How not to come across as creepy.

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LOL good observation!
Certainly there's exceptions... I recall, many years ago, when I was creepy about keeping a relationship.... But nonetheless the stereotype kinda rings true in my experience.

Yeah that's true.. you're right.

The term "b*tches be crazy" is a similar stereotype about how women behave in relationships.

Then the term "that guy is creepy" - stereotype about the initial approaching.

You rock Sedaka. Now that I think about it, that's so true!

All social norms are learned....some people are more easily culturally conditioned.

Aspies aren't, be yourself. If people think you're a creep, so be it. You'll eventually meet someone who sees you as being yourself and maybe they will be an aspie.

Culture has a way of labeling, it sucks. They label you because you don't fit in like the culturally conditioned/brainwashed masses.

If someone thinks you're a creep because you mentioned something sexual or was breathing too hard then they are

1. Shallow or dumb?(breathing is neccesary to live)
2. Insecure about sexuality and/or insecure about their own sexual organs or sex itself.

This sounds really good here but I'm going to be objective here & argue against it. Being yourself only works if someone is actually going to be initially attracted to the real you. If they are not; you will not get a chance at all. Lots of people go out of their way to impress & they embellish or even lie quite a lot at 1st but after their partner slowly finds out the real person; the partners could still be interested in em. The problem is that Aspeis are not good at stretching the truth; we say the harsh critical stuff about ourselves that would be better left unsaid for quite a while. If we could lie like NTs; I bet lots of us would not be alone

No, I actually agree with b9 completely again. He's right on the mark. Again.

Who in the world think of people as creepy even before they have exchanged a single word with the concerned? It's an extremely self-centered and shallow point of view. If I ever come across such people, I steer away immediately.

Some women want to be with rich powerful guys like lawyers, politicians, business executives ect & those guys are famous for lying The most successful people are generally liars or celebrities who are totally fake

Like me, probably, as upon looking at the mirror I can't see a reason why people in general (including women) often stay away from me. And actually, I think I've followed everything in that list...


Well, I'm not much of a talker, I'm more a listener. I only speak when I feel I have something significant to say.

And I have to refrain from saying certain things sometimes... you know, when someone says something that is just screaming for a punchline? Like when this girl said "I can't even fry an egg for my boyfriend", some people I know could have said something like "all the better, he would feel lot of pain if you did" as the phrase can also be translated (in slang) as "I can't even fry one of my boyfriend's balls", but of course I didn't... (and I no longer hang around with those who would have said that sort of thing - they are my age or older and they stay away from women like the plague)

Kenjuudo: "Who in the world think of people as creepy even before they have exchanged a single word with the concerned?"

Seriously? I don't think a woman would ever say that.

Notice that many of the characteristics, such as standing too close while leering and breathing heavily, or talking about sexual things to a stranger, are just this side of sexual harrassment. They are clear signs that if one continues talking to such a person, one will be harrassed. I don't know how other people here define "creepy" but for me, it doesn't mean "someone who might be annoying or awkward to talk to," it means "someone who's potentially dangerous." Personally, I'd prefer to avoid interacting with someone who might be a sexual harrasser rather than find out by being harrassed. Yes, in so doing I may write some people off as creepy who actually aren't, but this is a case where false positives are better than false negatives. I think people have every right to make these sorts of judgments, and I wouldn't be so dismissive of them for doing so.

Well, yeah. An old guy standing extremely close and breathing heavily while glaring down the cleavage, possibly with his hands in his pockets would be characterized as creepy. But what about that poor, social awkward fellow sitting alone on a bar stool looking in the direction of the cool girls? Is he creepy?

I have to agree with Mosaic here. A vast amount of communication is nonverbal, and happens well before you say anything. You have to keep a check on what you communicate through body language and such. And as for mentioning sexual things, you really have to be aware of the context. You don't randomly walk up to strangers and start telling dirty jokes or anything like that, at least in most settings I've seen. o.O; ... Sometimes, it's okay to bring out a dirty joke or sexual discussion or what-have-you in a group of friends who are like that, even if someone new is there, male or female, if that's the norm for your group, and they at least know some of the people there and are fairly comfortable. Not with total strangers though. *facepalm*

And Nick, I don't know about that. Anyone can be convinced to like you if you know how to deceive them into thinking you're someone they'll like, but it won't make you much more likable when you show your true colors. There are some things you don't tell people randomly though. You might not want to inform a person of the fact that you just sneezed all over your hand, even if they want to shake it. You might just say that you think they probably shouldn't or something. You have to try to keep people's interests and not weird them out, but that doesn't mean deceiving them; it just means you need to pick the right things to talk about. Maybe start with small talk or simple things.

Well, yeah. An old guy standing extremely close and breathing heavily while glaring down the cleavage, possibly with his hands in his pockets would be characterized as creepy. But what about that poor, social awkward fellow sitting alone on a bar stool looking in the direction of the cool girls? Is he creepy?

Probably not. I've never heard any friend of mine characterize someone like that as "creepy". I've heard a few of my more stuck-up friends call someone like that a "loser" though.

However, you paint the situation like those two things are completely and totally different. There's really a scale to it. If this "awkward fellow sitting alone on a bar stool looking in the direction of the cool girls" hasn't shaved in a while, and is getting really scruffy-looking, or isn't just looking at the girls, but is more looking at their bums, he might be characterized as "creepy".... You just have to watch yourself with what you do and how you present yourself to others....

"An old guy standing extremely close and breathing heavily while glaring down the cleavage, possibly with his hands in his pockets would be characterized as creepy. But what about that poor, social awkward fellow sitting alone on a bar stool looking in the direction of the cool girls? Is he creepy?"

Yes, the old guy you've just described is the extreme, obvious example of "creepy" (although personally, I've encountered many more creepy younger guys than "old guys"). The socially awkward guy? Well, it depends on what he's doing.

Notice that the behavior listed earlier did not include "sitting alone on a bar stool looking wistfully at girls across the room, but not checking them out." That's because that's not creepy behavior. He's not in their space, he's not interacting with them, and honestly he probably lacks the confidence or initiative to be dangerous to them. If the girls even register that he exists, they'll probably think, "oh, how pathetic, he's just sitting there by himself. There's probably something unappealing about him, or else there'd be other people with him." An unfair judgment, which will make it hard for him if he does approach them later, but a little different from "he's creepy, let's get out of here."

I'm sure there are situations in the middle where guys can seem creepy when they're really just socially awkward and don't realize what messages their nonverbals are giving off. I can't say much about that, though, because personally I've been bothered more by overly friendly NT types. I wish I had a magic recipe for telling the difference. Maybe someone else here has ideas.

It depends on how long he looks. If he stares and stares and stares, then yes. He is creepy. He is in fact a lot creepier than the heavy breathing old man staring at cleavage. If he looks merely to "check them out" with only the sort of passing interest that any man would have, he is not. It's the intensity of his interest that is a measure of creepiness. How could he be creepier than the heavy breathing old man? Because that old man is repulsive but if he is in fact old, he's also not as physically strong as the younger socially awkward guy and therefore less of a threat. More of a disgusting phenomenon.

Mosaicofminds is exactly right. "Creepiness" is a measure of percieved yet ambiguous threat. Women (I am one) have to be on guard against threats that range from stalking to outright rape. When women say a man is "creepy", they are saying they feel somewhat threatened by him yet he has not said or done anything prosecutable. The price a woman pays for being oblivious to this threat can be very high indeed. It is far better to unfairly write off 10 harmless men then to suffer violence at the hands of somebody because "it's not fair to judge". Judging saves women's lives.

Somebody said upthread that men show creepy behaviour when they are interested. (Interested in getting to know her or interested in locking her in a closet for 3 years- that's what women have 30 seconds to figure out). Whereas women show creepy behaviour when a relationship is disintegrating and they are trying inappropriately to salvage it by doing creeopy things. The creepy man shows inappropriate interest that makes a woman feel threatened. But women don't attack men they don't know. So this is not where female creepiness comes in. Women historically only hurt those they love, not strangers. So female creepy behaviour happens when the relationship is disintegrating and the man starts to get ambiguous but genuine feelings that maybe this woman he wants to break up with will hurt him in some way if he does. That's when he feels threatened.

In sum, creepiness is all about feelings of threat. Women feel that the strange man may hurt them based on his behaviours. So he is "creepy". Men feel the woman they used to love has lost her mind and shown a dark side as the relationship falls apart and he is in danger and so she is "creepy ex girlfriend". Women don't want to star in a serial killer movie. Men don't want to star in "Fatal Attraction".

Agree 100%. The ones who are usually alone and who stare and stare put our guards up. Why? Look many of the men who rape, kill and stalk women, they are all usually socially inept and/or have some sort of mental illness. I'm not saying other men DON'T, but these sort of guys - its very common to.

Some guys who can't get women are probably giving off the creepy vibe through A mysogenic attitude and it can be really felt. Women don't feel safe around them. And then they can't get more women, and the cycle continues.

And although many aspie guys are fine, it's not uncommon to write many off as stalkers because of the obsessive behaviour.

I have been called "creepy" more than I can count, and i'm a woman, probably because If I like someone I joke about them and make up silly songs etc. To normal people that's obsessive, hence creepy.