Why do some guys feel that happiness is dependant on love?

Post Reply New Topic

happiness isn't dependent upon romantic love.

But having romantic love can bring alot of happiness.

You say with you it would just make things more complicated.

but "complicated" is not equivocal with "bad".

complicated situations can still be rewarding ones, given the right handling.

Our very biology compels us to seek a significant other.

our primary directive in life is to pass on our genes; it's hardwired.

It is one of the greatest essential satisfactions, such intimacy.

and it's greatest accompanying ideal is romantic love.

it should never be made sole basis for one's happiness, however.

that's how you get those people who are never happy outside of a relationship.

"Romantic love" has become to happiness what the "Rags-to-Riches" story is to capitalism.

*shrug*

If I had money I could buy friends and drugs.

Then I wouldn't feel "alone" in the sense that I "needed" someone. I've come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as love or at least love from a spiritual sense. After losing both my friends and family, it isn't easy finding that certain kind of love especially in intimate relationships unless you're hot and perky. I'm only of course speaking from a female perspective.

I kind of identify with some of the perspectives here. I never felt exactly whole but I never felt compelled enough to "need" someone even though the feeling is there. There's a sense that part of me is missing but I don't know what "that something" is.

Let me dumb this down a little

Lets say we have 100 ginger geeks, who all have the natural inclination to be happy by themselves.

And we have 100 brown hair geeks, who all have the same natural inclination to be discontent by themselves.

What would be the ratio of ginger geeks relative to brown hair geeks in the next generation?

How about the second.. third..Forth…?
What would be the ratio of ginger geeks relative to brown hairs staying at home on computer.
What would be the ratio of ginger geeks relative to brown hairs unwilling to make effort regarding NTs. And sacrifice some of their true nature to say what NTs what to hear much the same way as NTs do to each other.

What would be the ratio of ginger geeks relative to brown hairs that dress very nice.

What would be the ratio of ginger geeks relative to brown hairs willing to take a higher paid job to get more money and become more eligible.

I want you to look at why depression is very high in aspies and generally starts in the teen age years. Do you really think it is down to social pressures media and not in the genes.

And if you do think it is down to social pressure media. What do you think would happen if this thing happened 5 years early when I am 7-8 , would that bring on loneliness depression earlier. I don’t think so. Even with hypnosis soon as I see a toy helicopter or a computer game the joy of living would come so easily.


I remember when I played the old Nintendo as a child. If I was persecuted terribly as a child, when I play a game like this, anything also wouldn't matter. Somehow in my adult hood it doesn't work any more even if I play the same game.

As much as I'd love to be happy without, er.. love, I just don't think it is possible for me at this time. I've tried some things that I thought of, but none have made me truly happy. Love is one thing I do know that will have an effect on my emotions. Maybe after I find love I can be happy without it, but right now it's the closest link I know of between existence and happiness. Although it largely depends on luck, love is still more desirable than something unknown.

I can't help it--if the right girl was sitting next to me with a controller, the game would be much more enjoyable.

not as bad-off as you're aware-of, but just the same, not as well-off as one might be aware of being, in a more perfect world. in some old movie, a character said, "I coulda been a contender" - a pertinent thought to ponder.
____________________________________________________________________
"things are just peaches and scream all over the place."

a point overlooked is that it is far easier to develop oneself into a "whole person" if the whole package of "whole person" goods is included, including warm fuzzies from other humans. being deprived of these warm fuzzies, it is almost a superhuman challenge to learn how to be a good person. it DOES take [if not a village] at least one other loving person, to enable an effective and loving adult to emerge from childhood. that loving person can be a parent-figure or a mate. but there has to be at least one experience of being valued and appreciated by a signifigant other.
____________________________________________________________________
"if I didn't feel sorry for myself, then who would?"

in this thumpin' bumpin' world, $$$$$ is a primary key to everything else.

Being appreciated is always good, but it doesn't have to be from a romantic partner. Family and friends are pretty great for that too. When I said too many people I didn't just mean on this board. I guess what I don't like is the attitude of "one day someone will come along, sweep me off my feet and make my whole life worth living", and it's not just people here who think like that. Relationships aren't fairy stories.

Bingo. I've got my eye on the new Bentley at the moment, costs about £220,000...

I just had to post a reply to this. I am at the other extreme. You talk about guys who obsess over women, who kind of hover around them or make too much contact with them. I, on the other hand, don't pay them much attention at all. I'm aloof, distant, and only speak when I have something to say. I don't think I'm a hideous freak (meaning I'm not way unattractive), but I haven't had a girlfriend either. Relationships are about finding a middle ground. If you want a girlfriend, you have to find the middle ground between showing too much attention, and showing too little. Neither extreme will work very well.

Lol. I have an 64GB iPad, 17" macbook, 13" macbook, and a 13" tablet. I use all to post on WP

People get desperate for relationships because they want validation, emotional support, reassurance.

The problem is that your typical person isn't going to provide that from the start. People are going to be selfish when it comes to things like this until there's a certain level of attachment. Most people don't want sob stories from someone they barely know, and those who do are usually pretty sadistic.

The best thing you can do is swallow hard, tell yourself that you're not going to babble about your problems to strangers, and try to stay positive. With a bit of luck, and attention to detail, you'll end up dating someone who feels the same way, and you'll be able to provide that reassurance to each other.

It's just a social norm that has been here for a long time, and it doesn't look like it's going away. You would probably have more luck trying to break the norm of wearing pants on a date. (At least that one's not completely driven by biology.)

I'm wondering - those of you who say you can live a happy life without depending on a significant other, are you really fully alone and content to be that way? Or do you get that contentment from other sources instead, such as friends and family? I don't think I'm one of the people desperate for a relationship that the OP describes, but I do find it kind of hard to imagine how a person can live happily without having at least some people in their lives holding them up.

i can't speak for anybody else, but for me there is a middle ground between the two extremes of contentment and abject depression- that is where i have lived all my life. not happy but not totally bummed-out either. being victimized for most of my life by bullies, bereft of friends, i just learned to settle for being left alone in peace. IOW i just lowered my expectations until they couldn't get any lower, and so as long as this stasis is maintained, then i am not down-in-the-dumps. one could say that mediocre is always better than bad.

I have four PCs, three Macs, an iPhone 3GS, and iPod touch, and I'll have the iPad when Apple finally get around to launching it outside of the US.

Why do some guys feel happiness is dependent on love?

As far as I know, we all need to feel loved, and accepted for who we are, with as few strings attached as possible. There's a huge cultural belief that this comes from romantic relationships, so I think a lot of us think that if the right person just came along and swept us off our feet, then we would get all these wonderful things.

I think there are more strings attached (love is less unconditional) in romantic relationships than in other sorts of relationships (e.g. family, friends). I'm lucky enough to have a good relationship with my family and a few close friends, and so far these have made me happier than romantic relationships. So I don't feel happiness is dependent on love. But I've noticed that people who feel differently, don't think the way I do about it. Maybe they don't feel that they can get warm fuzzies from other sorts of relationships?

I do feel for these guys, and have often been tempted to be in relationships with them because of it. Unfortunately, it's not really the best for one's mental health, or ability to get out of the relationship if it goes downhill.