult. If the victim genuinely cares about the perpetrator, it makes things difficult. Guys who victimize others are good at picking victims. Most of the time, the victim and perpetrator know each other--maybe even family. Another thing to look at is the number of rapes in areas where there is constant warfare, no centralize government. Why is the rate of rate so high? Because the guys know that they can get away with it. They are in a position of power where it doesn't matter if the woman wants it or not. Who is going to punish them?

Risks of getting caught, the likelihood of the victim reporting the crime, this is what goes through the perpetrator's mind.



The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Jul 2014, 1:09 am

em_tsuj wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ Hm?


funny, that's just what i thought when i read that.

em_tsuj, you may want to elaborate, as that looks a bit weird just sitting there by itself.

perhaps you were being ironic and we missed it?


It is very common for males to try to coerce women into having sex with them. It is very common for men to try to manipulate women into having sex with them. And it is very common for men to rape women. It is also common for men to be trained in the art of trying to get women to have sex with them, even if the woman doesn't want to. How many statistics have been quoted here in this thread alone?


It's like how burning witches was "normal" in the past?



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16 Jul 2014, 2:01 am

vickygleitz wrote:
Here in Colorado, everyone pretty much smiles and says "hi' to whoever they walk by.


I know I try!


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16 Jul 2014, 3:38 am

Since this turned to a rape thread.

Here are some stats:
https://www.rainn.org/get-information/s ... -offenders

Quote:
The Criminal
The average age of a rapist is 31 years old.2
52% are white.2
22% of imprisoned rapists report that they are married.2
Juveniles accounted for 16% of forcible rape arrestees in 1995 and 17% of those arrested for other sex offenses.2
In 1 in 3 sexual assaults, the perpetrator was intoxicated ? 30% with alcohol, 4% with drugs.3
In 2001, 11% of rapes involved the use of a weapon ? 3% used a gun, 6% used a knife, and 2 % used another form of weapon.2
84% of victims reported the use of physical force only.2


Quote:
Rapists are more likely to be a serial criminal than a serial rapist.

46% of rapists who were released from prison were re-arrested within 3 years of their release for another crime.4

18.6% for a violent offense.
14.8% for a property offense.
11.2% for a drug offense.
20.5% for a public-order offense.


This can give insight what to do and what to do avoid.

The bolded part shows why carrying a self-defense weapon (Taser, pepper spray...etc) can be effective, in certain circumstances at least. It would give the victim a great advantage against the non armed offender.

Never get drunk in public places.

Always buy your own drink and always hold the cup closely.

Check the people's criminal records, especially the people you date.

None of those are solutions, just few precautionary measures.



onewithstrange
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16 Jul 2014, 7:04 am

starvingartist wrote:

do i need to make that clearer there, where i clearly acknowledged that i wasn't talking about all men, just the men on this forum who have difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication? i think it's pretty clear. does it need to be clearer? i could copy and paste it a couple times, or make it all caps or something, if that would make it easier to discern.


Ohhhhhhh okay, so it's only aspie and spectrum men who have poor impulse control and no respect for women. That's marginally better, I guess.... and probably as close to an apology I'll get out of you for also suggesting I may as well be trying to rape every woman I meet since according to you, their consent isn't really important to me and all.

Do you really not see how offensive it is to assume that because someone's autistic and prefers spontaneity in romance, that they must necessarily have poor judgment, no morality, no respect for women or people in general, and self-control issues? Is that really the argument you want to get behind?


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16 Jul 2014, 7:11 am

Quote:

do i need to make that clearer there, where i clearly acknowledged that i wasn't talking about all men, just the men on this forum who have difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication? i think it's pretty clear. does it need to be clearer? i could copy and paste it a couple times, or make it all caps or something, if that would make it easier to discern.



Write every word with a different color.



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16 Jul 2014, 9:19 am

Earlier in the thread I mentioned a study about men admitting to rape, as long as it was not called rape but described the action itself. Here is the study: http://www.davidlisak.com/wp-content/uploads/pdf/RepeatRapeinUndetectedRapists.pdf

Here is the thread I made in the adult forum about this study: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt263252.html

And this is the OP there:

Quote:
In the study they question 1,882 students at a university. They ask them whether they have raped, attempted to rape or assaulted someone, but they do not use those words. They describe certain actions instead. These are the four main questions:

1 - Have you ever been in a situation where you tried, but for various reasons did not succeed, in having sexual intercourse with an adult by using or threatening to use physical force (twisting their arm, holding them down, etc.) if they did not cooperate?
2 - Have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone, even though they did not want to, because they were too intoxicated (on alcohol or drugs) to resist your sexual advances (e.g., removing their clothes)?
3 - Have you ever had sexual intercourse with an adult when they didn't want to because you used or threatened to use physical force (twisting their arm, holding them down, etc.) if they didn't cooperate?
4 - Have you ever had oral sex with an adult when they didn't want to because you used or theatened to use physical force (twisting their arm, holding them down, etc.) if they didn't cooperate?

They also ask questions about battery and child abuse, but again they do not use those words. In all, of these 1,882 men 120 answered yes to one of those four questions, and these 120 men reported 483 of these acts. 44 of them were (according to them) one time offenders, while 76 were repeat offenders. There is also a strong overlap between this and admitting sexual abuse or violence against children, or admitting to non-sexual violence.



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16 Jul 2014, 11:54 am

onewithstrange wrote:
starvingartist wrote:

do i need to make that clearer there, where i clearly acknowledged that i wasn't talking about all men, just the men on this forum who have difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication? i think it's pretty clear. does it need to be clearer? i could copy and paste it a couple times, or make it all caps or something, if that would make it easier to discern.


Ohhhhhhh okay, so it's only aspie and spectrum men who have poor impulse control and no respect for women. That's marginally better, I guess.... and probably as close to an apology I'll get out of you for also suggesting I may as well be trying to rape every woman I meet since according to you, their consent isn't really important to me and all.

Do you really not see how offensive it is to assume that because someone's autistic and prefers spontaneity in romance, that they must necessarily have poor judgment, no morality, no respect for women or people in general, and self-control issues? Is that really the argument you want to get behind?


apparently i do need to make it clearer, because i didn't say any of those things, either.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE MEN ON THIS FORUM WHO HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH NON_VERBAL COMMUNICATION--WHICH IS IN FACT NOT ALL THE MEN HERE, JUST THE ONES WITH TROUBLE INTERPRETING NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION. SHALL I TRY EACH WORD A DIFFERENT COLOUR NEXT TIME, LIKE BOO SUGGESTED? WOULD THAT MAKE MY POSTS EASIER TO READ FOR YOU SO YOU CAN STOP MISINTERPRETING AND MISQUOTING WHAT I SAY? I'LL TRY THAT NEXT TIME, MAYBE, WHEN YOU MISINTERPRET THIS POST AND ACCUSE ME OF SOME MORE THINGS I DIDN"T SAY. UNTIL THEN, BON CHANCE INTERPRETING THIS ONE CLEARLY AND ACCURATELY WITH THE NICE BIG CAPS.



The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Jul 2014, 12:04 pm

starvingartist wrote:
onewithstrange wrote:
starvingartist wrote:

do i need to make that clearer there, where i clearly acknowledged that i wasn't talking about all men, just the men on this forum who have difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication? i think it's pretty clear. does it need to be clearer? i could copy and paste it a couple times, or make it all caps or something, if that would make it easier to discern.


Ohhhhhhh okay, so it's only aspie and spectrum men who have poor impulse control and no respect for women. That's marginally better, I guess.... and probably as close to an apology I'll get out of you for also suggesting I may as well be trying to rape every woman I meet since according to you, their consent isn't really important to me and all.

Do you really not see how offensive it is to assume that because someone's autistic and prefers spontaneity in romance, that they must necessarily have poor judgment, no morality, no respect for women or people in general, and self-control issues? Is that really the argument you want to get behind?


apparently i do need to make it clearer, because i didn't say any of those things, either.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE MEN ON THIS FORUM WHO HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH NON_VERBAL COMMUNICATION--WHICH IS IN FACT NOT ALL THE MEN HERE, JUST THE ONES WITH TROUBLE INTERPRETING NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION. SHALL I TRY EACH WORD A DIFFERENT COLOUR NEXT TIME, LIKE BOO SUGGESTED? WOULD THAT MAKE MY POSTS EASIER TO READ FOR YOU SO YOU CAN STOP MISINTERPRETING AND MISQUOTING WHAT I SAY? I'LL TRY THAT NEXT TIME, MAYBE, WHEN YOU MISINTERPRET THIS POST AND ACCUSE ME OF SOME MORE THINGS I DIDN"T SAY. UNTIL THEN, BON CHANCE INTERPRETING THIS ONE CLEARLY AND ACCURATELY WITH THE NICE BIG CAPS.


You can also try the 'each word on line' technique.

ie.
I
WAS
TALKING
ABOUT
THE
MEN
ON
THIS
FORUM
WHO
HAVE
DIFFICULTY

You may even try some line spacing.