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aislinn
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16 Jan 2010, 11:50 pm

therange wrote:
The fact is, you're a sub-par looking guy who admittedly doesn't have much going for him. What makes you a catch to this hypothetical Aspie woman that loves sex and South Park, even if she existed?

If it seems like I get mad when these "I can't get the girl of my dreams" threads are made, it's because I personally had to do a lot of work to improve myself enough to get in the dating scene. And I still have drawbacks that would turn off some women, but I've made myself as good looking and interesting as I possibly could. As a result, ironically, I'm less needy and the idea of meeting "the one" is just something I think about like anything else instead of the number one focus.

Guys like you and Toad, even if you met your dream women and they accepted your looks and lifestyle, you'd turn them off with your neediness and fastidiousness.
if they make you so mad, why don't you stay away then? from them...It'll keep you from insulting people on their physical appearance. that's all people are seeing these days..I dont mean dating wise. I mean, for example, if some new person were to come to school and they look a bit plain or if they're fat that's all people will be talking about, as if they're appearance to you is so revelant. it's not the new kid is bothering the person. they may even start cracking jokes on them...(something that happened to some guy at school). Or if somebody walks into a room and they're not the best looking they'll start talking about that. I don't think you really needed to make these comments because somebody doesn't think like you or you think they're needy and it annoys you. That's like me coming up to somebody who..idk.. texted their boyfriend a lot and I don't approve of people's clingy behavior, and I say I don't like that, blah blah....I mean, what is the person doing to me? Im sure you didnt have to make a post about how somebody's thread annoys you, et cetera. It's not like it was made to give advice to the guy about his problem.



therange
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17 Jan 2010, 12:03 am

I think people coddle whiners too much on here...and don't tell them what they really think. I never said the OP was ugly or disgusting...I just said that for someone with impossible standards to begin with, he doesn't seem to have much to offer a prospective woman.

No one on this planet "deserves" anything. If you want something, you have to take the proper steps to get it. And making "I can't find a girl who loves South Park and doesn't care about my appearance" posts isn't going to help. Having realistic standards, self-improvement on the inside and outside, and becoming more of a catch, and also less dependent on a lover's approval, is what's going to get him where he needs to be. Or he can just keep watching South Park and think that's the reason he doesn't get women. Up to him.



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17 Jan 2010, 6:31 am

Even then, I am not the type of person that people seek out. I am the type of person that people settle for when they can't find anyone else.


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17 Jan 2010, 6:36 am

As long as you have impossible standards, you don't have to risk rejection. I have my own issues with this, so I'm not condemning you, the only difference is I know what's really going on with me. I don't know how to change it either.


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17 Jan 2010, 6:44 am

There used to be about 20-30 people who met the criteria, but they all left the forums. Even the liberal, non-Christians who liked the Simpsons and South Park had left.

And just finding another Aspie, without the other criteria, is impossible.


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KnightGhost
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17 Jan 2010, 9:02 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
There used to be about 20-30 people who met the criteria, but they all left the forums. Even the liberal, non-Christians who liked the Simpsons and South Park had left.

And just finding another Aspie, without the other criteria, is impossible.

Then you're stuck with NTs. How much have you studied them and their communication methods?



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17 Jan 2010, 9:09 am

KnightGhost wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
There used to be about 20-30 people who met the criteria, but they all left the forums. Even the liberal, non-Christians who liked the Simpsons and South Park had left.

And just finding another Aspie, without the other criteria, is impossible.

Then you're stuck with NTs. How much have you studied them and their communication methods?


I haven't really done any of that.


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17 Jan 2010, 9:23 am

Maybe if I were an atheist or practiced paganism, people would like me better.


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ruennsheng
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17 Jan 2010, 9:27 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
Maybe if I were an atheist or practiced paganism, people would like me better.


No... Just be yourself ok, you're unique in your own way Tim. At least if I were a girl, I love Simpsons and South Park and I am willing to love everything that you are!

But I am a male. :(


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17 Jan 2010, 10:15 am

ruennsheng wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
Maybe if I were an atheist or practiced paganism, people would like me better.


No... Just be yourself ok, you're unique in your own way Tim. At least if I were a girl, I love Simpsons and South Park and I am willing to love everything that you are!

But I am a male. :(


Christianity is synonymous with bigotry and intolerance, and nobody wants to date a bigot.


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17 Jan 2010, 10:20 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
ruennsheng wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
Maybe if I were an atheist or practiced paganism, people would like me better.


No... Just be yourself ok, you're unique in your own way Tim. At least if I were a girl, I love Simpsons and South Park and I am willing to love everything that you are!

But I am a male. :(


Christianity is synonymous with bigotry and intolerance, and nobody wants to date a bigot.


Neither do I do. But I know of tolerant Christians in my native country. :) And they are the rule rather than the exception...


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17 Jan 2010, 10:23 am

Janissy wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I have tried improving myself as well, but it's still not good enough. It's like these people have their own idea of a dream guy, and I am not it.


The biggest bit of self-improvement you could do is dropping the infamous List. As long as The List exists, you are unlikely to be any woman's dream guy because quite honestly very few women long for the day when they will finally meet a man who loves that they fulfill a certain very rigid list of criteria. Just like men, women want to be loved for themselves, not for the criteria they meet. Drop The List and you will instantly become more desirable.


Perhaps its an aspie thing, I have criteria lists too. Personally I would be very pleased if I met someones criteria as it would make me feel secure that I had qualities that other women did not and it would be much nicer than them just fancying me.

I dont see the problem with having criteria that needs to be fullfilled it just means that we know ourselves and what we can tollerate and what we cant. My criterior has been created from me examining things which have gone wrong between me and ex's and what drove us apart and what did not work, I think dropping them would be a major mistake as then I would have nothing in common with the person and things I found intollerable about them.



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17 Jan 2010, 10:29 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
ruennsheng wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
Maybe if I were an atheist or practiced paganism, people would like me better.


No... Just be yourself ok, you're unique in your own way Tim. At least if I were a girl, I love Simpsons and South Park and I am willing to love everything that you are!

But I am a male. :(


Christianity is synonymous with bigotry and intolerance, and nobody wants to date a bigot.


My ex boyfriend was a christian who attended church every week and I am a very very strong athiest yet it was not a problem as we were tollerant of each others beliefs (I may have been a tiny bit patronising :roll: ) but he was a liberal christian who was anti homophobic and liked sex, it would not have been tollerable if he hated gays and beleived in sex only in marriage or was a creationist.



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17 Jan 2010, 10:36 am

lotusblossom wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
ruennsheng wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
Maybe if I were an atheist or practiced paganism, people would like me better.


No... Just be yourself ok, you're unique in your own way Tim. At least if I were a girl, I love Simpsons and South Park and I am willing to love everything that you are!

But I am a male. :(


Christianity is synonymous with bigotry and intolerance, and nobody wants to date a bigot.


My ex boyfriend was a christian who attended church every week and I am a very very strong athiest yet it was not a problem as we were tollerant of each others beliefs (I may have been a tiny bit patronising :roll: ) but he was a liberal christian who was anti homophobic and liked sex, it would not have been tollerable if he hated gays and beleived in sex only in marriage or was a creationist.


See, my experiences are not alone... Have confidence in yourself.

You can find a dream lady soon... to be together forever!


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17 Jan 2010, 11:31 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
KnightGhost wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
There used to be about 20-30 people who met the criteria, but they all left the forums. Even the liberal, non-Christians who liked the Simpsons and South Park had left.

And just finding another Aspie, without the other criteria, is impossible.

Then you're stuck with NTs. How much have you studied them and their communication methods?


I haven't really done any of that.

That is your #1 problem right there. You expect people to conform to YOUR way of thinking and communicating. The problem is you have made absolutely NO effort to learn their language and way of thinking. Without doing that you will NEVER find anyone if you don't learn how to meet someone in the middle.

Everything else you are saying is a load of crap. I am dating a liberal, devoutly Jewish NT woman. I am an Aspie, raised Catholic but don't practice it because of my agnostic leanings and am rather conservative. How is this possible? Because we can meet each other halfway. Is it always easy and without difficulties? HELL NO! It is the differences and learning how to enjoy them is what it's all about Tim. The point of the journey is not to arrive but the journey itself.


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17 Jan 2010, 12:20 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Maybe if I were an atheist or practiced paganism, people would like me better.


I doubt that. I'm agnostic, and I'm a left coast, politically idealistic liberal girl from a solidly lower working class background. Mr. Rath is a politically libertarian or conservative guy from the Midwest from an upper class background, who grew up in church.... and an aspie. What we have in common is IQ, and values. Despite political leanings, we have many of the same core values.

You cannot take a systems approach to categorizing human beings. Also - you cannot sit on forums and make lists, and plan that way. You have to get out and meet women and improve your social skills with them.

And apropos of another comment here - - not every girl wants the dude at the front of the class. Some of us really love smart, quirky guys who sit on the sidelines. Don't paint everyone with the same brush whether female, liberal, atheist, etc.