Do women not like aspie guys?

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Oh, I think I can definitely cover you for that answer - at least for NT women. They typically show interest in a guy by taking proximity with them. A guy will lets say be at a health club, grocery store, or some other public place, and he realizes a certain girl or woman is keeping herself within conversational range and it seems to be moving a bit past chance, she saw him from 40 feet away before and its been 10 feet ever since. It might be easier for AS women if guys did this but - this behavior (taking proximity), but I've always gotten the impression that its frowned on the other way.

There are certain social patterns to getting dates and behaving on dates. Since neurotypicals are in the majority, they are designed to be optimal for neurotypical men dating neurotypical women. They don't work well for aspie men because they involve a lot of things aspies are bad at. I'm not sure if that answers your question.

I will note, though, that stereotypical dating results in marriages with a very high divorce rate. Probably there are better ways to find a life partner.

I've never met an aspie guy, but if I did I'd give him a chance.

In that case I think my confusion comes from my having always done hobbies that alot of men do so I always used to have male friends, so maybe I am talking to them thinking I might have found a possible friend and then they make their true intentions clear And I am very much a I will talk politely to anyone person, well they talk and I listen, nod occasionally.....they seem happy, you would be amazed what some people will tell complete strangers !

So if it is down to proximity how can I make it clear I want a friend rather than get hit on !? And without it sounding like, I SSssso dont want to go out with you but I could put up with you being my friend....I suppose ! Because actually apart from two occasions when I was young and easily led when my boss set me up I havent dated someone that I have just met, never realized that. Not sure what to do with that either.

Short answer:

Do women like aspie guys? It depends. How well can you hide your aspie traits, and for how long?

If you're talking short term, and you can hide the traits, you'll do well with a certain sort of shallow NT.

If you're looking long-term, hiding it is probably a bad thing. You're looking for an entirely different kind of NT, then....and odds are, she is not shallow and unbelievably hot.

Depends on the people, in other words.

I would also say it depends on what AS traits you have very strongly.

I've been attracted to several people with AS traits, and I'm not averse to the idea of dating someone with AS in the future. I really like some traits of AS: the objective, logical thinking style, special interests (few things are more attractive than enthusiasm), sense of humor, unconcern with the opinions of the "crowd," and honesty. The awkwardness can sometimes be cute, too. However, I've found I really can't stand some other traits. If someone can't stand touch, is incredibly rigid, can't look me in the eye (or doesn't want to), doesn't express affection even in an unconventional way, requires me to make 90% of the conversation, or is borderline asexual, then I'm sorry, but it probably won't work out. (I'd probably still be willing to be friends, though).

I disagree with Poppy that it's necessarily about hiding the traits, but then, our experiences have been pretty different.

Mosaicofminds Good point actually, men dream of a virgin so someone who is nervous etc will appeal to them whereas women want someone to take charge, thats not what I mean im looking for hit them over the head drag them into a cave and show them what a big strong man they are. Same thing ? AS men seem to get a raw deal in dating !

techstepgenr8tion You sound like you can fill in my apparently missing psychology section ! Any book recommendations on dating welcome ! !! !! !! !! !

The whle "men want virgins" thing is a myth. Yeah some might but the majority don't care.

A lot actually don't like them.

To Mosaic:

I don't think it's entirely about hiding the traits--but you have to decide what your strategy is.

I know one aspie who has done fine with shorter term things and hiding it. (He has just had to accept some really ugly breakups once they figure out what is up.)

But if you are looking for something long-term, you probably shouldn't hide the traits. People need to know, not just what they are getting into, but how to be in a relationship with an aspie.

One of the most difficult things to learn is that up to a point, aspies are emotionally like children. If your aspie says something outrageous (to an NT) you can't just ignore them, nor should you read it like you would from an NT.

The mental jumps it takes to validate an aspie, and to expect some of the behaviours so you can have peace with an aspie can take a long time to learn.

Because (from what i speculate) aspies/auties are non romantic and straight to the point, we do not give a flying s**t about romance, thats why women are drawn to sociopaths who like to (literally) manipulate the panties off girls.

Then they run home to momma, crying "Why cant i find a nice man, boo-hoo".

@Ichinin: that's funny, I was under the impression that some aspies can be good at flirting...I'll let someone else correct the huge overgeneralization you made about women.

@Poppy: "But if you are looking for something long-term, you probably shouldn't hide the traits. People need to know, not just what they are getting into, but how to be in a relationship with an aspie...The mental jumps it takes to validate an aspie, and to expect some of the behaviours so you can have peace with an aspie can take a long time to learn."
OK, I agree. But when, during the course of a relationship, is a good time to really be open about it? Sure, you can gradually bring up traits, starting with the kind of funny and endearing awkward ones, from the time you start dating. But let's say I disclose too late, and my date decides they can't or don't want to handle what it would take to be in a relationship with me. Then I've invested so much of my emotions in a doomed relationship. What I actually do IRL is be as open as possible as early as possible because I'd rather scare someone away before I've invested much in the relationship, but that's probably counterproductive, too.

"One of the most difficult things to learn is that up to a point, aspies are emotionally like children."
I think this is true of some aspies, but certainly not all.

@700: I wasn't specifically saying anything about sexual experience, BTW. By "not being averse to touch," I meant, I really like to cuddle, so I wouldn't be happy with someone who freaks out about light touch. By "not borderline asexual," I meant that the person should have some interest in sexual activities, and should sometimes be willing to initiate. And while I appreciate dating someone who has some idea of what they're doing, I would rather not be hit over the head and dragged to a cave, thanks. I'm not really into football player/cave-man type macho guys.

O.k.....lots of NTs are like children, too.

Aspies, sometimes, are just wrong. (Like, "I'm risking transmitting HIV to strangers." wrong.

NT's, too, but aspies have this issue with listening to any argument once they've made up their minds.

Honestly, I dated an aspie for years that I would not have if I had known he was an aspie. (He's my second or third aspie, and I had negative experiences with the others.)

It's not fair, but I think you have a better shot at any relationship if you DON'T disclose. Some will stay once they figure it out, but most will not.

The thing is, most would not engage in the first place if they knew.

My particular aspie, who broke up with me to date someone else a month ago, but then asked me out for dinner last week and called on a separate day of the same week, is just someone that I think might be a soulmate, and his AS is almost irrelevant--it's still the same sweet guy that I've been close to for years, only now I have an explanation for some of his more maddening behavior.

Would I have dated him if I had known? Probably not.

Sorry I havent explained very well It is the stereotype that women want a strong, capable provider and men are excited by the chase and want to go were no man has gone before. These are what they say they look for to settle down but people go to nightclubs and pick up a different person every time and sleep with them, they even have websites that they go on to and find out who is online and available for sex at that time. But when it comes to settling down they are unlikely to end up with someone who they have met in this way.I didnt mean to sound like I was commenting on you personally, only you know that
I think just as two people who have depression can handle it in different ways so are people with who they choose to date, if not they would be a rush for a certain type of man and woman and the rest would be left overs.

I dont think I am able to fully understand your comment on things like childish behavior to be honest because I can talk to almost anyone its just some people leave me drained or I am not very comfortable with them. Also because I have never officially met a AS in person. It was the documentaries on BBC4 and channel 4 that slowly drip fed the process and it finally got to the point that it was all to much of a coincidence. The main difference between me and them is I am alot more reserved and therefore shrink in rather than explode out. I have always liked the big bang theory and it is not until now that I can see I like it because it is like looking in a mirror I assume they based this on AS.

Hi Donnie,

Ive though about this question a lot and I think this is the answer.

As men our primary selection criteria is physical beauty.
But NT womens primary selection criteria seems to be high social status/value.

If the woman works at a restaurant this could be the manager.
If shes religious it could be the head of her church.
If she plays tennis it could be the local pro from her tennis club.

A man with high social value might just be a well know character with in her
regular social group. He could be fat and not have much money or fame but with in
that group hes well known and respected.

Women dont like to admit this but think about the evidence.
Have you ever seen an old man from a nursing home with a hot girl friend because
he funny and has great personality. Yet put him on a yacht and make him the CEO
of a company and it happens all the time.

Men of any age who are loners rarely have hot girl friends. Just go out on the street and look around.

Aspies dont generally hold high status positions in life because of the way that the majority of NTs respond to us. Aspies see social groups as a flat structure where everybody is of equal importance.
NT see all social groups a pyramid structure and they no there place in the group.

Two friends of mind decided to devoice reality for a year and just spend all their time playing world of war craft. One was an Aspie. He chose a spell casting character and slunk around at the back of the group in a low key supporting role. The other an NT chose to be this giant bear that led the group and told the other players what to do. One of the other players was a nerdy female engineering student from Canada. She became attracted to the NT. They formed a relationship online and with in a year they got married. She was totally taken by the NT even though she had never met him just because of the was he carried himself in the game.

Mark.

I agree, although it's simply the way guys act - evolution - and longer-term socialisation as well as your post-feminist media trends at work... although when I see an attractive woman who seems to have a nice demeanour buying one of those vacuous magazines it does fill me with contempt for that which they choose to fill their head with. Which is a shame, I'm sure many are missing out on something worthwhile but embrace consumerism instead.

Think you're pretty spot on tbh. Its not just NT women too, no matter how many aspie women claim they don't care.

women are attracted to Alphas.
Men are attracted to beauty.

We are both as shallow as each other.

I mean aspies have the short end of the stick, especially men as aspie women and their lack of socail skills isn't too important.