How much distance is too much distance for a relationship?

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yes, but my point is - it would've been much nicer if it was brought up by the female members of the forum and not in form of a mod warning quoting a shady rule. as you said, this is a support (and discussion) forum.



ah right, the token "if you don't like it then get out". I keep wondering, do you and other mods write these yourself or do you have a whole pile of those that you just copy and paste to your posts? anyway, I'm assuming that it's a standard template so I'm not even gonna ask about the "attacking others" part.

Regardless of sexist or no, I find LePetitePrince's comment to be offensive because he implies that attractive people should not "need" online dating. As if people with other alternatives wouldn't be looking online. It also carries the connotation that perhaps he doubts the OP's claim to be "not horrible looking."

Anna - how is maku's comment "Wow, LPP - that was a remarkably sexist comment. " a mod warning quoting a shady rule? And why does it matter whether a female or a male comments on it?


Poor OP. She just wanted some advice about the pros and cons of online dating.

I had a conversation with LPP about this once. I said it would be cool to have a sexlife without the burden of a relationship but finding dates is not as easy as he believes. you know what his advice was? "try becoming a sex worker". did I take offense? no - because that's just LPP. he makes logical conclusions even if they might seem brutal, but it would be even more brutal to expect him to adhere to social rules in a relaxed conversation. this forum is getting unfriendly to people with social difficulties because of the wishy-washiness and expecting people to be super considerate





there you go



I think people appreciate the insider knowledge coming from a particular gender, especially when it comes to Love & Dating. I know I do.





looks like she got what she wanted.

I do not take personal offense at LPP's post, but I can see how it could easily be seen offensive. I've been here long enough to know LPP's views on online relationships and women's ability to get dates.

It appears to me from a completely ouside perspective that some members have become sensitive to other members but to ask either of them to silence themselves would be unfair. I do not believe LPP meant to be offensive and I don't beleive maku meant any kind of shady mod warning but rather that both were making observations from their understanding and perspective of the situation. Which, imo, is exatly what this forum is for and everyone should be able to express themselves. Even mods. If maku finds a post to be offensive, why shouldn't he be able to express that? If he was locking this thread or banning LPP or something of that nature, then he would be out of line but I believe he was just responding as one person to another.

But I could be wrong *shrug* I have nothing personal invested in this, just making observations.

It's good that the OP found this thread to be helpful, I missed that post and was afraid it had derailed beyond repair.

I'm sorry for your assumptions, Anna... they do not reflect the reality on this end. I appreciate your desire that it might have happened differently; in this instance, it did not. My initial comment was simply put; when asked for clarification, I explained that further by referencing the site's rules regarding sexist, racist, and other forms of derogatory comment or inference. Your preference is noted, but my gender is what it is... it is not something that I can change, and I will not allow things to slide on the basis on your discomfort.

It seems that you only read a portion of what was written - I encouraged those who felt there was a problem to work within the system to make changes, to change their own expectations and find acceptance, -or- if those fail their needs completely to find a place where their needs are met. That isn't said with derision or scorn, but it that same blunt manner you seem to appreciate from LPP. WP cannot be all things to all people; for those who desire something different, then the obvious and immediate solution is to seek an environment where their needs are being taken care of.


M.

fine, I'll shut up. apparently, some opinions are better than others in here - I can try to get used to that.

and maku, with that last paragraph again in the same manner you're just repeating the pattern
can you tell me what is the word below:

on second thoughts ...

Last edited by racooneyes on 28 Sep 2009, 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hi! ill reply!

he called it sexist cus LPP assumed all nice looking girls can simply step out of the house, and grab with them the first and best douche, and be happy w their lives.

I wouldn't say that anyone's opinions are better than anyone elses but rather that no one's opinions are above criticism.

I can agree with that, Mitharatowen.



Again, we have to agree to disagree then - I provided several options one might pursue, and I'm not advocating anyone leave... only that if they are so unhappy, that they consider all of their options.


M.

Oh, dear. What did I start here?

The funny thing is that one of the other appeals of online dating has to do with my being busy and that's not a trait that has anything to do with gender, anyhow. (I'm pretty career-minded and work long hours sometimes, so it would be hard for me to spend a lot of time hanging around in bars and other places where people 'traditionally' meet, even if I felt comfortable doing that).

I've seen people of both genders say that was part of why they wanted to try it out. I'm not sure if it's the case, since people often aren't honest in thier profiles, but it seems like pre-screening people could help you avoid spending energy and time trying to build a relationship with someone you're not compatible with in the first place.

Oh, good! You're back, so we can get this conversation back on track!

Getting to know people online has been a part of my life... well, for almost all of it. I first got online in 1983, since I was living in an isolated town in Alaska - dialing into a couple different sites on a 300bps (or in the vernacular of the day, baud) modem. In the late 80s/early 90s, it was my social outlet where I could interact with people without the overwhelming fear and discomfort that I experienced in school or in social settings. My first serious girlfriend was someone I had met online first before meeting as part of a group activity later on. Several later girlfriends came through similar situations; my fiancee and I kept in touch for most of the past decade online, which kept our feelings for each other alive through many changes, ups and down for both of us. Proximity helps; I've made great connections with people thousands of miles away, but those are hard to maintain without some sort of variance in communication... in person, on the phone, social activities: all the things that are so damnably difficult for me. Those relationships that came from initially 'live' introductions were often more difficult at the beginning because I knew little about them (comparatively) vs. those I had built a level of communication with online first. And in some cases, like my fiancee, online communication can be a huge part of a relationship that did begin in person. But overall... it does work - not in all cases or for all people, but it does work.


M.

Here's my take on online relationships.
Meeting people online is as perfectly viable an option as meeting someone at a bar, in a restaurant, in a club, at school, work, etc etc. However, if you met someone at a bar and hit it off, would you then continue that relationship only in that bar? for the next 6 months, 2 years, what ever, only meet that person on a regular basis at that bar to talk and nothing else. Would you consider that a meaningful loving relationship? Absolutely not. It could and would absolutely be a meaningful friendship, nothing more. You would be sorely mistaking a friendship for a romantic relationship. Could that possibly become more than a relationship? absolutely and the basis of meeting online probably makes it easier for those with AS to do so, but you cant make that transition solely based on typing back and forth, even phone conversations.

p.s.
Mak, you're riding in all knighted out in white shinning armor yet you're just knee-jerk reacting to the words "you are female" and completely taking it out of context. You just look like an LPP nut hugger.

Exactly. Well said Mithara.

*shakes head* For the postscript first: If I understood the reference, I'm sure I wouldn't like it. You are welcome to your opinion, Willa, just as I have mine... and perhaps a different context in which it is taken - which does not make the original statement acceptable. As I said before, my initial comment was on what was originally said, and how it came across to others (myself included). If doing what is appropriate for my responsibilities makes me 'knighted out' then I supposed that is something I can live with. *shrug*

As for the first paragraph, I think you put it very well - I like the bar comparison, in particular. Stagnation is the slow death of many relationships.


M.

Very true.