you guys need to go to parties/bars/clubs

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Toad, as an overthiinker myself, I think you're pre-planning too much about how the interaction with a woman is supposed to go. People just meet, then have a conversation, simple as that. And it's pretty obvious by the end of the conversation if the two people want to talk to one another again. People don't label things "dating" until much further into the process.

Btw, since you say you're not bad looking, have you tried online dating and trying to find a woman with similar values? I'll admit it, I'm a picky bastard when it comes to looks. For some reason, I'm stuck on the pale dark haired thing. Even non pale dark haired women I like look smart and modest. That's why I'm not getting results online.

But what happens if you want to talk to someone but you'll probably never see them again?


Well, I'm not exactly good looking either. I'm 100 lbs or so overweight... but on the other hand I'm not one of those people that goes weeks without a shower, on the contrary the first two things I have to do when I wake up is brush my teeth and a take a shower, or else I start getting headaches for some reason. Yet there are guys I know that are fatter than me and have worse-off personal hygiene than I do, and have no problems finding a loving relationship...

People tell me that I'm not bad looking, but sometimes I wonder if they're just saying something nice, regardless of the truth...

Online dating would never work for me... almost everybody I've met in life was directly introduced to me through someone else (the few exceptions are people I've met in classes and don't really know that well, and walk-ins to my church)... I need that familiarity in order to not shut down completely in front of somebody...

Well you won't want to hear this, but if you're 100 lbs overweight, you might want to lower your standards (if they aren't low to begin with.) When you see an overweight guy with an attractive woman, either he has money, she met him through a social circle and fell for his personality, or he wasn't overweight when they started dating.

If pickiness isn't your problem, and you just want any woman in general that has similar interests...lots of overweight women that don't party and are shy/withdrawn.

So fix it! You can safely lose 2lbs a week. You could be a different person in just one year. Or you could be in exactly the same position in November 2010. It is all up to you. But I vote for a healthy diet and workout.

I don't get this bit. You were deliberately mean for the sake of it?

I've tried multiple times before. The best I was ever able to manage was losing 25 pounds over the course of a month and keeping it off for the following year or so... But, as it stands, food is my only solace in this world, the one thing that still makes me feel good at all, so I have a really hard time giving it up.

It's really not that difficult Toad. I can lose 15 pounds a week rather easily, and have completely by accident before. Course', it all depends on just how absorbing your interests are. If they're strong enough, it's really easy to lose weight. If not, then it becomes a game of willpower. To be quite honest, my interests are probably one of the reasons I'm not 500 pounds... or dead, considering the way I eat. If you're to absorbed with one of your interests at a time, it's very easy to forgo meals, or, if you're like me, simply completely forget about them. And if you're overweight, your body is probably capable of missing of them, at least until you're down to normal.

Oh I'm quite absorbed in my interests, but my body also pretty much forces me to eat: after about 4 hours, the stomach pain starts setting in, although it's bearable if I'm involved in something else. After 6 hours (except when sleeping), that's when things get really bad: I start getting really snobby all of a sudden, and I start feeling the occasional "sparking" feeling in the back of my neck (feeling as though my nervous system is short-circuiting) that occurs every so often and lasts for a few seconds (and when it happens, it also increases the stomach pain tenfold)... the pain is so unbearable that I have to eat at that point, and when I do, I eat real fast because I just want to make the pain go away... but it's not until after I've eaten way too much that the pain actually does recede...

Use filling foods then at least, ones that fill quickly that and long that don't provide much in the way of fat or carbs. Nuts of all kinds (cept macadamia), banana's, rice are good for that. Honey is excellent at giving energy and pretty much nothing else, though it isn't the longest lasting, however that's a good thing in your case. Mostly lettuce salad is great for filling for a short while and being almost pure water, does very little for weight. Drinking non-skim milk can help with nutrition while being somewhat filling in and of itself. Actually, just drinking tons of liquids in and of itself can help you cut back on eating.

On the exercise half, swimming and running are your two best bets, avoid pretty much all anaerobic exercise as it's going to have the opposite effect you want, ie; you're going to gain weight. Muscle, but still weight gain, especially if you take in tons of protein.

I prefer internet porn. I'm only looking for a casual relationship anyway.

I feel like the only way I could ever control this is to take drugs, and yet those have horrible side effects and tend to be addictive...


On that note, I don't mind gaining muscle weight if it means losing fat. The man who is 300 pounds of pure muscle is going to have a lot easier time than the guy who is 300 pounds of pure fat...

Get the book "UltraMetabolism" by Mark Hyman, MD. Read it, follow it - it will work.

Toad, can I ask you an honest question? Do you want to change, or do you just like complaining?

I used to have your outlook on life (Yeah, I know, I'm still not Mr. Positive)...but I mean as far as thinking "Oh no one will love me. I'm ugly. Everything's hopeless." Do you want a new life, or are you just an internet complainer?

Absolutely not. The girl just placed more value in our interaction than I did. I actually felt bad about it and don't plan on stringing someone along like that again. She was a really nice girl, just not my type and I didn't wish to let the interaction unfold.

Did you ever say you would call her? If so, then you mislead her.

I do want to change, but it's also a catch-22 for me. I don't have the motivation to change unless I have someone to change for... What's the point in changing if, in the end, I'm still going to be alone anyway?