Is it normal in an aspie...

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Maybe I phrased it wrong. I am not repulsed by sex or drugs, but I don't like being shunned and taken advantage of. When I was in high school, I was really popular with girls. When I got to college, all of them seemed to find me repulsive. I wasn't up to their maturity level.

Oh ok, because I had the impression that you were suggesting that most girls in their twenties were drug addicts and sluts while girls in their mid teens didn't do those things. But seeing that you said you're in college, I guess there is a so-called "hookup culture." not sure how many college campuses have this culture deeply rooted though but if you google "college hookup culture" you will find articles talking about it.

Wow, I finally met someone else who had this experience. With everyone else I meet, including most aspies. the minute you mention the social world in high school, you get nothing but complaints. Yes, the classes in high school were not as advanced and sometimes a little (or a lot) below my level. Yes, it was a little harder meeting guys who have the same interests I do. But the dating/relationship scene was SO much better. I really regret not taking advantage of it.

ok..i have been reading through this topic and i thought u might want a view from someone who was the younger 1 and who has aspeger.
When i was 13 and i had just founf out about my aspeger i had feelings for a guy who was 18.he liked me. my parents found out an went balisic.

I am not saying it is right or wrong. Just if u like the girl/guy that much then talk to her/him be friends and if you are attractted to them ask them if they have a crush on u. then if they do tell them u like them. Then let them no that you will wait for them. Let that person find out who they are before you go into a relationship with them. Then meet the parents..let the parents no your intentions. If the parent are ok with that then take things slow with the girl/guy.

I hope this helps,,if u need someone to talk to PM me ok...
good luck

Yes, We parents do tend to go ballistic, even when it is not justified.

Yes, that bit is particularly annoying.

Just thinking about the whole age of consent thing. Supposing the chap English_Chick_21 was interested in was 17 and not 18. Would that make it morally ok and therefore less likely for the parents to go ballistic?

Speaking as a parent...no. EnglishChick21 was 13 at the time. Parents have a hard enough time tolerating their 13 year old daughter dating a fellow 13 or 14 year old. And many won't allow dating that young anyway. The parents who would not go ballistic if a 17 year old showed up at the door are few and far between. And I think that's a good thing. I don't care how immature the 18, 17, 16 or even 15 year old feels inside. Some things are just not appropriate with 13 year olds.

Legal issues aside, you're better off dating an immature girl of your age, if that is what attracts you. The cuteness and immaturity you see in young teenagers tends to metamorphosize into maturity in a very natural process. So if that's what you want, going for a young teen is dooming any future together, as she's either going to change in a few years, or you're going to have to stifle her growth, which will lead to all kinds of unpleasantness. So it's actually in your long term interests to find someone your age who is inately what you want.

I remember when I was a teenage girl, and a lass at my school was sexually exploited then dumped by her boyfriend. I was so sad for her (because all the NTs were laughing at her, and callling her names, plus she was heart broken.) And I remember thinking about all the things I would do to make her feel better, and loved, and how I would have treated her if I'd been her boyfriend... with respect, and love etc.

The thing is, there was nothing sexual in my feelings for her, but there was a whole lot of love.

Of course, like the blummin aspie I am, I told someone how I felt, and they all decided I was a lesbiam. But it's possible to love someone, of whatever gender, without it being sexualised.

IF you are entirely sure there is nothing sexual in your feelings, then don't worry. The thing is, she's younger than you, possibly NT, and therefor more likely to have sexual feelings. If so, bear her feelings in mind.

If in five years you're still together, you may have both matured to a point where you can be comfortable together, even if sex does enter into the equation.

My point is simply this... be careful of her feelings as well as yours.

After my school friend's boyfriend dumped her and abused her, she was looking for someone to hate. When she realised that I loved her (though not sexually) guess who ended up as the school victim?

You're right... me!

My advice is, be careful. As a man, you should NEVER be alone with an underage woman. I live in the UK... you'd be amazed the devestating effects that fear of paedophilia has had on every single level of society. You could be the most upstanding man in the world, and still be torn to pieces.

So, be careful. and this is from someone who knows exactly how you feel.

I don't care how socially or emotionally someone feels or what level they are at but when they are with minors, they are opening up a can of worms.

I don't have a problem with that they are doing but I think they are looking for trouble when they do it by making themselves an easy target. If they want to danger their lives, their choice, their life but I don't want to hear them complaining about how people are treating them and stuff because they have caused it themselves.


I think I would do great with teens because that is where I am at. My husband says I act like a teen in some ways just by how I think and act and am adult in other things like computers and I told him "teens like computers too." Sure I do adult things like pay my bills and know how important money is and responsible but I was that way in my teens too except I didn't have bills to pay. As a teen I was mature in some ways and immature when it came to emotions and social skills but when it came to life, I was like an adult in their late twenties. I can remember being told I functioned there when it came to responsibilities. I felt I haven't changed that much since high school but feel I have changed in other ways. My life and how much I have learned since then. But I still wouldn't hang out with teens because of my age. I don't want crap from people. I could probably get away with it because I can pass off as a teen still and I can always lie about my age and parents won't know but they are bound to find out anyway. I would have to keep lying and making excuses for why they can't meet my parents and stuff. I think I'd be horrible at it.

Thanks for your insight. I was concerned that for some parents it was simply an issue of when your birthday was rather than the respective maturity levels of the individuals in question. It's sad, though, that even boys their own age can't be trusted without a certain degree of caution.



Absolutely. It's horrible, actually - by being a male you are almost guilty be default. I understand the problem with the male track record, but it is still very unfortunate that there is such a huge level of distrust in UK society.

On the other hand, LordoftheMonkeys has said that in his State the age of consent is 16, so legally he'd be safe as long as she doesn't cry 'rape'. LordoftheMonkeys: the problem with these relationships is not entirely an issue of whether or not you are having sex. She could emotionally exploit you without intending to, and that would be damaging. My mum read an article written by someone to whom that happened. So as mgran said, be careful.

Other people's perceptions is an issue with age, as well as the risk of being on a registry. I wouldn't date a girl who is too young, because she might be hassled. I might get in a registry, even if I do nothing. I think maturity plays a big role. Of course I would date a girl around my maturity level. Of course, people have different types of maturity in different areas. I may be socially and emotionally immature, but I am wise beyond my years as well as spiritually mature. It's hard to find a spiritually mature teenager.

I actually know exactly what you mean. I'm going to be 22 in about 2 months and am attracted to girls in their late teens. I got talked into joining an online dating site a couple of months ago so I've been on there but mostly have been taking quizzes and talking with a few people just because we share hobbies. But about a week ago I started chatting with this amazing girl. She lied to make the account and is going to be 17 in a month or so so... neither of us have a problem with datin once we get to know eachother more (we've been video chatting so far) and where we live 16 is the age of consent but even then it could be a problem with the appearence in general. I am also looking to have a romantic relationship with her but we made sure that she was legal since if we start dating we'll most likely end up sleeping together. But yeah I think it has to do partially with the maturity of aspies being a little slow.

The problem of her having sexual needs does come into play, I suppose. I'm thinking I could get one of my younger friends (someone who is a minor and already has a girlfriend) to have sex with her every week or so, or maybe she would be willing to just wait until she's legal.

Whoa!! That is a really, really, really, REALLY disturbing idea. You are considering persuading a friend of yours to cheat on his own girlfriend in order to satisfy your would-be-girlfriend's sexual desires, just to get you off the hook?! That's appalling behaviour. Do you have no respect for your friend and his relationship, or indeed your would-be-girlfriend? If I was a girl I'd run a mile. It's people acting like this which has given men such a bad name.

I agree, either wait until she is legal or since a complaining witness or victim is needed to press statutory rape charges just make sure both her parents and your parents are ok with you two having a sexual relationship that way there is no longer a chance a parent would catch you two and decide to file charges.