09 Sep 2009, 5:32 pm
09 Sep 2009, 5:39 pm
Fiz
Veteran
Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,821
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom
09 Sep 2009, 5:41 pm
09 Sep 2009, 5:58 pm
!someone actually bothered to read the entire thing through and not just stop reading when they hit the bolded part. thank god above.
No no No dude. You still do not understand.
Two teens can't have a romantic relationship without getting physical at some point. You both want sex. That is an irrefutable fact no matter what you say here, or what she says to you. How long do you think you could keep seeing her before you end up in bed? I give you two months at the most.
And second, even if nothing at all happens between you two, her parents and teachers and everyone else within a 100 miles will assume that it happened. Have you heard those stories of innocent people spending 10 or 20 years in jail before they are finally exonerated? Innocent people get in trouble all the time. Why? Because perception is everything. If people think you did something, you might as well have done it.
And also I agree with what Janissy said. This child will tell all her friends that you two did it. There would be no way for you to prove that you didn't have sex with her. Innocent until proven guilty does not apply to these cases. Everyone will assume you are guilty as hell. And if you ever upset her, break up with her or whatever, she is VERY likely to make up stories just to get back at you.
09 Sep 2009, 6:10 pm
. laws are different here. age of consent is 16 as long as the age gap isn't beyond a certain number of years.
09 Sep 2009, 6:17 pm
A word of caution to you, sean. 14 year olds have no idea of what they want in life. It would be in your best interest to not take her too seriously. There are always exceptions to this, of course, but the vast majority fit the category.
On that note, and considering the legal aspects, it would likely be best to continue being friends for a while as you said.
I've definately been there.. my largest age gap was a little over 3 years.. 18(me) and 15(him) and it only recently ended.. but it was quite the emotional rollercoaster. No one could have ever disuaded me from liking him, though. I personally don't consider age to be any kind of a relevant factor in relationships but I have repeatedly been proven wrong so perhaps you can learn my experience.
and yup, that's the plan. just going to try to be friends until it's legal. which should only be about 2 years.
if she finds a boyfriend in that time. good for her. if i likewise find someone closer to my age during that time. well ok then.
she understands that, so do i. it's been talked over. but if she's still interested and we're both single when the time comes, i'd like to date her.
that's the proposal i'm making. i'm not expecting her to wait on me, nor me her. just keeping an option open for the future basically
09 Sep 2009, 6:21 pm
09 Sep 2009, 6:25 pm
When I was 13, I dated a 20 year old and was flattered by his attention. However, there did come a time when he wanted things to get physical (after I turned 14) and I didn't want to, so it ended. Plus my family found out and hit the roof. They threatened to call the police on him so that was another reason why it ended. It was all very stressful. I look back on it and wonder why he put himself at risk by dating me at all. I realised that it was only a crush towards the end as well. I am also glad that I wasn't ready for sex as I think it was something I would have regretted later on. He never dated a minor again. Just speaking from experience.
I genuinely hope you can either wait a few years or meet someone else around your age who you will like instead. I also know from experience that, when you feel for someone, no matter how old you are, it's not easy to just get over people (if this is what you choose to do). I just hope you don't make a decision that's going to get you into trouble as it won't be worth it for either of you.
thank you for the advice....
and for calling me good-looking
. haha
but yeah, i plan to wait it out. so no worries. thanks also for the concern, but jail-time but jail-time is not on my agenda.
i've gone 19 years without being physical. and i can certainly wait 2 more.
09 Sep 2009, 6:26 pm
I love how everybody in this thread assumes that 14 year olds aren't people. Seriously, piss off. I've known plenty of 14 year old adults and even more 19 year old children. When I was 12 I went on a roleplaying forum and listed my age there as 20. Not because I wanted to make people to think I was more mature than I actually was; that's impossible. You cannot 'fake' maturity. It's defined by how you act. Rather, I simply wanted to be recognized for how mature I actually *was*, because no matter how mature you are people will still never take you seriously if you're young. That's just a bias they have, and sadly, the reverse does not hold true (except in the case of redneck religion-based age/sex/drinking/etc. laws)
Of course, chances are still she probably isn't, but I don't like the attitude that people here have of simply assuming that she doesn't know anything about what she wants, has no real personality, and that she will change completely in a couple of years just because of her age. By the time I was 16 My personality was pretty much complete, and I can proudly say it hasn't changed much at all since. It's only been refined a little by some pretty heavy experiences I've had in the past couple of years, but stuff like that will do a number on somebody of *any* age... It's not the age itself that does it.
Of course, the reverse also holds true... As I said before, I've known plenty of people in their twenties who still haven't grown up and likely never will.
Anyway, assuming that this girl is immature and arguing from that assumption isn't valid. I see absolutely nothing morally wrong with this relationship from the information provided. Those of you who want to 'protect the children' can get right down off of your high horses. Sex at 14 doesn't damage you at all, no more than picking your nose. It's only society's treatment of it that does if you get caught doing it, or, to the more socially vulnerable among us, the notions of wrongness that it has driven into our heads. Plenty of cultures see girls getting married at 14, and those girls are often much more mature and well off than their North American counterparts. If you get pregnant, then yeah your life can get kind of messed up, but that's a whole other story altogether, and a big reason as to why sex at that age is considered bad is tied back into the assumption about maturity... Obviously no 14 year old is going to be able to take steps or think far enough ahead to use contraception reliably. 
Really, sex is not that big a deal; not nearly as much as lots of people make it out to be. It's merely society once again putting it on a pedestal because of traditional and religious influences that have managed to echo into modern ones.
However, to get back on topic, the arguments that society, ignorant as it is, will mess with you at any chance it gets just because it's a douchebag are valid. It's not right, or fair, and if you're willing to take a stand against that and do it on principle, then all the more power to you. But the risks are very real, and from your posts you don't seem desperate enough for them to be worth it to you.
I'd stick with your original solution and try to maintain a very casual relationship until such time as you *are* able to circumvent the ridiculous age laws. The ironic part is that because of the thoughtless impudence with which they were structured it's actually pretty easy to get around them by virtue of the fact that in reality they don't mean squat. Once she turns sixteen, if you're still on the same page, then go to town. I'd advise you to be careful though because, as has been stated, even if you *do* hold off until then, society might still try to insinuate that you were doing stuff before that time.
It's kind of ridiculous that one day, something could be illegal, and then the next day, despite absolutely nothing having changed, it magically becomes legal. Expecting two different outcomes from the same source input is the definition of insanity, but hey, life is nuts. And since, most of the time, that's where life is going to kick you, you might as well take every opportunity you can get to exploit the insanity when it runs in your favor.
09 Sep 2009, 6:28 pm
09 Sep 2009, 6:35 pm
Nobody here is trying to lynch you. Every last poster, every single one, is trying to take the rope away from you before you hang yourself.
09 Sep 2009, 6:47 pm
09 Sep 2009, 6:49 pm
09 Sep 2009, 6:56 pm
09 Sep 2009, 7:07 pm
09 Sep 2009, 7:10 pm
Ugh. Most societies throughout the course of human history have been violent, fickle, ignorant, hateful, base, two-faced, hypocritical... Shall I tell you how I really feel?
My two penn'orth, which is surely irrelevant: I remember a girl in my junior high homeroom who bragged about dating a guy who was 19 (she was 13 at the time). I was jealous, and thought she was a slut. Other girls were envious that she was dating someone so "mature." I don't recall any scandal ensuing; it seems that her parents knew of the situation and didn't care. Was it "the times?" I have no idea.
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