Bars/clubs not for aspies.

Post Reply New Topic

Night clubs are my idea of hell.

i would never go in to an night club it a <b> no go zone. </b>

Same here, I hate it. The sensory overload is horrible, it can almost be like prolonged torture unless I get myself drunk enough not to notice (it hardly needs saying that being drunk, young, and female, in a club is not a good idea). Occasionally I will still go, but only for the sake of a close friend these days.

House parties, however, I am completely fine with. Not sure why... I think it's because they lack the overwhelmingly loud music and flashing lights, plus there's plenty of quiet places to sit down or retreat to.

After going to several bars and clubs over a two week period during my vacation, I can safely say that it's not my scene at all. The bar at the jazz lounge in the hotel was nice though. Good music and a more mature crowd. The other places are just filled with early 20somethings making idiots of themselves. I don't even have the sensory overload problem, but I hate the bad music and the kind of people that are there. The whole "bars and clubs are filled with attractive women" thing is a myth too. You get women that are like a 5 on the 10 scale acting like they sh*t ice cream.

I can't stand bars or clubs. I get really nervous and anxious in a noisy, low-lit crowd environment. Nor do I drink, smoke, or do drugs, so aside from just standing around looking awkward, there isn't a lot for me to do there. So I avoid them like the plague. Bars bring out my worst AS tendencies.

How do you meet women then, you ask? Well, I don't know. I've never had a girlfriend. I've never gone beyond hugging someone I care about. I do like someone at my work very much indeed. And she seems to like me as well, but I'm not sure to what extent. Whether as a friend or something more. We had an after work drinks thing last week, and they took us to some bar. I was so nervous and shy in that environment, and I only wanted to talk to her, really, not knowing anyone else there very well. She gave me her email address, so I've some means of staying in contact. At least.

I think it depends on the bar, to be honest.

When I lived in a different town I used to be a regular at a particular bar that was great for me. I'd go on off nights so it was usually fairly empty so I could just sit at the bar and watch TV while throwing back some drinks. I could talk to the bartenders but they weren't demanding to talk to. And pretty much every time a pretty girl came in to that bar she would gravitate towards my seat at the bar and approach me. This happened enough so that the bartender thought I was a total pimp even though I wasn't able to capitalize on it. Occasionally I could get free drinks, too.

I've never been able to find another bar like that, since.

what about Gloryholes?

I don't like them, but I do like to shoot pool and to do the occasional karaoke at the small hole-in-the-wall type bars. I learned to shoot pool kinda young, but my dad enlisted me into a couple of pool teams before leaving home. In this sense, I got used to various bars, but would not talk to the other team members until after the game. The beauty of pool is that you can choose how interactive you are with the person you're shooting with and work on a game about angles that can be as challenging as chess.

Clubs and ones where it's a partying atmosphere, not so much. It's too loud and I find myself hanging with only those I know while secretly wishing to be at one of the small bars playing pool instead of listening to dance music and trying to fit in.

One of the great things about being a Seventh Day Aspie (more on that later... ;D) AND Black is that I HAVE a lot of girls at my church my age to date. 18 - 32 is well covered for me. The issue? They're all Black women and I'm mad scared about being the whitest Black man in Atlanta AND an aspie to boot!

But back on topic, I can deal with clubs if they play the music I'm into (hard techno/rave/dubstep) or a good concert but bars bore me because all you can do there most times is drink and talk. I don't drink and talking is hard for me as an Aspie so there goes the issue.

Raves, however, work for me because under the influence girls might talk to you for hours. It HAS happened to me and GOOD things have happened.

I get overwhelmed and get anxiety attacks in bars. I dislike them intensely. Too loud, too dim, too smoke-filled. I get uncomfortable, and am not good at talking to random people anyway, and don't drink or smoke, so its a waste of time.

I don't mind bars so much as long as they're not jam packed. There is a nice pub near where I live that I like to go to - the people that work there are nice, and it's quiet on weeknights. It's nice to go to a quiet pub where the people who work there are friendly and they know you, you feel welcome then. On weekends they have cover bands play, so sometimes I drop in but it can get too crowded. On those nights I often get irritated by being surrounded by NTs and observing them interact with each other. Then I'll watch in bewilderment as they dance - I don't really get dancing, it doesn't make any sense to me. I wonder what's going through their minds, how they decide how to move. Once in high school I was playing in a jazz band that entertained at one of our school dances so I had to go...when we weren't playing I stood by the dance floor and someone pulled me on... I just stood there wondering which leg I'm supposed to move first and where to put it...then am I supposed to do something with my arms at the same time? Then what do I do next? etc. What an awful experience... anyways. The other thing about bars is that they often hire attractive women who will be nice to you in order to improve their odds at a good tip. This is often the only time attractive women are nice to me so I often get crushes on them but they always have boyfriends and aren't all that interested in patrons I think anyways. So I often feel a bit disappointed.

I've never really found bars good for meeting random people, especially women who may be guarded. Parties and large social gatherings are much better. Clubs may be good if you know what you're doing, but I'm no expert, and I also really don't fit in (I don't dress nice enough, have some trouble with non-verbal communication and hearing people in such an environment, and worst of all I don't drink) so it's just something I don't think would be right for me.

bars/clubs are where the simple apes and monkeys go to dance to lame music and meet for reproduction.

Suprisingly, for someone like me. I love Pubs, and Clubs. I like to meet new people, and when you've drunk enough, you can tolerate the s**t music. Haven't met anyone beyond friendship, just yet. I'm still trying, seeing how my 1st year at Uni is approaching soon.

I really enjoy pubs and especially nightclubs... Random people, anonymous, you can go there alone and don't have to talk to people if you don't want to because of the loud music , (but generally people do talk to me) and every one is drunk and happy. I can't dance and never do, but I do enjoy an alcoholic beverage or 5
I enjoy the anonymity of clubbing - the fact you can socialise but don't have to worry about maintaining relationships and friendships if you don't want to, and if you embarrass yourself it doesn't matter because nobody knows you anyway! I love clubbing! I love London for that reason too. Social - but in a non threatening way- for me, at least.

Couldn't have said it better. It's just not my thing at all. I don't dance to stupid music, I don't drink, I wouldn't be seen dead in one of these places.

I'm starting to think I'm an aberration, even amongst AS sufferers. A lot of the posts here say they enjoy pubs/clubs. It's my idea of purgatory.