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If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2015, 6:00 pm

Never had a white picket fence. Lived in apartments (flats) most of my life.

I once had six cats.



WantToHaveALife
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29 Jun 2015, 7:06 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
ya that's why I've often felt, I think I said this already, I feel if I ever do get a girlfriend and i'm out there with her in public, holding hands, and I see all these younger couples out there kissing, holding hands, it will bring back the pain, bitterness, resentment of what I missed out on earlier.
Yeah, on the occasions when I was with her in public, holding hands (she insisted), seeing younger couples... but disregarding age it also bothered me all the times when I saw thinner couples. She insisted on going to Chinatown once and there were a lot of thinner couples there. It was just my luck to be dating the world's fattest Asian girl :(
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I have an Aunt who recently got married for the first time ever in her life, being in her 50's, her husband is the same age as her, they have been together since 2008, and I remember my Aunt telling me that he said to her one time "I wish we met 20 years ago"
I know right? All these people say "you're never too old to find live" but when you get older, when you pair up when you're older, it means you've spent a significant fraction of your adult life alone. Maybe a quarter, maybe half, etc.

And the second half of adult life isn't all that great. If your adult life lasts from 20 to 80, the half from 50 to 80 isn't really the best years for coupling or any other activity aside from lawn bowls. Even if you meet someone at 30, it means you just missed out on the best decade of your life. In the likely event that she's the same age as you, it means you've missed out on the best decade of her life. The decade when she was pretty.

I could have met some girl when I was 18 or 19 or 20 at college. If I'd gone to college that is. I should've gone to college but I was too lazy :wall:


ya since unfortuneately our sex drive declines with age, our bodies become less tight and energetic for sex



kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2015, 7:09 pm

I'm 54, and my sex drive hasn't diminished one iota.

It can get really frustrating on the subway. People can't afford rooms--so the indulge on the train!



Peacesells
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29 Jun 2015, 9:53 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.



Non_Passerine
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29 Jun 2015, 10:23 pm

Peacesells wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.


Then why waste your romantic energy on someone you don't want to keep? What if you don't land another romantic partner?



314pe
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30 Jun 2015, 1:54 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Well, then save your time, skip the first girlfriend and start dating the second one. :)



StackedAces
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30 Jun 2015, 4:14 am

Heck no. 27 isn't even all that old.



RetroGamer87
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30 Jun 2015, 5:53 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Never had a white picket fence. Lived in apartments (flats) most of my life.
It sounds like you have the right idea. I hate gardening. I should try apartment life sometime. So long as I can get used to keeping the noise down. I might have to wear headphones all the time.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
ya since unfortuneately our sex drive declines with age, our bodies become less tight and energetic for sex
Are you sure sex drive declines with age? As for energy, I have far more of it now than I did when I was 20. I was really unhealthy back then. I weighed 300 lbs and that wasn't my only problem.
kraftiekortie wrote:
It can get really frustrating on the subway. People can't afford rooms--so the indulge on the train!
Your trains must be different in America. In none of the cities in Australia have I witnessed people having sex on the train.


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WantToHaveALife
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30 Jun 2015, 8:41 am

Peacesells wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.

So most people don't marry their first boyfriend or first girlfriend, and I believe that's a good thing, it helps to experience and explore, get to know different people so you know what you want in a partner



Peacesells
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30 Jun 2015, 12:41 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.

So most people don't marry their first boyfriend or first girlfriend, and I believe that's a good thing, it helps to experience and explore, get to know different people so you know what you want in a partner

It seems to me that you don't really want to have a gf, you just want to be like "most people" maybe. Being closed to the chance of her being wife material is pretty stupid and also cruel towards her, basically you just want to use her for, ehm, "experience". If you find someone that truly loves you, you really shouldn't do such a thing.



nurseangela
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30 Jun 2015, 1:01 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
ProfessorJohn wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
^^ I second that.

Ya, I want to be able to remove that bitterness and resentment, jealousy, its just I consider those years I missed out on to be the innocent puppy love years


I have had to work on these issues recently in therapy myself. One of the most obvious things, but something that is hard to admit, is that you can't change the past. The best we can do is to try and improve the present and the future. At least I now know what the problem was, and that not having a girlfriend until the late 20s is pretty typical for Aspies. All we generally see is NTs and how their lives are, and it is hard to not compare ourselves to them.

However, there is hope! I finally did get a girlfriend when I was 29. Would I have liked to have one earlier-I think so, although being single did allow me to do other things in live, like finish graduate school, without having to try and balance that with relationships. Probably a good thing since I have never really liked studying and put forth a lot of effort in that area.

The point is, it is never too late to start dating and relationships. I have had a couple of NT friends who didn't get married until they were in their 40s.


i hate it when people use the argument for people who did not get married until much later in life, because getting married is different from getting a boyfriend/girlfriend, or in this case, your first ever boyfriend/girlfriend, because getting your first ever boyfriend/girlfriend, relationship, is a milestone in any persons life, just like getting married is, but getting married is a different milestone, but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.


What if your first gf is the perfect one for you? You're just going to toss her away after you're done with her? Whatever happens, I sure do feel sorry for whoever the poor soul is that winds up being your first since you already have your mind made up of how things are going to go.


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sly279
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30 Jun 2015, 1:06 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
but i guess the reason why i say it like this is because i do NOT, i repeat, do NOT want my first gf to become my wife, i do not want to get married or settle down with my first.

Then if you don't want to be serious with her, there's the chance that you will eventually hurt her, and probably it's better that you don't get any.

So most people don't marry their first boyfriend or first girlfriend, and I believe that's a good thing, it helps to experience and explore, get to know different people so you know what you want in a partner



personally I'd love to marry my first gf, that would mean we were a good match. I'd rather only have had one lover meaning it worked out then have a bunch of exes that didn't work out. though I'm not out to be like all the other people with their tons of past bad relationships.



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01 Jul 2015, 1:39 pm

I'm 36 and have never dated anyone or had any kind of romantic relationship. I just don't have any realistic ways (for me) to make it happen. I don't work with any women and there are no single women in my small social circle. My lifestyle basically comprises going to work and coming home. I know I'm not going to meet any single women at work or home so that pretty much nixes that posibility. People tell me that could change if I just get "out there" but apparently that's some mythical place and I've never been able to find "out there". Must be up there near Narnia or something. I've tried online dating and that has never worked for me. I've never received a single response from a woman I've emailed. So, barring some weird situation where a woman I find somewhat attractive who happens to have weird interests like I do is driving by my house, has a flat tire and has to come and knock on my door for help, I just don't see it happening for me.



machf
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01 Jul 2015, 11:46 pm

Bataar wrote:
I'm 36 and have never dated anyone or had any kind of romantic relationship. I just don't have any realistic ways (for me) to make it happen. I don't work with any women and there are no single women in my small social circle. My lifestyle basically comprises going to work and coming home. I know I'm not going to meet any single women at work or home so that pretty much nixes that posibility. People tell me that could change if I just get "out there" but apparently that's some mythical place and I've never been able to find "out there". Must be up there near Narnia or something. I've tried online dating and that has never worked for me. I've never received a single response from a woman I've emailed. So, barring some weird situation where a woman I find somewhat attractive who happens to have weird interests like I do is driving by my house, has a flat tire and has to come and knock on my door for help, I just don't see it happening for me.

Buy a box of tacks and spread them on the street in front of your house, you may get lucky. :wink:

10 years older and in pretty much the same situation, unfortunately...



Artemis_Owl
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02 Jul 2015, 11:54 am

My bf was 26 when he got his first girlfriend (highly dysfunctional relationship that was on and off for 6 months). His undiagnosed aspergers certainly made it seem like he'd never find someone.
He and I were friends for Over a year before we actually dated, and I always kept my emotional distance because I thought he was too selfish to be in a romantic relationship with (I was attracted to him originally, though, and I liked being around him). He only texted me when I texted first, would only talk to me if I initiated conversation, never invited me anywhere, etc. I initiated all contact. At times he took this to mean I was interested in him romantically, but I wasn't. Mainly because he didn't seem like he cared about me (to my NT brain).
At some point he allowed himself or forced himself to do a couple of things that were kind of gestures. He offered to bring, then brought me food when I was sick, for example. He texted and asked me how I was doing the next morning. He told me good night or good morning via text. It was the first time I'd seen him be "sweet" and I was done. I had no idea he felt the things I later found out about because he didn't show it in the way I would have. :heart:
I've been with him ever since he showed me that, and we are moving in together next week. He just turned 29. It isn't too late.



sly279
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02 Jul 2015, 6:22 pm

Artemis_Owl wrote:
My bf was 26 when he got his first girlfriend (highly dysfunctional relationship that was on and off for 6 months). His undiagnosed aspergers certainly made it seem like he'd never find someone.
He and I were friends for Over a year before we actually dated, and I always kept my emotional distance because I thought he was too selfish to be in a romantic relationship with (I was attracted to him originally, though, and I liked being around him). He only texted me when I texted first, would only talk to me if I initiated conversation, never invited me anywhere, etc. I initiated all contact. At times he took this to mean I was interested in him romantically, but I wasn't. Mainly because he didn't seem like he cared about me (to my NT brain).
At some point he allowed himself or forced himself to do a couple of things that were kind of gestures. He offered to bring, then brought me food when I was sick, for example. He texted and asked me how I was doing the next morning. He told me good night or good morning via text. It was the first time I'd seen him be "sweet" and I was done. I had no idea he felt the things I later found out about because he didn't show it in the way I would have. :heart:
I've been with him ever since he showed me that, and we are moving in together next week. He just turned 29. It isn't too late.


was told never text or inisate first. that its clingly. to be distant from woman you love. ^o.o> I go through great pains and depression to resist texing women I feel attracted to always waiting for them to text first.