To the arsty liberal people...

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I think you're painting a broad brush stroke over liberals.

Not all liberals...certainly me, don't think you're antichrist or awful. I'm not sure what kind of liberals you're talking about. There are all kinds of liberals just as there are all kinds of republicans and christians.

In fact, most of your interests and ideas would most likely go against the grain of the conservative majority.

This statement bothers me a lot... not because I think it's untrue, in fact I think it's very much true and I know how much it sucks to be the recipient of it. It's great and all for people to welcome strangers with open arms, but very sad that people may be quick to judge once the welcome mat's been worn down. There's definitely a time to be open-minded and a time to be judgmental, but I mean it'd be great if people could listen to other people first with an open mind and not be too quick to judge. Sorry, I don't mean to turn this into a debate on religion or anything. Oh... as an aside, Happy Belated Birthday!


Tim you have to look beyond the labels. You don't have to pretend to be someone you aren't. The problem is that you aren't accepting the person you really are. It's interesting... the sense I'm getting from you is that you are in fact quite moderate, but then you wanted to paint yourself as conservative Republican for some reason (traditional fiscal conservatism strikes me as more Libertarian than Republican these days). Once you realized you weren't having much luck with meeting conservative women, rather than strip off the inaccurate paint you had put on yourself, you now are considering applying a "liberal" paint on top of the inaccurate paint and then hope to get dates with the "artsy liberal" women? People will see the sloppy paint job because you aren't being true to yourself, and that's a big turnoff.

Tim, it's not a good idea to change yourself by brute force for any reason, especially to meet women. Relationships don't last if you have to pretend to be someone you're not. You have to be yourself. You have to be comfortable with yourself. However, please understand also that who you are changes over time, because in normal healthy life, people grow and learn. Getting too attached to a label will stifle your own growth and learning process. "Republican" or "Democrat" ultimately doesn't define you. You define you.

You seem to be focusing on either the "conservative" women or the "artsy liberal" women. If you insist on a label, how about trying to look for women of the "moderate" label? You know... people more like yourself?

Tim_Tex, why don't we take a look at your original post and I will explicitly tell you why it offends me.

Okay, we start off well, only to find that in the next sentence you are incredibly judgmental.



The implication with that phrase is that you think all liberals love high taxes and inefficient government programs. I don't don't think there is anybody on the planet that likes high taxes and inefficient government programs so why are you bringing this up? Do you think that liberals have these beliefs? You drip of unfounded moral superiority over a group you clearly know nothing about.




Have you looked? How hard have you looked? There is a lid for every pot. I know a ton of Republicans that love the Simpsons and South Park. You must have your head in the sand.



Lets go back to that artsy hipster-ish liberal comment. I can just imagine some nice hip artiste chick who takes her belief system very seriously, wants people to be healthy, doesn't want wasteful spending on multiple offensive wars, thinks the broken healthcare system where 15% of the population has no medical insurance might need some tweaking, is uncomfortable with the free-market untethered approach of our failing banks, thinks the mortgage industry might need some oversight and is concerned about our diminishing personal freedoms might not want to be hounded by the offensive-to-her beliefs by her SO, nor would she entertain the thought of an entire evening with someone who thinks because of her political affiliation wants to see wasteful government spending on programs that don't work.

Yes, your prospecitve artsy hipster liberal date will be cute. Yes, she probably will be more hip than her Republican sisters. Yes, she will be liberal. Yes, she will be creative and artistic. However, she will probably want someone who won't be judgmental about who she is and respect her point of view.

You want the cutie hipster but you don't have what it take to attract her. Stick with the Republicans unless you are willing to adjust your attitude.

Nope, especially not someone that doesn't realize the obvious contradiction in saying "I'm fiscally conservative, but socially liberal."

I don't think it's a contradiction. This is what California Governor Arnold Scwharzenegger is. And he's married to a liberal- Maria Shriver so it must be possible for these sorts of couples to be together. Not common. But not impossible.

I think that sharing the same political and religious beliefs is a lot more important than sharing interests in TV shows or movies. Important but not a dealbreaker. It all depends on how flexible both of you are. If you are both willing agree to disagree and not try to convert the other to either your political or religious beliefs then it could work. But agreeing to disagree is mandatory. If you date somebody who doesn't share your political or religious beliefs and either of you thinks that given time, they can just get the other to "see the light" through example or persuasive arguments, then the relationship is doomed. But the interests in the same TV shows or movies? That doesn't matter at all. Especially not in these days of DVRs and TiVo. Back in my parents' day it caused friction when my mother's favorite TV show got overridden by my father's favorite TV show or vice versa. Or they couldn't agree on a movie to go see and movie-seeing was precious and rare because it involved getting a babysitter. These days? Who cares? If she doesn't like the same shows as you, you just DVR your shows and hers and watch them at different times. Given how easy it is to rent anything, it's not like movie-going is something you really have to agree on either. You can each just rent your own favorite movies. There is really no reason for that to even matter.

But the politics and religion? That matters. Unless you can both come to the agreement that you will never try to convert each other in either arena.

Yay! War!! !! !

I tried to explain myself about my political beliefs, hoping that it would help people understand who I am. If I just said "Christian" and "Republican", without explaining why I am that way, people might think that I hate everyone who isn't white, heterosexual, and Christian. That is not the case with me.

You shouldn't have to explain anything. You shouldn't have to tell anyone what party you are affiliated with and who you voted for. I was a Republican but recently went Independent. My parents are liberal. I have liberal friends, it just means we accept each other and don't talk politics or if we do, it's kept as a light discussion not a "I'm right and you're wrong" kind of thing. Just don't discuss your politics or religion. It's that simple.

Stop explaining about yourself and just BE yourself. Relax, don't take life too serious, it won't last that long. Be open to meeting new people, plenty of people without the same religion or politics can co-exist. It's about accepting someone for who they are that matters and enjoying the person, not the labels.

I can see why you'd want to keep some of your views to yourself. They're pretty complicated, and being AS may make them difficult to explain. Perhaps your views should be between you and the ballot. In a professional setting, discussing them is socially discouraged. The fact is, everybody has their unique views and they all seem to want to tell everybody. You're better off not getting caught in the middle of it.

What I do when people get political is ask for an elaboration. Not only are some of them willing to say everything they know, this also gives you a chance to be an active listener. You'd have the added benefit of remaining mysterious, if you keep explaining yourself, people will get bored. Trust me, I've had it both ways, I say as little about myself as possible when I'm out and about.

Pushing yourself through school is quite an ordeal. I think you're doing great. When you're finished, will you have free time to persue your interests? And if so, what kind of interests would you persue?

Tim, you're basically approaching these people like this:

"Hi, I'm Tim, and I'm Christian and Republican... but let me explain that..."

You are letting the labels be the ultimate description of you. It's the first thing that comes out of your mouth, so you give the impression to other people that that's what's most important to you and that they define who you are to a very large extent. That first impression evokes a mental image of the kind of person you are, and if they don't like that image, they run for the hills before you even have a chance to explain yourself any further. I know that you are trying to give explanations to demonstrate how you deviate from the labels, but such explanations are typically viewed as minor compared to whatever you say first (i.e. the label).

What you should try to do instead is put the explanations in the forefront, and only use the labels as simply the effects of who you really are. Compare the previous quote with this one:

"Hi, I'm Tim, and I'm a very faithful, loyal person. I enjoy watching comedies such as the Simpsons and South Park. I believe in God, and in fiscal responsibility."

(I personally wouldn't use the term "fiscal responsibility" as it is commonly used by fiscal conservatives to imply that fiscal liberals are irresponsible, but I don't know what else to use for this example )

Do you think that this second version still accurately describes who you are? I think most people who read the second version would consider it to be much softer, more yielding than hardline, definitive labels such as "Christian" and "Republican", and that's what most people want in a boyfriend/girlfriend: somebody who is more willing to compromise. If people push the political issue further, you could say that you typically have voted Republican in the past, due to your fiscal responsibility position, but you should allow yourself to be open to the possibility that non-Republicans can believe in fiscal responsibility as well. If you allow yourself to recognize that element of flexibility, then I think people would find your stance on issues, and you yourself much more attractive.

I would have never thought to word it like that. Thanks, SP!

Socially liberal = not avoiding certain types of TV shows or movies because of the content, not living in the dark ages, etc.

Sexually uninhibited = not waiting until marriage, not limiting sex to procreational purposes, etc.

Move to a less polarised place.

It is also in how you describe yorself.

Try: moderate christian, liberal minded.

What I meant was how do I attract someone from a somewhat cliquish group if I am outside of that clique?

That was the overall message.

You have to have at least some peripheral contact with that clique. When you say "artsy-hipsterish" that makes me think there must be places where such people congregate. There certaionly are in my town. Art galleries and events. Certain coffeehouses or restaurants. This is assuming you are talking about in physical space, not online. Online? Beats me. Talking about artsy, hipsterish things I suppose.

Next, once you are near the clique, take the advice of other posters and stop labeling yourself. If you are all but announcing "I am a fiscally conservative Republican Christian, but there are other things about me too", all they will hear is whatever their own conceptions of that label are. Which won't be all that positve if they are liberal artsy hipsters. So take off the label. Here's a better approach: don't mention your politics or religion. At least, not until you've gotten to know them pretty well. Then, afterthey have formed a (presumably) favorable opninion of you, then you can talk about it. But only if the subject comes up. This helps them revise whatever prejudices they may have. Tim Tex is a Republican? He's a pretty cool guy. I guess I was wrong about Republicans. But when you go in wearing a label, the label is what people will see uinstead of you as a unique individual.

If the attraction and similarities are not mutual to begin with, why bother