09 Feb 2010, 8:24 am
pat2rome wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
pat2rome wrote:
Yes. Believe it or not, it's by choice. I had the opportunity to lose it over the summer and decided not to. What does this have to do with anything? If I was bitter because I was a virgin I would be claiming that I can't get laid because nobody goes for nice guys.
No, you misunderstand me. Its not because you've been whining about not being able to get laid, its your attitude towards women in general, which could either mean one of the following:
A) you can't get laid
or
B) You have not been laid due to your attitude towards women. It almost comes across as a superiority complex, meaning obviously, you're a virgin because no-one seems good enough.
The latter is why I expressed that opinion. Its not a critisism of your personality, I don't know you IRL. Its just how i see you as a person from your post.
pat2rome wrote:
I am not deluded in the slightest. In fact, over the course of a year I spent countless nights staying up late (to hours like these) consoling and advising one of my friends who was heavily infatuated with someone who verbally and emotionally abused her. She is an average looking, low-confidence girl. She, however, knew that he was manipulating her and fought her hardest to break free of him. She had the strength, self-respect, and support necessary to do so, and she now knows that she is a wonderful person and expects to be treated well (and if she ever forgets, I am quick to remind her). I have all the respect in the world for her, but I have no respect for people who have the kind of support she did and still run back to the same type of men.
Fair enough. Might be easier if you've been in their shoes though, you sound like my flatmate. Some people don't have the emotional strength not to go back to them.
Going back to someone you know treats you like sh*t gets complicated when factors like love, longing to be loved, wishful thinking etc are involved.
You can't just stop loving someone because you know they're damaging you. You can't just stop seeing someone because they make you cry every night if you think you love them. Just like you can't stop taking drugs when you're addicted, even though you know they are damaging you, unless you're a very very strong willed person.
Its very black and white, and reeks of someone who has not been there themselves, with little compassion for others who may find struggles like that a lot harder.
If love could be turned on and off like a light switch then there wouldn't be as many depressed and heartbroken people in this world.
It's not my attitude towards all women by any means. I don't exhibit any kind of superiority complex in the sense that I "look down" on people. I guess you could say I do view myself as too good for some people, but let me explain exactly how.
For the four years of high school, I had a crush on one girl. She was the kind of girl who ALWAYS had to have a boyfriend, and they were all pretty questionable choices (she wasn't abused or anything, there was just a lot of drama in her relationships and a lot of on-off breakups). I wasted four years of my life waiting for her to realize that I would never cause any of that type of drama and that she would have a great relationship with me, someone who actually really cared for her. I never want to go through that again, so I hold myself to a higher standard than I used to. There are PLENTY of people that have seemed good enough; unfortunately they have boyfriends now. I also trust my sister's judgment a lot more than I used to; I let myself get blind to everything but what I wanted to see in her, while my sister stayed objective (and accurate).
That only applies to relationships, though. I will be nice to and be friends with anyone and everyone who is nice to me (which is all but a few people). The reason I didn't get laid is because that girl does drugs, and I don't want to get involved with those.
I am well aware that love can't just be turned on and off, both from what I just told you (although I hesitate to call that love), and my experience with my friend. It took her an entire year of me and her other friends telling her that she was strong and that she was too good to waste her time on the deadbeat and that she could cut him out of her life. I admire her for her amazing strength, her perseverance, and her complete honesty. She knew she couldn't go it alone, and she reached out for help even when it meant admitting something like how she was cutting or how she was purging.
In my original post, I was in no way referring to victims of abuse of any type. That goes into aspects of psychological addiction, and those people are as much to blame for not being able to cut themselves loose as I am for not being able to stop breathing.
Watching the girl I was infatuated with keep going back to petty, unintelligent, uncaring guys and seeing statuses on her Facebook like "wondering why I can't find the right guy" every time she broke up with her latest boyfriend over something stupid, all while I was right there, made me lose all respect for people like her. It took me four years to realize it, but now I know.
I am sorry you had that experience, but you really cannot accurately generalize in that way. I don't even generalize from my experiences and I've probably had sex a couple thousand times over the past 35 years, with a bunch of different people ( the thrill of being w/different people part of it faded quickly but it still happened) - the great majority of the sex occurred within my romantic relationships, such as they were.
Gosh. All I meant to say was it's not really accurate to generalize. Then I tallied up the approximate number of encounters in my head & came up with the approximate # of 2520 times, which is basically an educated guess (estimated frequency, a bit understated to protect myself from overstating, and multiplied by number of weeks, for a few different periods of time then add them up). Thought I'd share it though, 'cause I impressed myself.
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