Tell me what sucks about you and I'll work w/ you to fix it

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Yes, my appearance plays a factor, but I know of plenty of people that have appearances comparable to or worse than mine, and have no problems finding someone whatsoever. I have no idea what makes women keep me at arms length and yet still be so friendly at the same time. Even the one woman who was willing to give me a chance pulled out a month into it, demonstrating the same behavior as any other woman I've ever met: eager to be friends with me, but not willing to be any closer... There's just something about me that keeps women outside a certain range, regardless of what I try to do to bring them in closer... And given that the concept of single point of failure, logic would dictate that the problem lies not in the many women that exhibit this behavior, but in me. So, for any particular lack of understanding of why this happens, I can only conclude that I am, in fact, unlovable...

I don't understand the question.

That doesn't mean anything if they look worse than you and can find someone. They might not think they look awful.

Do you?

From what I see, you see yourself as badly flawed and hence other people do too. That is why im asking. Why do you think this? Forget about women and relationships. Just think about you. What don't you like about yourself apart from not being able to get a GF?

All good. What I meant was. Do you feel you have a reason to get out of bed in the morning each day?

I guess in the meantime while waiting for the special someone, I'd like an older friend with benefits...a woman in the 35-45 range that is just looking for male company and would be flattered that a 20something man is genuinely attracted to her and not trying to mimick something he saw in porn. It doesn't bother me at all that I have few friends other than my family, but it does bother me that I don't have some type of female significant other that I'm physically attracted to and can connect with on some level, even if it isn't true love or a long-term girlfriend. I don't think that would be possible to get with a woman my age because 1.)I'm less emotionally and physically attracted to women my age. 2.)Even if they want a friends with benefits, it's usually just the benefits, not the hanging out/cuddling/talking. I'm basically looking in the meantime, before I find "the one" to find a woman that's both a friend and someone I'm intimate with, and it's understood that there's no wedding ring in the future.

As long as you're desperately looking for someone you won't find them.

What you need to do is join up at a dating site and specifically advertise for this. You will be surprised at the response you get.

You don't know that you don't want friends. Your obsession with finidning someone is so overpowering it overpowers any other wants. You may find, if you find more friends, this wont be as bad.

I am on a dating site, and I'm above average looking and still haven't had any luck on there yet. I've had potential dates with 20somethings that looked good but after chatting with them long enough, didn't have anything in common.

And I know from experience that I don't want friends. I don't identify with most people my age and don't like shallow company (meaning just hanging out with someone for the hell of it.) As it is, I'm trying to let go of the friends I have because I'm sick of arguing with them. (I'm very opinionated and don't mind calling a spade a spade and getting someone mad that has an opposing viewpoint. I've all but called one friend my age a tool for buying a house in his hometown and having a boring office job.)

To be honest I can't think of anything else... I'm finishing up an IT degree and entering a promising career, and to be honest I have to admit that I have a half-decent singing voice... So yeah, I'll have a life to live, but no reason to live it if I'm all by myself.

No, I have no idea why women keep their emotional distance from me. But the only consistent factor in every case of a woman keeping her distance is me, so the problem must lie somewhere with me...

Yes or else there goes my whole day. Do I want to spend my free time lying in bed or my whole day off in bed? So I force myself out of bed and I wake up as I move around. Sometimes I rest on the couch and wake up more.

I think it is a combination of fear of rejection as most people in my life, as soon as they got close or I let my gaurd down at all, rejected me. and of just not being comfortable round people and more of a loner/unsocial person, but that too probably stems from people not likeing it when I be myself. I find that if I 'perform' well and try my hardest to be NT like, then people like me but if I let my aspieness show, making poor eyecontact and monologueing and such then it makes people cross. I can keep up quite a good 'show' for short periods like when out for coffee but I cant keep it up for very long and the mask starts to crack and little bits of aspieness tends to creep out.

Even though my boyfriend has aspergers too, he still tends to take it personally if I cant keep up good eye contact or want to do my routines. I find it hard to work compromises and sort things out between us and tend to have the automatic reaction of 'its not working so lets finish', which is not very good as he is very loving and fantastic so its foolish for me to finish with him just because Im being aspieish and cant cope with feelings and such.

i often thehave a strong reaction to people who think others need to be or should be "fixed" and then go off pontificating their ideas about what others should do, stating the obvious, and asking disingenuous questions as though it will make a difference.

OP...do you think you can fix this for me?

What makes you happy in life? Do you have goals and dreams?

You should not. Social skills can be learned. Your problem seems to be neediness, insecurity and probably a lack of playfulness..? It should be fun. Do not focus on the outcome of the interaction. Focus on having a good time with another human being.

Don't think of your sexual needs at first. Make female friends with the intention that you aren't going to try to get her and you will get less insecurity, which in turn may lead to more playfulness. Playfulness is also something to learn. Experiment and tweak your playful teasing abilities. Look for cues of annoyance, but note that if she smiles she has a good time! If she seems annoyed while smiling, this is probably a GOOD thing.

woops

Last edited by FaithHopeCheese on 28 Nov 2009, 10:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

Shnykies, I think I've started doing this.....smiling too much. People used to always tell me "SMILE", so now I just smile a lot. Like at work in the halls you're supposed to say hi to people from the other offices and have casual conversations, but I just can't so I smile so they won't think I'm weird...but it's probably making it worse. lol

First off, your post is incredibly arrogant and essentially a troll. I suggest that you "fix" your need to troll others on a support forum. Second, stating the obvious might not always be obvious to others, if it was, they likely wouldn't be in the position in the first place. Third, it can make differences, even one out of a hundred will make the effort worthwhile to hale_bopp I'd imagine and certainly to the one that was helped. Fourth, your sarcasm is palpable and unwanted.