Correlation? Misogyny/Misandry & Relationships

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I think mine would be both A and B.

I don't think I really fit into the definition of feminine or the kind of women most men find appealing and attractive. I've always felt like an outsider of both my gender and personality.

Also both my brief and few relationships were abusive. Part of it I think was my naivety and then of course finding self worth in a guy that shows the least attention.

Tech, I'm kinda surprised by your response....you seem a bit of a fatalist.

I agree there's all kinds of reasons people aren't successful in relationships - I guess the way one responds to the lack of success encountered has a significant effect on the possibility of success in the future.

I think for the most part the dating world and inclusion/exile from it has a very interesting natural/instinctive check built in; it that filters out your achievements and successes for the most part, what you've decided to do with yourself, and focuses ultimately on what it is that you are genetically, from birth, without having to 'try'. That's a reality that pounds on psychological/neurological minorities of both AS and NT alike, that same sensor treats 'difference' as a threat to going existence and one that gets transferred to a partner once two people are societally associated as a unit. That doesn't necessarily sink a person in all certainty, just that is a stigma and it causes people to be treated in a very particular manner, according to their degree or type of deviation, by the world around them.

Then again that could be a little heavy-handed, the more general truth is that like prefers like. Just that this seems to be the self-forming logic that comes about as a result.

There is a heavy genetic component to attraction (enough studies and anecdotal observations in our own lives have confirmed this), but I would suggest that your achievements and successes, as expressed in the form of personal wealth or reputation, do have a pretty strong mitigating effect on who might choose you. Women after the age of 25 (my benchmark, nothing official here) seem to adopt a much more security-centric strategy than younger women, who "mate" (which is what it would have been pre-civilization) with great physical specimens of our species, but who don't always pick the best providers (which is why so few teen moms stay with the fathers of their children).

I think the "personal success" factor is what holds back so many of the lonely here. For reasons I can understand but can't totally relate to (I'm only slightly Aspie), a lot of folks here have a hard time fitting in or adjusting to a work environment (too much stimulation, too much noise, social pressures, etc.) This is crushing financially (because a bunch of us end up underperforming relative to society) but it also leaves many here without the necessary prerequisites for a full, mature relationship as an adult. The fact is that a lot of men and women get together with plans for a long-term relationship, marriage, kids, the whole shebang. If you don't have a car or a job, you are at a serious disadvantage to your competition.

Perhaps it's because I grew up with two older sisters - I feel comfortable next to girls. As alone as I may be, some of my best friends are girls, I go out with them, and sometimes other friends join, and we just sit drinking a beer, and I feel free to talk with them about girls that I do like.

I always hated men, if anything, or machoism, to be correct. A lot of times I prefer the company of women, but sometimes the opposite. Anyhow, it's no difference to me, all in all.

It's not that I can't approach women, it's that I'm either afraid or that I don't want to. My heart can race seeing someone I like, but I can speak with a good female friend for hours, and about the same stuff I talk with male friends.

What about people who want a guy who never needs emotional support, expect no burdens or inconveniences, and will accuse people of manipulating them if they disagree with them?

That's the fun part - I have a) a job b) a car, c) can easily work 40 hours a week without a problem d) have a degree and great employment history and e) have a lot going for me outside of that when it comes to interests, activities, etc. and I can still see where that's not the whole deal. A lot of the NT's I can think of who are unsuccessful and seem, to the best of what I can tell, to have themselves together but can't find someone together (people who are 5 - 8 out of 10 in the looks range, both men and women); it happens often that they're independent people - want a relationship - but for whatever reason what they need in a relationship partner, someone who can add to them and grow with them and aid them in being their best self - simply doesn't seem to exist in their lives for long stretches of time and sometimes never does.

That may also point out that a lot of unhappy relationships out there are people who are just simply afraid to be alone and know they would be otherwise? In that sense it could just be that relationships in general are f'd up for 60-70% of the people, that you have to be willing to amputate and arbitrary jettison huge swaths of yourself (ie. what doesn't conform - arbitrary because whether that's a good or bad thing by the trait doesn't seem to matter), and perhaps the perpetual singles are - like many I know - simply can't fathom a happier life halfway under another person's fun because, quite often, they're the same people who have the partner placing more of an onus on them to put their personality, sense of self, and general desire for internal growth under the knife for lobotomy. Then again that's a passing impression of how big ' perfect conformity' is relationship potential as well - I've had many times where I realized it was insufficient to really explain the whole story, what I'm further hoping is that its whole illusion - otherwise it would be quite a sad commentary in regard to human potential.