I'm Dumb. Is she just being nice?

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How is that working out for you? Here in the US, gross sexual imposition tends to be shunned by most females, not to mention ending up with a really sore face to boot

I didn't mean to imply the OP is doing anything wrong. I agree with Hale_bopp in that some people are that flirty... I just tend not to be attracted to that type of person, nor would I want my SO to make a special case and act like that towards someone.

Maybe I have over-interpreted the girl's situation, but it sounded like she had/has some sort of boyfriend... Which for me, is a clincher. I just brought up marriage cause a previous poster brought it up in her story... But it's only a difference in degree (not kind) for my distaste to being used as a litmus test... Which is why the poster in the marriage, who acted all flirty with the random dude felt bad...

But maybe this girl's guy knows she's flirty with everyone or just the OP even.

I just hope no one gets hurt. I would probably hang back a bit until she figures things out. Then it's good to go.

@Sedaka - I see where you're coming from.

I think we've perverted the idea of commitment in our society til we don't know what it's supposed to be or look like any more. To me, commitment is engagement or marriage. Living together doesn't imply commitment to me (in fact, it implies just the opposite - a lack of commitment). At the very least, exclusivity implies committing to date each other only - at least while you're dating each other. So I agree that if a couple is dating exclusively, the relationship should be broken off before another relationship is begun.

I don't know if this girl and her bf have agreed to date exclusively or not (something for the OP to determine). I don't think her behavior to this point is objectionable. Their whole relationship has taken place in front of a restaurant full of people and her co-workers (some of whom must know her bf), and she hasn't kissed the OP or behaved in an overtly sexual way (flirtatious yes....but if we could all connect the dots between flirtation and intention, all of this dating stuff would be a lot easier.) I hope no one gets hurt, too....but I think the OP owes it to himself to ask the question.

yes but flirtatious doesn't have to be sexual to be unacceptable.

like a woman sticking her foot into a guys face in a swimming pool is flirtatious and not appropriate when she has a boyfriend. Maybe some people think i'm unreasonable, maybe I just care about people too much, but in my opinion, flirting, especially serial flirting is not acceptable when you're with someone... it hurts them.

If its behind their back.. well it doesn't hurt them but it really tells you what type of woman the person is.

@hale_bopp....I don't know....she just kinda seems unhappy to me. Maybe I just want it to work out for them - it has to work out for somebody, right?

It's amazing how much less offensive DavidM gets if you just imagine everything he says being said by the surprised cat in his avatar...

I had in mind a particular girl I knew in the past very well, who wanted me to kiss her anyway.

Indeed it was probably the sensual touching that I did while we were kissing that enabled me to have such a raging presence in my underpants.

I am very touch-oriented.

But don't worry - I would never touch any of you.

@ASMJT,

I agree. There have been very few I have been involved with that were the outright kind of flirty types... but it was BECAUSE they were very honest. I just generally find that not to be the case and just tend not to seek them out. But it's not like it's* a terrible thing. And you can't really help who you fall for.

Best of luck!

edit:*it has to be

@HopeGrows

INTENTIONS is exactly it.. Too bad it's one of many things people rarely specifically say. Stresses me out--possibly for obvious reasons

edit: I find this to be true because most people (guys in my case)... don't seem to know what they want... And I tend to have the loyalty of a barnacle.

@Sedaka - Yeah, I'm kind of a recovering barnacle myself.

I think you and hale_bopp have a sound message, which I'm interpreting as "treat other people the way you'd want to be treated," as in, end the relationship you're in before going on to the next one, etc. I can't argue with that - everybody deserves respect.

And yes, the whole flirting vs. "flirting-with-intent" issue always screws me up. People flirt for all kinds of reasons, and the problem is it's impossible to know if two people are on the same page - unless someone says or does something definitive.

Well, things just keep gradually chugging along !

Last Friday we show up, only to discover she got off at 11. One of the servers informs us she mentioned coming back up to see us. Sure enough, at about 1:30, she shows up all cleaned-up and in "street" clothes. She tells us she planned on going out with her friends since she was finally available on a Friday night, but they were out of town. So of course I make a snide remark about us being her "fallback" friends, and smartass comments ensue She was much more fun being there off the clock; had a drink, was much more personable than usual. So we get kicked out at closing, and this time she walks out with us to the parking lot. Again, she's only interested in hanging with me, asking about my "new" car(I totaled my car a month ago, lol). One of the guys left, and the other hung around till we left at the same time. She mentions she will not be closing again next Friday, but we never know and MIGHT see her anyways(lol, yeah right at this point I'm convinced she will show up, thinking she'll probably be with her friends in tow). So at this point, I still haven't had the opportunity to be alone with her.

Well, last night got real interesting! I had forgotten Friday was Good Friday, and our work observes this as the Easter holiday, and I didn't have to work. Well, this meant no Friday meeting, obviously, and they close early on Thursday. So me being a night owl, was up late, and at about 1:20 in the morning I get a text message from an unknown local number, reading "Are you guys ditching me? " Interesting! The conversation continues as:

ME: "Lol, we forgot we don't work today silly, want some company? I'm not doing anything."

HER: "If you want. I'm just sitting here eating."

ME: "I'll be there in 20 minutes. I live at the south end of ***."

HER: "By the time you get here, there will be only 30 minutes till closing, are you sure?"

ME: "Whatever, it's beautiful outside(Which it was, it is ABNORMALLY warm here this weekend). If you are up to it, we can hang at Dennys or something."

HER: "That's cool.

So I head on down there to meet her, and find out she got off at 12, and hung around to wait for us! We just hung out and talked for a while, WAY past closing until almost 3:30. We actually walked outside with the last 4 people with all the lights out. We walked near my car while everyone said goodbye, and told her not to walk to her car alone, lol(No lights in the parking lot, surrounded by trees). It seemed like she was patiently waiting for everyone to leave. So I walk her to her car, and we are all alone for once(well, the moon was our guest anyhow, lol). We end up having an excellent conversation, and get into pretty personal topics about ourselves, all while sitting on her car since it was so nice outside. I had a REALLY good time with her. We ended up leaving a little after 5 in the morning She had to get up early to take care of her grandmother, and eventually go to work to train someone(her elderly grandmother lives with her so she can take care of her). I apologize for keeping her up, she gracefully lets me know she'll let it slide this time , and we bid adieu.

At this point, I really don't care what is to come of this. I really enjoy just being good friends with her. We like each other for who we are, and are very bluntly honest about things, even if we don't agree. If something more blossoms more from this, so be it. I'm happy to have found someone who I can talk to about obscure, taboo things without being ridiculed. So at this point, I guess if I have any other updates, it will be a little more personal