To the men: What us women face.

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They watch the movie Wedding Crashers. Lots of guys who seem really successful with women believe in it. From what I've seen; I'd agree with em Being upfront & honest does NOT work for lots of guys because women think they have to many problems

Last edited by nick007 on 16 May 2010, 6:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Partialy correct. Yes feign interest to things that would normally draw a response from eager men. But the play is when the woman reveals something unique or is lead to give a more personal response to something then he reacts to her giving her a false feeling of connection. Then this is followed at some point in the interaction with a means to release the tension created in the form of a joke or teasing or more feigning of disinterest( or pretending to) or put downs if he is an ahole. The process is repeated over and over until it creates a memorable experience for her.

Right, the emotional roller-coaster. Tactical use of withholding and awarding validation.

Of course they believe in it; much of it unarguably works very well.
It may seem like honesty doesn't work, but that misses the details about what a guy is being honest about, and what things he chooses to communicate. For guys who are honest, but unsuccessful, in reality it's their choice of things to communicate, and how they communicate, that shoots them down, not their honesty in itself. Say I've got a car that doesn't start. I could go and toss out the entire car, or I could figure out which discreet component of the car is malfunctional, and address it.

Guys who claim honesty doesn't work, and switch to manipulation, are over-reacting and throwing the baby out with the bathwater, IMO.

I think pretending to be interested/caring makes the guy look like an idiot and I can pick em out like a hawk. I guess most women can't.

Same.

But since when do we give a rat's furry ass what's socially acceptable? Approach a guy already!

I'm a guy. And I'm straight...

A few posts by bitter self defeatist men who have declared all women to be the enemy because a chick as hot as Megan Fox won't walk up out of nowhere and ask them out.

The many years I spent when I was younger spending my day sitting around waiting for the right man to come up and ask me out.

I used to think most fairly decent men my age just weren't interested but now I learn some of them had declared me their mortal enemy due to baseless speculations...I mean WTF?

I've done this a few times actually. A woman can smile and so "no thankyou" when she's not interested in a man, or they are usually at least somewhat cordial. Men, on the other hand, act like they've been approached by the creature from the black lagoon when a woman they aren't interested in comes up to them.

Apparently most men consider a woman who approaches them to be desperate or mentally unstable.

No we think it's a trick because the few times that does happen it's usually a dream or a girl who gives out a fake phone number to play games. That has happened to me in high-school

Has happened to me as well (though without phone number), but it made me suspicious of teenagers, not of females.

Sorry, but that population is a little bigger you think. I can tell you're genuinely upset, and it's obviously been true for you, but in my experience, it's quite different.

Pff... that type of girl (popular/pretty/preppy/etc.) just gets on my nerves usually.

Well, after a while. I usually try pretty hard to like everyone I meet, and am rather good at fixating on my favorite traits in people that I socialize with. ^^;;

No though, I get really annoyed that girls don't ever approach, mostly because I dislike the sort that has to wait for me to push and guide everything we do, which it always seems to end up being when I have to initiate things.

Sometimes though, I can initiate something, when the mood is so obvious and perfect there's simply no other course of action. This has happened to me twice. The first time was very silly and stupid and an online thing, started with a naive little "I love you", so I dunno if that counts, but the second was a spontaneous embrace in a Half-Price Books after a long and intimate conversation over the course of two days' walks after school, after a number of fondly shared revelations in a friendly context.... How suddenly it happened would be almost frightening to me if I could manage reflect on it without that bittersweet feeling magnetically drawing a reminiscent smile over my features. ... >.<;

I need to stop talking about that relationship like that. Dwelling on the past and making myself nauseous aren't going to help me a lot. -__-

Flirting isn't a bad thing in these occasions, although I understand for those guys who just aren't good at it that that isn't very good advice. However, flirting is a dance, one which gives the woman the option to play along-- i.e., she's a person, someone who can make up her own mind. So being both friendly and slightly flirtatious gives her the boundaries she might desire but also lets her know you're interested.

Tbh, thinking back on it, the various times I've been approached and have been utterly turned off by the tactic, it did not involve any congenial flirting. Instead, sometimes the guy just seemed desperate.

I don't want a man to come to me simply because he's desperate, I would want him to approach me because, wow, I'm a woman he might really be interested in having a relationship with (read: not a one night stand). If a guy is putting off the Desperation Vibe, I'm going to naturally assume his standards are not that high at the moment-- which, I should mention, isn't very flattering.

In my case I tried to meet aspie girls when I first came to this site but they were all unfriendly so I gave up.

I'm ranting a tad here..

I agree out of personal experiance. The ones you describe, similar to which I have dealt with have wanted a trophy girl, but tell everyone they "just want to be happy". Their attitude says plenty. They will meat this one type of girl, or that type of girl, but later get online, regardless of what happens, and say how they are so lonely, and so depressed! They tend to base similar "types" (more like their sterio types) of girls as being the same as this or that one. This one girl looks this way, and has these other hobbies... "She looks like Karla, Therefore she must be another Karla. I simply won't talk to her, because she's going to be another Karla experiance."

I am not about to pretend I havn't seen this. If they get rejected,oh for shame, dirty ugly girl he dated! He somehow tells everyone how he's a prize winner of a boy friend, and no girl in her right mind would leave him. It's always got to be someone else. (There are far better men around here, for sure. Every bit as tolerant toward them)

Yes, like they literaly expect God himself to drop her at his very feet via golden carredge or something. When they usualy GET a girl that fits their list, something always has to be wrong for her to be "the right one", or at the least he suspects it. He'll always bust his brains trying to figure out each little bitty step, but it will be about her doings, and not his. Few boys, but they post alot and obviously annoyed plenty of people here.

"women only want stuffed wallets" I find so insulting I could write more paragraphs
.......
Oh yeah, here we go again with some folks' "Why should a guy settle for just anything?" arguement. How about "Why does everything have to be perfect for so and so, but everyone else is bad or wrong for not likeing their dirty habits, little white lies, and their human behavior?" Are all her differences and flaws allowed like your's are? She's supposed to settle 100% and love it right down to the smell of your fart, but you can't "just settle", she has to be JUST RIGHT.

Last edited by LiendaBalla on 17 May 2010, 12:39 pm, edited 10 times in total.