so how do you ask a girl out???
seaweasel wrote:
umm she said hi to me a couple times today, but failed again to ask her to do something together. The thing is i dont know what to say, any ideaS?
I gave you a pretty much sure-fire template for making a plan that would end well for you at the top of page 2. Arrange a fun activity in advance that does not require her presence. Invite her; she brings friends if she might be uncomfortable, you bring friends if you feel like it. Something relaxed and easygoing. Commence conversation. Get to know her. Flirt.
It works wonders.
You don't need to be conversant with her beforehand. Nor do you need to know wether shes interested in you(it's not a date). Just lay it out straight - you don't know her, but she seems cool, so you invite her to come with and have a fun time. If she turns you down, no big deal. Try again another week.
But this current thing you've got going - biding your time, waiting for the right moment, waiting for the right conversation topic - is a great way to shoot yourself down before you're off the runway.
seaweasel
Toucan
Joined: 28 Jan 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 266
Location: In one of the New England States
seaweasel wrote:
This might sound stupid but how exactly do you flirt?
Not a stupid question... It's a good question. And a really, really, really difficult one to answer in any meaningful way. Not sure I can really give a good explanation.
Particularly for us with AS, as it's highly dependent on what is usually our weak points.
But it is do-able, and we can become competent - even good - at it. It just takes a bit of legwork.
It's hard to give specifics, but I can speak of the broad themes that are involved. It's a combination of a number of elements.
A) It involves body-language interplay, things like your relative facing, specific flavors of eye contact, little physical actions..... Ways to communicate without speaking. It works to give a depth and added dimension to the things you speak about. You can talk about something innocuous, but give it a frisky lil charge with the right body-language. As a stupid analogy, if written language is 2D, then in-person conversation(featuring body language) is 3D.
B) It involves conversation. Usually the goal is for her to be very interested in you, and what you say. So to meet that goal, you talk about things in a manner that's evocative, exciting, funny, engaging. But it's not the topic that matters, it's the delivery. Heck, you could conceivably talk about the practicalities of building a PC, if you manage to do it in a way that's fun to hear/participate in, funny, etc. Therefore, the focus is on how you converse, not necessarily what you talk about.
C) It involves displaying who you are, through your words and actions. Naturally, as a prerequisite you need to be someone who is evocative, interesting, desirable, and a suitable guy to hook up with. Now, I think pretty much everyone fits that criteria in various ways, but at the same time it's possible to make yourself seem like you're not. So you make sure your actions and words reflect how you are suitable and evocative, and do not serve to disqualify you. What things may disqualify you depends on the woman you're talking to, so you'll simply have to make a guess at what she does or does not want, and either display or avoid those qualities. That statement sounds sketchy alone, but this statement rides right alongside it: You make sure that those qualities you show do reflect you, and not someone else.
Some pairs of people are more compatible, some are less. If you aren't compatible, then that's that. But even if you are compatible, it's possible to make yourself seem otherwise by saying/doing stupid s**t. That's half the point I'm trying to get at with C). The other half is the other side of the coin, where in some ways, you should display why you are awesome, and a good choice.
This is all generally done very indirectly; you don't up and say "I am a good boyfriend because...." lol yuck. It's a conclusion she draws based on the unrelated things you do/say.
D) And it also involves breaking the platonic patterns people typically have in their normal conversation and interaction. Doing or saying things that are blatantly intimate. It starts out in small, bite-size ways, and escalates to bigger things. But it's important to never allow your words and actions to be interpreted as platonic for too long. If you don't, then you're simply an interesting friend. This is huge, huge pitfall for guys on this forum(including me). By not breaking platonic patterns, we become friends, and cuddle-bitches, but not boyfriends. This is why you have to flirt early, and flirt often, and never stop flirting.
I really wish I could give specifics, but I'm just not qualified for that. I'm not very good at flirting, really. I'm okay, and getting better, but not very good. =op
You'll want to search the net for a couple days regarding how to flirt. Google it. Read up from multiple different sources so you can get a broader idea of the themes and specifics. No single resource will be 'it,' because there's lots of different angles, and ways to go about it.
And another side-note... Flirting with women works best when they feel comfortable, not nervous or pensive. In fact, it can tend to backfire if they're nervous or in a bad mood. This is, IMO, why it's so important to avoid doing things that feel like dates.
That said, if you can accomplish a date that helps her feel at-ease, then it's all good. It's the end result - comfort - that matters more than the means. Similarly, the more comfortable you feel, the better company you will be, which helps immensely.
So, yeah, sorry for lack of specifics. But I hope it helps.
Hit Google right now, and keep doing it for a few days. It's a big, difficult topic that deserves a lot of attention. If you suck at flirting, you won't be sorry, it'll be one of the best investments of time you'll have ever made, assuming you put in enough effort to get something out of the process.
If I particularly unclear on anything, just let me know and I'll try to re-iterate. I know it's a tough subject.