Why is it girls have an easier time getting dates than guys?

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You're wrong. What I am pointing out is that good character is not enough to make someone sexually attracted to you. A female platonic friend has often spoke of wanting a man with good character but she's honest enough to admit that good character is not sufficient to make her want to date, mate, and procreate with a man. She's 5'1" and wants a man with good character who is at least 6' tall.

And there are PUH-LEN-TY of men with rotten characters who have no trouble attracting women. Probably because despite doing the wrong things, they *say the right things*. The world of dating and social interaction is not a meritocracy. Which is exactly what Nice Guys™ don't understand! Real life is not a romantic comedy where the man from humble origins with good character wins out over the jerk with overt sex appeal to get with the PYT. Just sayin'......




Correct. That is what I've been trying to get across to wilburforce and Varelse.

I see; so, the men I think that I'm attracted to I'm actually not attracted to, because you don't believe I can be attracted to the way a person conducts themselves and you have a friend who lies. Interesting. I'll try to keep in mind for future reference that according to you I'm wrong about what I'm attracted to. Can you tell me anything else about myself that I'm wrong about? If I'm not actually attracted to the men that I think I'm attracted to, like the guys I've had relationships with, then what men AM I attracted to and how can I tell I'm attracted to them if I actually think I'm attracted to the guys I'm dating with good moral character?

Excuse me, but DO NOT accuse my friend(s) of lying. I have seen myself the kind of guys she dates. One of her ex-bf's was a man of extremely good character and she liked him as a person.....But she confided in me that she really didn't find him sexually attractive. Her most recent ex was narcissistic manchild who was emotionally abusive. What she said is that she stuck with him because of fear of being alone but what she liked about him at the beginning was his physical appearance.

I honestly have no idea what kind of guys you actually date IRL nor do I particularly care. That's your business. I'm not trying to psychoanalyze you, but I am rather skeptical of those who claim that good character by itself is the *sole basis* of your partner selection.

Then you're arguing with straw men, because I never said that was the sole thing I look for in a partner--it is just one of the most important things when it comes to building a relationship that I hope will last a long time. If someone is insanely physically attractive, but has a really crappy personality (unkind, mean-spirited, petty, cowardly), over time they become less and less attractive to me--they begin to look more and more ugly, because their sh***y attitude colours everything they do and the more of it I observed the more it colours their appearance to me in a negative light. That is just how it works as I get to know people--the way they look either grows on me because I like who they are and I respect them, or the way they look becomes more and more unpleasant to me as time passes if they are crappy people that I don't like or respect very much. I'm sorry if that is hard for you to understand or believe, but that is simply how it has always been for me with everyone I have known, ever since I was a child. Do with that information what you will.

I agree. I've seen "attractive" people who are ugly because they are nasty

Yep. One may look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under't.

I doubt there is any one clear cut definitive answer to your question, I fear the best I can do for you is to share my thoughts and hope they are of some use to you.

I believe it is because the range of women that are considered attractive (in comparison to men) is significantly broader.

Why?

Because more women have an easier time getting dates than men.

No? Okay then.

I believe it's because women have a larger arsenal to work with than men.

I ran a quick search on Google of the most attractive men, just in case things have suddenly changed overnight, they haven't.

The most attractive men in the world all have one thing in common, they all use cosmetics.

To most women I've met, makeup and cosmetics is their bread and butter. Most have been doing it since childhood, but almost all young women have mastered the skill by graduation.

Yes, I do consider proper application of makeup and cosmetics on oneself (or any other person) a skill, and a very important skill at that. I also consider good fashion sense to be an important skill.

Now I don't know how it is anywhere else, but here in Scotland we don't teach young boys about makeup and cosmetics, we don't gift them makeup sets at Christmas. In fact I believe most parents would consider it an act of cruelty to hear of other parents gifting and teaching their children how to properly makeup and cosmetics.

Fortunately, this kind of backwards thinking is quickly dying off. Over the years I've seen more and more boys and young men dyeing their hair, gelling it up, making use of lip balm and moisturizers.

I think this is fantastic, and needs to be more widely encouraged.

What about most of the men that you know?

Most of the men I know have a very low and often hypocritical opinion of makeup and cosmetics, a small number might at a push consider gelling as making use of cosmetics, most would consider it a personal attack on their manliness.

I once held the exact same opinion before I became enlightened seven long years ago. The source of that enlightenment was when I was introduced to a friend of a friend, he was...

*Pulls mic down from ceiling and adopts boxing announcers tone and voice*

A young man 30 years of age, standing in at 5 foot nothing, and weighing in at almost 600lb. That's 270kg for you folks at home using the metric system. With a face dressed up like a movie star that will knock you clean off your feet, and a body that could literally crush you to death.

*cough-cough*

The revelation that store bought makeup and cosmetics could make a morbidly obese man more attractive should never have been a revelation to begin with. Still, meeting with her friend had the effect that she had intended, and gradually dipped my toes into the world of fashion and cosmetics. Or I would have if she I hadn't pushed me into the deep end, fortunately she was there to hold my hands, give encouraging advice and generally keep me from drowning or being washed away.

After I started using cosmetics and wearing designer clothing, people started looking at me different, especially women.

Any man who has ever received a wolf whistle from a female construction worker, or been out shopping and had a woman look them up and down, will know exactly what I'm talking about.

Whenever this happens to me, especially outside the environment of a club or pub (places where I intentionally want to advertise myself), I feel like saying something.

Something like: Hey! Don't you objectify me! I'm a person! Not a donation for your personal spank bank!

I am aware of the irony in play here, and I find it disappointing that it is ironic. I mean if women who are routinely objectified by men know exactly how it feels, why oh why do they have to treat us the exact same way. It boggles my mind.

Hmm... This is looking to be another long post. I have a lot more to say, but I think I'll stop here. You know, before the question of whether anyone is going to read through all this becomes much less ambiguous.

Please keep writing; I love long thoughtful posts.

@Idealist:

There are plenty of men who do put effort into their appearance and styling gel and wear cool clothes(though not necessarily designer clothes). But what really gets wimminz attention is when you work out and bulk up(in terms of muscles)! If you like wearing makeup, go right ahead. I admit that I tried that a bit when I was much younger(in terms of guyliner and black nail polish)but it didn't really have the effect that you claim it does.

Most women aren't turned on by androgyny in men any moreso than men are turned on by butch women(and I'm talking about str8 people mind you). But are you gay or bi? If so then I get it. Even if not, whatever floats your boat. Furthermore, it sounds like you're doing some kind of social experiment by trying to reverse gender roles. Straight people generally want a partner who doesn't resemble a member of their own sex. A lot of women are really turned OFF by effeminacy in men(in terms of putting excessive effort into your looks the way a lot of gay guys do).

The most visually attractive men generally do use cosmetics when they're photos are taken. But the kind of makeup they wear is very different than what women wear and in most pictures it isn't readily clear that they're wearing makeup. And the reason for wearing makeup is because of lighting. Actors of both sexes wear makeup for this exact reason. However, the vast majority of people in this world do seem to regard women as the prettier sex(and I'm one of them). Nevertheless.....You will surely find that if you're male, looks alone don't compensate for lack of other traits.

Last edited by AR1500 on 10 Dec 2015, 4:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

I agree.

@Idealist:

Maybe something like moisturizer could improve my complexion but I won't wear hair gel because I hate the way it looks. I'm going to assume that girls who have similar taste to me also hate the way it looks. Actually I really hate the modern style of men's hair. It looks far to androgynous to me. Maybe the modern girl likes the androgynous look for men. But if I make myself look better for woman, I want to do it in such a way that I still like the way I look.

I know there have been plenty of cultures in the past in which men wore make up, e.g. Ancient Egypt but nowadays it's not really what I'm going for. Especially not eye shadow, I don't even like eye shadow on girls (eye liner on the other hand improves girls' looks and lipstick is almost a necessity for girls). I'll admit that when used sparingly, makeup generally improves girls' appearance.

Thank you for clarifying. And you know what? I actually agree with you. If you're in a long term live-in relationship with a petulant narcissist(who is certainly unkind, mean-spirited, petty, cowardly, disloyal, ill tempered, and more)then after a while it doesn't matter how beautiful and/or sexy they are. Their personality is so toxic and their behavior so unpleasant that your feelings of attraction for them are more than canceled out. Once you realize they're never gonna change you wish that you were single once again.

However, people aren't always what they seem. In order to find out who they really are and assess their character you must get to know them and most of all see how they behave in private. Some of the most rotten characters I've run into are masters of disguise. At first they charm your socks off and lure you in.....then their true colors come out behind closed doors. But what I was getting at is the *initial* attraction to someone when you've just met them and don't know them that well. THAT is where the superficial stuff matters.

As a guy who is 6'2", I would be reluctant to date such a girl because she's too short. I know there are girls who like being short and I've even spoken to tall girls who wish they were shorter but I don't think short girls are cute, they're just not a good match for me.

I like it when a girl looks me in the eye, not looks into my shoulder. I want to kiss her without having to bend down. Of course the hypothetical 5'1" can have whatever tastes she wants but I think it would be more convenient for both parties if she dates a guy only slightly taller than her. Unfortunately for me, 6'+ girls are rare.Ok, fair enough but then what type of guy does get the girl?

Want the ultimate dating hint, guys? I've got it. Just stop caring so much. Give them just enough attention to whet their appetites, and they'll come to YOU.

Trust me. I did, and as soon as that happened, I got my first girlfriend.

Such is the backwards thinking, that men and women our age and older stereotype cosmetics as an exclusively feminine product. Yet the vast majority of women are attracted to men who make use of cosmetics.

I make very subtle uses of a variety of cosmetics to achieve a very natural and attractive look. Younger women are more likely to appreciate the amount of time and effort put into making myself appear more attractive for them. Older women tend to find men that use cosmetics very off putting.

A good example would be from a couple years ago, when I was romantically involved with a women in her mid 50's. She was very vocal about her displeasure in my use of cosmetics, however it clearly wasn't a deal breaker.

Caveat...I have not bothered to read *all* the posts, so please excuse me if I am repeating someone.

First off, about cosmetics.
I don't use them. Now granted, I never had as many guys after me as other girls did after them.
BUT, when I met my husband I had three guys interested in me.
And I have never liked guys that use cosmetics.
The ones more interested in "natural" are the ones who are going to like me more.

I am decently attractive. Not gorgeous, not ugly.
When I met my husband, I did absolutely nothing at that point in time to spruce myself up.
I wore jeans and rock-band t-shirts. I barely brushed my hair.
Still, I had three guys after me.

So, the question is why do girls have an easier time getting dates.
I do think guys have less specific "standards." I won't say lower. I will just say they have broader tastes.
One girl in their circle might stand out more than the rest in a particular way, so she will attract more of the guys.
Obviously, only one gets the girl, so the other guys have to find someone else.
They may even "compete" for the next one as well.
When three guys wanted to date me, two other girls were not getting their attention.
It settles out in the wash, as they say.

From age 13 on, I've almost always had someone attracted to me.
Most of the time, the guys just weren't a good match for me (IMO, not theirs, obviously.)
If I and the guys in my life were all single, there would be at least a few who would ask me out.
I think it is because I am approachable and guys find me easy to talk to, and probably makes them more willing to take a chance on asking me out.

So, summary...
Girls are harder to please, so their standards are narrower.
Fewer guys will meet the standards of girls.
Guys have broader tastes, so they will be interested in a greater number of girls.
This means that until everything gets settled out and people find their "one", at times several guys will be going after the same girl.
Cosmetics don't necessarily make a difference.
For me, it has actually benefited me to not use them because I think it makes me more approachable.

I'd be interested to find out if many women have had several guys pursue them, or if most just start dating the first guy who comes around. It *may* be that those women who are more aloof attract a bit of a following before choosing someone. The longer a woman is single, the more guys might think they could have a chance with her.