Consequences in "why to ask first"

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sly279
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01 Sep 2014, 2:33 am

AngelRho wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
Consider how many posts here are aimed at "here's what you should do to keep yourself safe", with the implication that if you've been raped, it's because you didn't watch out and it was really sort of your own fault. I mean if you're going to wear a shirt that says "f**k me", or you live in a bad neighborhood, or you don't hover in paranoid fashion over your drink at a bar, then what do you expect, etc.


Why don?t you consider for a second that there might not be such implication anywhere in this thread, but in your mind? Most of the futile discussion going on for so many pages was about this point. Putting words in people?s mouths is also very reminiscent of the ?guilty unless proven innocent? stance.

sly279 wrote:
I hate rapist. I would likely kill them if i could. I try my best to comfort victims, by listening to them trlying to say nice things, holding them. being there when they need help etc.


Ironically, and according to the OP, doing precisely that may put you at risk of, years later, being accused of taking advantage of the victim yourself.

Agreed with this last point. Physical contact with a victim of abuse is tricky. It's often the exact opposite of what they want. Any time I've touched someone who was the victim of abuse was when that person initiated the contact. I had a brief fling with someone who fell to pieces on me after some minor fooling around, and I stopped seeing her because even if she thought she wanted me there, I could see that it really wasn't a healthy situation for her. It's tough, and sometimes it's better to avoid that even if she indicates it's what she wants.

One of my mentors back in the day said this: "When in doubt, DON'T."


yeah I wouldn't do it if they didn't ask. the abuse/rape victims Ive known have all be years after the incident. in which case when stuff reminds them of it some times they just want to be held and cry. I certainly get like that too some times.

though if it was say my gf/wife or kids, I would really want to hug them. one of my problems is I have empathy tons of it. I don't know how to express it. honestly even some times where person may just want a hug and i want to giv them one I don't know how. I usually don't know what to say. it can be very terrible to feel so sad for a person to feel somewhat what they must be feeling but have no knowledge of how to help :'( can only imagine I may appear as uncaring



Jono
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01 Sep 2014, 3:01 am

Sly, whatever clothes people wear has absolutely nothing to do with why they get raped. There are no statistics supporting this.



Dillogic
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01 Sep 2014, 6:15 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If you know your child will walk in a contaminated area (due to poor health control let's say) you will hand her/him a medical mask; you can't reason with the disease and expect it to not enter thro your child's nose; and you won't risk with your child's life just to prove something for the athorities or society.


Which is entirely different.

People aren't legally allowed to harm others based on the things they wear and/or where they are (some exemptions for the latter, but one usually must break the law to enter said places -- you won't be harmed most times though, other than perhaps being cuffed and detained).

This is where I live, of course, but it's also morally correct.

An adult allowing someone under their care to knowingly enter a place where there's a high risk of deadly infection, would be in the wrong (unless the reason for going there is actually safer than the alternative).

You blame the person that harms others -- there's no fault on the parent or child/whatever for going to a place where they expect, by law, to be safe. They very well might not be safe, but legally, they are.

Yeah, it might be seen as risk taking behavior, but again, that's their choice and they can't be faulted for it. We fault the bad people for harming them.



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Sep 2014, 7:03 am

^ my analogy isn't much different at all; rapists are a disease.

And note the safety meaures like not getting drunk in a college part isn't a safety measure against rape from strangers only but also from the acquaintances there, yes even bfs - same for this shirt.

You trio are impossible; you live in a lala land and lack a pragmatic sense.

You're arguing me because I am realisic while you're not at all.



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01 Sep 2014, 8:51 am

Ummmmm. Im a girl and I would tottally love if a gut just kiss me, grab me and kiss me. Dint ask. I mean why would I be in such close proximity to u anyway. There is a reason if our lips meet and I don't reciprocate then bak off. Its as simple as that men shouldn't be afraid of rejection. But they must acept it as it is and move on. Thats the diffrence between molestation and sweet spontaneity.


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01 Sep 2014, 9:39 am

Ummmmm. Im a girl and I would tottally love if a gut just kiss me, grab me and kiss me. Dint ask. I mean why would I be in such close proximity to u anyway. There is a reason if our lips meet and I don't reciprocate then bak off. Its as simple as that men shouldn't be afraid of rejection. But they must acept it as it is and move on. Thats the diffrence between molestation and sweet spontaneity.


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01 Sep 2014, 9:40 am

Ummmmm. Im a girl and I would tottally love if a gut just kiss me, grab me and kiss me. Dint ask. I mean why would I be in such close proximity to u anyway. There is a reason if our lips meet and I don't reciprocate then bak off. Its as simple as that men shouldn't be afraid of rejection. But they must acept it as it is and move on. Thats the diffrence between molestation and sweet spontaneity.


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cubedemon6073
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01 Sep 2014, 10:34 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ my analogy isn't much different at all; rapists are a disease.

And note the safety meaures like not getting drunk in a college part isn't a safety measure against rape from strangers only but also from the acquaintances there, yes even bfs - same for this shirt.

You trio are impossible; you live in a lala land and lack a pragmatic sense.

You're arguing me because I am realisic while you're not at all.


Maybe some people are sick and tired of being told to "get in the real world." Maybe what they want including myself is to interact in the world w/o having to be on guard all of the time.

How do you figure that wearing that shirt would increase anyone's chances of being raped?



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Sep 2014, 10:48 am

Try it yourself for two days outdoor, if you don't get harassed then come spit on my face.



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01 Sep 2014, 12:13 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Try it yourself for two days outdoor, if you don't get harassed then come spit on my face.


My response.

Heads one loses

Tails one loses.

Will the harassment one receives whether one wears the shirt or not in public be affected? If the harassment is the same for a woman, why does it matter? Based upon what women seem to say, I say wearing the shirt has little to no impact to the amount of harassment received.

If the amount of harassment a woman receives on a daily basis is 500 without wearing said shirt and wearing said shirt increases it to 502 then what is the impact? It would be marginal. Can you prove that wearing the shirt would correlate with increased amount of harassment in a substantial way?



tarantella64
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01 Sep 2014, 12:21 pm

Boo, nobody cares about shirts like this unless you're a grade-school student trying to wear the shirt at school. You might get sent home to change, not because you were inviting half the school to rape you, but because the school admin doesn't allow profanity on the t-shirts.

When I was a kid there was a local ice cream shop where all the pretty girls working there wore shirts that said, "LICK ME". Gross of the owner, for sure, and maybe even actionable, but there was no line for rape. Just ice cream.



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01 Sep 2014, 12:31 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Try it yourself for two days outdoor, if you don't get harassed then come spit on my face.


My response.

Heads one loses

Tails one loses.

Will the harassment one receives whether one wears the shirt or not in public be affected? If the harassment is the same for a woman, why does it matter? Based upon what women seem to say, I say wearing the shirt has little to no impact to the amount of harassment received.

If the amount of harassment a woman receives on a daily basis is 500 without wearing said shirt and wearing said shirt increases it to 502 then what is the impact? It would be marginal. Can you prove that wearing the shirt would correlate with increased amount of harassment in a substantial way?


No he can't because he's way too busy "living in reality" for that. He also suggested earlier that wearing a shirt that says "Murder Me" could increase your chances of being murdered because a sicko might see it as an invitation. I wonder, in the history of rape and murder, how many of the rape/murder victims were wearing a shirt that said "rape me" or "murder me" on it and whether wearing said shirt actually had anything to do with the fact that they were raped or murdered.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that people who've actually experienced rape first hand might know more about the reality of it than people who haven't.


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01 Sep 2014, 2:17 pm

tarantella64 wrote:
Boo, nobody cares about shirts like this unless you're a grade-school student trying to wear the shirt at school. You might get sent home to change, not because you were inviting half the school to rape you, but because the school admin doesn't allow profanity on the t-shirts.

When I was a kid there was a local ice cream shop where all the pretty girls working there wore shirts that said, "LICK ME". Gross of the owner, for sure, and maybe even actionable, but there was no line for rape. Just ice cream.


Ice cream shop is so different than a college party full of drunk young people.



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01 Sep 2014, 2:18 pm

Look people, to each his/her own way of parenting.
You won't change that.



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01 Sep 2014, 2:20 pm

Hmm very touchy subject in such scenereos i dont do anything I would let them kiss me first or ask me first and let her guide me the whole way if I feel comfortable enough otherwise if I don't like it I stop and push her away from me. Over 95% of relationships I have the female make all the moves.


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01 Sep 2014, 2:27 pm

Nights_Like_These wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Try it yourself for two days outdoor, if you don't get harassed then come spit on my face.


My response.

Heads one loses

Tails one loses.

Will the harassment one receives whether one wears the shirt or not in public be affected? If the harassment is the same for a woman, why does it matter? Based upon what women seem to say, I say wearing the shirt has little to no impact to the amount of harassment received.

If the amount of harassment a woman receives on a daily basis is 500 without wearing said shirt and wearing said shirt increases it to 502 then what is the impact? It would be marginal. Can you prove that wearing the shirt would correlate with increased amount of harassment in a substantial way?


No he can't because he's way too busy "living in reality" for that. He also suggested earlier that wearing a shirt that says "Murder Me" could increase your chances of being murdered because a sicko might see it as an invitation. I wonder, in the history of rape and murder, how many of the rape/murder victims were wearing a shirt that said "rape me" or "murder me" on it and whether wearing said shirt actually had anything to do with the fact that they were raped or murdered.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that people who've actually experienced rape first hand might know more about the reality of it than people who haven't.



Would I be a responsible and sensible parent if I let my (hypothetical) minor daughter to walk around in mini skirt in the streets of Saudi Arabia for example? Why? Just to prove what? It won't change anything there and I might lose my daughter.