Aspie Soap Opera Update

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Hey ToS. Good to 'see' you. The conversation was definitely not boring. We went back and forth with anecdotal stuff and lots of 'lol's and 'haha's. Oh my gosh, it was kinda like...

hanging out!! !

Just without the stuttering and constant "quit looking at her boobs" loop in his head. Perhaps at this point it was the best I can hope for? It was a very nice way to start the day, though.

I'm glad everything's going OK. i wanted to proof-read that for ya, but i wen't through some s**t that had me really down. And trust me, i'm not exaggerating one bit. It was bad. Anyhow, I'm feelin' pretty good again, due to a miracle. So i'm ready to turn into Aspie Dr. Phil again.

Any questions?

^ No worries. I haven't sent anything yet. I read your post in The Haven and I didn't want to bother you. You sound better today.

The chat that happened this morning was a fluke. I saw that he was on-line so I typed a quick 'hey you' and then as I was chickening out and erasing it, I must've accidently hit enter because next thing I know, there's a reply. We just started chatting and the next thing I know it's been almost an hour and a half!! So, that's a good sign, right?

But now I'm not sure how to follow up. Aspie Dr. Phil?

Maybe something simple like " I had fun yesterday, how's today going?". That wau there's no pressure to day he had fun too, but the opportunity is open. If he doesn't feel comfortable with it, he'll just report on how his day is goin'. Either way, the conversation continues.....




EDIT: Um, decided to edit out the rest of the message, now that I'm sober, and re-read it. It didn't make sense. Ooops.

Last edited by jawbrodt on 09 Jun 2009, 4:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The "hanging out" model of socialization may be better for relating to an aspie, especially in earlier stages, as hanging out generally engenders a more comfortable situation in general, especially when compared to the stress of actual dating... I know that the women I've been attracted to over the years don't generally elicit any special outward response from me... most of the time, I would rather just sit there with all that anecdotal stuff than play "the game"... it's outwardly indistinguishable to how I treat regular friends (although my definition of friend is a lot more strict than the definition the rest of the world uses), and half of the time I don't even realize the developing attraction myself until much later (I've recently figured out that I fell in love with a woman three years ago and hadn't realized it for much of that time)...

In any case, I think that you've stumbled across the ticket to his heart...

I hope so. So, is over an hour on chat a big deal? I have no idea cuz I've never chatted with a guy like that before...

I'd say it is (you should have seen me grinning like a fool when I read your PM this morning ). I bet his brain is on overload replaying the conversation. He may be self critical. Most Aspies are. The nice thing about chatting online is that it's less demanding in terms of social interaction. He has to focus on his words, but he doesn't have to worry about all of the physical stuff like body language and eye contact. So it can lessen the anxiety a little bit.

I would definitely fire off a note the says "I just wanted to say I really enjoyed our chat. I hope you're having a good day." Something like that.

Yay!! !

I will be in touch with him in some form or another in the next day or two. It's weird--I feel like I'm being the guy here. Weigh in, jawbrodt. Is an hour+ chat a good sign and at what point would you feel chased beyond tolerance??

I don't know what just happened with the quotes. They're backwards. I can't seem to fix it, either.

Okay, I'm not jawbrodt, but I would say an hour+ chat is a good sign for you, since an aspie wouldn't spend that much time on someone unless he liked said someone...

Yeah, I agree with TOS. I know jawbrodt better than most and he wouldn't put that much effort into an hour of chat if he didn't give a damn.

You're good. Keep us posted.

Thank you ToS. Your two cents in always welcome here! That's kinda what I was wondering.

BTW, I saw that you had "lunch" today. How weird is that, that she just showed up out of the blue after you were thinking about her??? You've said yourself, you need to be friends for a while and see where it goes. So, do you think you can keep in regular enough contact with her to stay on her radar?? And good for you for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. We might get happy endings after all. Even if they don't look exactly like we think they should...

Okie-dokie, Goddess.

*deep sigh of relief*

Well at least it's nice to know that I'm welcome here in this thread...


Part of the problem is that I don't know what she wants... while her relationship status on facebook is listed as "single", it's perfectly legit for anyone in the 18-30 range to simply not be looking for relationships...

In any case, I don't want to hijack your thread, if you want to talk about this further, send me a pm... I'd love to hear any advice you might have for me...

Oh yeah, i definitely agree with everybody that the chat was a totally good thing. The more you 2 talk about, the more he's going to feel comfortable doing it. The anxiety is probably caused by spontaneously thinking about everything that's unknown, so talking is excellent.

And i would wait at least a day, maybe even 2, til you try to chat again. He probably needs some time to "come down" from the high he got from talking with you. I bet his day, afterwards, was one of the best days he's had in awhile. It's draining though, so give him a little time, unless he decides to contact you first. I'd say to keep it to 3 days per week, tops. Two would probably be better until you get a chance to "feel him out" so to speak.

Poifect. That's what my gut was telling me.

Very wise.