please stop these "any girls out there" threads

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I agree to some extent to both of you. While I think that actually one shouldn't limit oneself to an internet forum for one's way to find a suitable partner, there is actually a possibility that romantic partners will findeach other through an internet forum. My own experience has never been of searching for love at all, and I have never started an "any boys out there" thread and will never start one. However, I did meet my boyfriend through an internet forum. Maybe it is the difference between "you find love" and "love finds you": for passionate-to-the-point-of-obsessive love hunting, an internet forum is not the place (go to a dating site or a pub instead), but it is well possible that love will find you on a forum. I won't respond to "any girls out there" threads, and sicne I already have a boyfriend and want no-one else, I won't respond to private messages asking for my phone number or to meet me, either (someone who sounds interesting enough to chat with, can have my E-mail or IM address, but just for that purpose), but I have done that in the past.

I like the hypocrisy of this thread. Most of the people moaning about these ' any girls out there' type threads are already spoken for anyway so how can they understand the feelings of the posters they're complaining about.

Some of the people who post these threads have never hada relationship, cut them some slack they aint causing any harm.

Actually I would think that those who are in relationships or who have had good relationships would have better advice on how to obtain them than those who have not had a relationship?

The OP makes a very good point - that the threads that people post are not going to achieve the goal of the poster - to find a woman to be with. I know if I was single I would not reply to a person who posted such a thing as it would seem to me that they were desperate. I do not find desperation an attractive feature at all. Some women do but they are far from the majority. The OP's advice:



is very good. Hopefully people who are looking for a relationship take note.

Not necessarily. If you agree with 'loves find you' idea then a lot of it is don't to luck.

Also why assume that these posts are out of 'desperation' maybe they come from fear of loneliness or just curiosity. Regarding the OP's advice what if people cant be bothered to reply to these pms. Then its just a wasted effort.

So being in a relationship now means that someone has never been lonely, or never felt the feelings of these posters?

No im not that saying at all. Infact actually quite the opposite the point is those who are relationships and have been lonely in the past, perhaps shouldnt be so unsympathic/harsh towards the thread posters im trying to defend.

Although I would also say those who been in relationships for most of their lives and in a far less understanding position to pass judgement on those who claim to be lonely.

I don't agree with all these threads being posted either, but I can see the reasoning behind why people post them.

Well, I guess those posters aren't pointing guns and forcing us to see their threads...

It just gets very repetitive and it doesn't seem like these needs are even being met. This is a support site, there's places like Aspie affection where the posters might have more luck.

Also it's offputting, it's the equivalent of saying "I want a date. Who's around? Ok, you'll do." Much better to go to a dating site, or meet an interest group to be friends with, then if you hit it off with someone ask them out personally.

Look them up and organise a meet through the net if it helps with the anxiety. Talk to them a lot first on the net if you're really scared. But get to know people in some way, hit it off, then ask them out. Don't just start a thread and order a date like she was a pizza.

It may not be so easy for some; we aren't all the same. Some of us aren't to this level yet. Others may never be.

However, the spirit and content of this I agree with 100%. This is exactly right about it feels to read it! Like any person will do (which makes a potential date feel less special (which is what kills the responses)).

I don't mind the posts because they can also serve as education for those doing it when kind people with good intentions post something in the thread with suggestions that they can try (just like many are doing here). I think, being that this is a support site, that this is the right thing to do. To support and help each other from a good place. It's what I shoot for, even though I'm plenty fallable

Exactly, it's hard. And it won't happen right away. I'm not yet to this level in finding social groups either, but I am scouting around to see what's in my area and people that might be good to hang around with sometimes. Then maybe I might meet them one day if I still feel good about it, decide after I've met them if we could be friends. Getting aquainted in baby steps. Not just "who's here? You're my friend/date now." Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't.

I didn't mean to be harsh. It's just there's many threads saying "I'm looking for a girl", WP might not be the place for it, and I can practically hear them echo with the lack of answers. I'm trying to help out with better suggestions.

You didn't read as harsh to me at all. Just helping out from a good place.

I agree with the original poster. I'm not suggesting that these threads get deleted or anything like that. It's just slightly annoying to see such ignorance of what the Love and Dating forum is; the idea people who post these threads seem to get is that this is a personals section, when reading nearly all of the threads would suggest otherwise. Most of the people posting these threads don't seem to know that the purpose of this forum is not to serve as some Aspie Affection-style community, but even then there is a thread for making such personals-type posts.

I do know plenty of couples who met through internet forums. Some of them I don't actually know from internet forums, but rather they are among my friends and family in real life. After a bad experience I've found that looking for people on internet forums isn't for me, but it has worked out pretty well for many others. I certainly can't suggest a winning formula, but a good first step which virtually all of these people seemed to have taken is to gauge how interested the people you like are in you, and if things look promising then take conversations on the forum to PMs and possibly instant messaging.

The one thing that holds me back from saying "don't make these threads" more often is that, especially on a place like this where people sometimes react differently to forward claims like "any girls around here" than most do, doing such a thing might just work. Especially since their request consists of an entire thread rather than a single post in a huge personals thread. So if it has worked for anyone, I might have to eat my words. Though, to this day, I haven't heard of it working for anyone.

I think that is not so much the point. I don't read threads I am not interested in (so after the first couple of the "any girls out there" threads that came up I stopped reading them) so if people keep posting that stuff it is not really going to bother me.

However, one of the big points I think, from the OP, is that this is a really really bad way to meet a girl. So it seemed more like a 'stop posting threads like this as it is not a good idea' rather than all about just them being irritated by them. I know personally I get really irritated at people who I think are approaching things in a bad way, but I still think that it is their right to do whatever they want.

She mentioned some personality type that involves directing and supporting yourself, which I had been doing for my entire life. Yet she accused me of not having said personality type.

The reason I was attracted to her was because she was the only female Aspie (I have not done very well with NTs) who liked the things I like and was also a Christian. Everybody else who had the same interests was a hipster, and they usually only date other hipsters, and I have no interest in becoming a hipster. Liberal people think I am bigoted and intolerant because I am a Christian.

Well if she doesn't think you have that personality type, you saying you do is not going to affect her opinion. She is discussing how she sees you, not how you see yourself.



Ok. Basically attraction has to work both ways. You were attracted to her, she was not attracted to you. There is nothing you can do about this and the best thing is to move on and try to find another person that you are attracted to and hope that she feels the same. Once someone turns you down, it is very inappropriate to keep pursuing them.

So in other words, I should approach hipsters and ask them if they want to date a bigot (even though I am not one at all)?