Guys - Why do you want a woman in your life?

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The poll may as well be:

Why do you want a woman in your life?

1) to have a meaningful, fair and equitable relationship full of love and goodness and happiness and joy, oh and world peace and cookies
2) so she can do my bidding
3) so she can do my bidding
4) so she can do my bidding

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Yes.

Hahaha! Yep, that sounds about right. I mean, there isn't even an option for "other." Also, the wording choices themselves are leading.

Bwahahahah. You are right.

And since when is any relationship fully equitable?

They aren't... but you can approximate it by having things tilt one way for a while, and then tilt the other way for a while. At times you give, at others you take, hence "give and take". That's how compromise works. Having things tilt one way all the time isn't healthy for either person in a long-term relationship.

It is very easy for a relationship to become very inequitable. All it requires is for one person to give more than take. If you start it off as inequitable, with the reasoning that "no relationship is going to be equitable anyway, so why bother", it will get even more unbalanced a lot more easily and quickly, compared to if the people actually tried to make things approximately even. In a very inequitable relationship it's not healthy for the one getting taken advantage of, nor will it be all that healthy for the one taking the advantage. A very unbalanced relationship is like a parasite-host kind of relationship: that kind of relationship is obviously not beneficial to the host, but high virulence is not beneficial to the parasite either. If the parasites kill off all the hosts, the parasites themselves will suffer because they're extremely dependent on the hosts for their own survival. High virulence and long-term parasitism do not go together. The less a parasite drains from the host, the longer that parasite-host relationship can last. Accordingly symbiotic, relatively equitable and mutually beneficial relationships are the healthiest for long term relationships on an individual level.

I'm not going to judge, so if guys want to have relationships where they can use the other person, they can... all I ask is that they not complain on WP about why their relationships with other people always fizzle out.

The first option. It would be nice to have someone to feel close to.

that guy said he only wants a woman to be his servant and nothing else.
that's the typical mentality of men thinking that women aren't good for anything else but being servants to men.

if i'm not mistaken, right now 15% of you said that you just wanted to have sex with women. and if you do so, what's next? how do you think she's gonna feel when she finds out you just been using her for just that? have you ever considered STDs, or pregnancy? is sex just a way to get respect?
ever thought about those things?

But that doesn't make such men the majority, which is what you imply.

if i'm not mistaken, right now 15% of you said that you just wanted to have sex with women. and if you do so, what's next? how do you think she's gonna feel when she finds out you just been using her for just that?[/quote]

I always understood that was the point of a 'Friends with Benefits' relationship.

I don't understand. Why would it be considered "using" her? Wouldn't she be "using" me too? I suppose I've been "using" my friends for their company, "using" waitresses for wanting nothing more than for them to bring my food and accept my tips, "using" my parents for support while I was growing up, and "using" my colleagues to co-author papers and write patents.

?

I picked the first option...(Although sex now and then would be nice as well, don't get me wrong )

Still, I just don't want to feel so lonely and worthless anymore, and want a nice girl who has some chemistry with me and is willing to love me and accept me for the quirky Aspie geek I am...

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

Why not? No matter how cold hearted or aloof some people may seem, everyone wants to be loved by someone in their life. I would want a women for love and companionship. To know that I'm not alone and that I have a good reason to want to live my life. Having a girl in my life would also mean I would have a friend too and friends are hard to come by for me.

I want what Mulder and Scully or Elaine and Jerry have, only without being "not quite friends, not quite lovers" and actually being official...I want someone of the opposite sex that turns me on physically but isn't a model that I can have meaningful conversations with and I feel she knows me and I know her. Best friends that sleep together.

Because I don't want a man in my life?

Disagree.

The toss up is between a meaningful relationship w/ a potential lack of sex -OR- a relationship established with a firm foundation of sex.

People who may have been a few relationships have probably encountered one where the sex was lacking. Those people may have also had one where the sex was plentiful. In choosing between the two, they choose the latter.

But nothing stops a relationship based upon physical attraction from becoming meaningful. Many meaningful relationships (e.g. comedians making fun of marriage) become stale sexually.

Last edited by Merle on 16 Sep 2009, 2:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is totally not true for me. Put me in the category of people who is probably too child-like for a relationship, if by "relationship" you mean a serious relationship by adult standards. But I'm in no way anxious to change that, even if it would give me more respect among my peers.

The fact that being childlike tends to go along with virginity, is to me partly a byproduct of a culture that seems to want to drive a wedge between sexuality and anything that isn't adult or mature enough. I understand that adults having sex with actual kids should be avoided, as it leads to problems, but when everyone's an adult then I don't see why a sexual relationship has to be any less (or more) childlike or adult than anything else.