I'm done here.

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Knowing that everyone else has a girlfriend and you've never had one severly impairs one's self-esteem.



Good point. The womanizers who get to eff every girl they want aren't considered attractive because they only think of sex--they're considered attractive despite the fact that they only think of sex.



Allthough I agree with this, it's kind of hard to take these steps if you're a 30 year old, unkissed virgin. Factors that will make you a loser in the eyes of our great society, are factors that turn women off. It's that simple.

It's true that people who whine are annoying, but if a person can't vent here, then where can he vent?

This is the sort of thing he means. Everyone else does not have a girlfriend! People need to get out of these silly mindsets if they want to make any progress.

It's okay to come here and vent but remember we're Aspies and we're going to tell it to you straight and won't pull our punches. What the range is trying to say is that Aspie men come here to complain but refuse to take the steps needed to rectify their situation.

Not only that but having a girlfriend might just cause more problems than it solves. Loneliness is not that big of an issue compared to some others I can think of.

It doesn't have to. I don't have a gf, and never have. I used to be quite miserable about it. I'm not so miserable anymore, because I don't let it get to me. I'd like one, though, and I will start trying to get one in the not-too-distant future, but there are a few things I need to fix about myself first. Not just so I can get a girl, but for myself.


By all means, vent. And if the OP doesn't like it, he can leave. Oh, wait, he did.

Maybe I should have written "feeling" that everyone else has a girlfriend instead.

I agree with everyone who points out this progress thing, though. I've made a lot of progress the last year, but the progress didn't come for free.

Real progress never is free. There's always some sacrifice involved. Anybody who tells you differently is trying to sell you something. At any rate, it's practically useless to compare yourself to others like the girlfriend example. Instead, compare yourself to what you used to be.

I was one of those who wholeheartedly agreed with therange's message, but not necessarily how he delivered it. The bottom line is that you can only help people who want to be helped.

therange: Good luck and best wishes to you

Therange, even though you and I got off on the wrong foot at first, I applaud your efforts to help people.

Good luck in everything you do!

Venting is fine, but for their own good Aspies need realize the the whole "boyfriend-girlfriend" thing is really more of a secular religion that society believes in as opposed to something that everyone must do.

(Removed - M.)

He has some interesting arguments that are more directed towards aspie men.

I really don't whine about the whole "I can't have a pretty girlfriend." thing because I know I can easily get a 7 to 10 to my door in no time at all.

It also helps for the aspie men to stop putting women on pedestals think of them as numbered from 1-10 and then add comments. It is like looking at the Matrix in code.

Love this quote from the link you posted.

(Misogynistic quote removed - M.)

^^^

Holy crap!

I dont know why you are posting a link from the piece of human detritus who wrote that blog, he has nothing valuable to say.

The same old hypocrisy. Why throw you toys out of your pram? You are complaining about negativity yet I've hear mostly negativity from you lately. If you have something to say then say it, just don't complain that everyone isn't on side. If you are not selling the ideas that is though luck, it is nobody else's problem.. You are not the saviour of the world, and you don't have all the answers. It is a tad sociopathic to want everyone to sing from the same hymn sheet on everything.

Also what do you expect? Even if you were able to make a great impact on current member there is always going to be new members. Really it isn't that bad, going by the frequency of posts there are quite a lot of constructive questions too. You also generalise about people on the spectrum. So what makes you think you are any better?

No one is stopping you from leaving, no need to announce your departure.

It goes both ways, if you b***h about people not taking your advice as gospel truth expect the same treatment. If it is bothering someone so much then maybe they should be doing more constructive things with thier time.

100% agreed

I read through about 4 blog posts on that site... yuck. Just yuck. The worst thing is, young guys with little-no experience of being in a healthy relationship are going to read that and think 'oh yeah, this guy's right..'.

I don't agree with the Sex&The City attitude that some women have either, but not all females think that way, and if you go on a date thinking that the person opposite you is a gold-digging flakey manipulative prostitute, then like the writer of the blog says 'what's the point of a LTR?'.

There is no point in this scenario, but if you go in thinking that all people are well, people, then you may have a chance. And it does seem like a lot of young men and women here want a decent partner and long term relationship, so sites like this that promote mind games and manipluation should be avoided like the plague.

I'm not just having a go at the guys; I've seen women on WP too who have a strong 'all men are cruel animals' attitude and that sickens me as well. The more these stereotypes get propagated, the harder it will be for everyone else not to get sucked in or tarred with the same brush.

Quote I found somewhere; Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Last edited by Lene on 09 May 2010, 7:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think Aspie men just need a different perspective that could save some of them a lot of pain. I think so many of us are conditioned to believe that a girlfriend will cure all their ills and we will all live happily ever after.

Another good one for the guys to read is (removed - M.)

Once you understand the dynamics of attraction among the NTs, it really is not that pretty. Hypergamy is the norm.

Hypergamy is why so many Aspie men have trouble attracting a girlfriend because they often do not demonstrate social proof (being the life of the party, everyone wanting to talk to them, status symbols) because we do not feel much of an attachment to things that the NTs value. We unconsciously display lower value.

NTs often take appearance very seriously. I am not particularly concerned about things like fashion but I have taught myself to understand how it works and play the game accordingly to my strengths and workaround the deficiencies.

Ultimately the most important thing for an Aspie man to do is to learn to be happy with himself so that he may take joy in improving himself.

As for the mongering, I think it can help by knocking sex off a pedestal. It also clears a major hurdle in a guy's life.

A lot of self-improvement is simply learning how something works and outlining the process in your mind. One gift that Aspies have is that we often arrange things in diagrams and rule sets. It's basically applying cognitive-behavioral therapy concepts to training ourselves to function in the NT world.

(Removed - M.)

Excellent blog. These guys speak the truth and the things they say do work in attracting women. Women want to feel emotions and Aspie men want to think logic. That is why you are a virgin at 40 and don't have a girlfriend. While we may never become the super player we can master these skills enough to at least get a date.