How do you date when you are unemployed (girl)?

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There is an order to this kind of thing just like everything else humans do. You cannot simply skip the beginning and jump directly into a serious relationship. Things like this have to develop, you cannot just walk down the street hoping someone will at random decided you are the love of his/her life.

Yes, that is true. I have been in relationships before. I do not fall in love easily, and am highly suspicious of anyone who claims to be in love with me after a brief period. (This has happened to me twice. Once after knowing the person for 2 weeks.)
In my opinion, it is better to continue a relationship with someone you get along with, rather than ending it just because you don't like their job, background, etc. than it is to seek relationships based solely on the traits you believe to be "at your standard", and attempting to find chemistry with only those people. True happiness and "love" does not depend on income, degrees, or social status. So many people have ideas in their mind that they will only date certain types of people with certain types of criteria in mind, and if you don't meet them they refuse to consider a relationship. That's what bothers me. I feel like if I was the same person, but I had a different life path and was able to do the things I wanted to do with my life, that I would have been accepted far more often. But I also live in a city where there is a very high percentage of yuppies and socialites who believe the world revolves around them.

Also, I appreciate all the comments from people who are understanding and know what being in this situation feels like.

Your blog explains it very well.

My partner is also on disability and just got her honours degree from the Open University.

Maybe something like that could get you back on the road to where you want to go.

Courses/tutorials are a chance to meet people that you might get on with.

Your question is 'How do you date when you are unemployed (girl)?' so i am replying to this question.

Besides, no date is guaranteed to become a long term situation , you need to get a date first before wishing for a meaningful relationship. Besides, you increase your chance of having a Long term relationship by picking a certain types of guys, if you like bikers and jerks then your chance would be very low but if you like the introvert or the hard-worker types then you're more likely to have a long term thing.

Not all guys want casual relationships.

And not all guys want strippers and sluts.


All girls in the world face this problem in the dating world , and since you are saying that you CAN get dates then go ahead....get dates and stop whining here. The only way to have have a long term relationship is to try.






Don't you know???

I am the Face of Boe (or boo!)! I can watch you anytime and anywhere O_O. Beware my wrath.

You're thinking too negatively about yourself and others. I'm surprised no one has called you out on this comment about dating in your social class.

Just like you may have stated that you did well in uni but was unable to complete, the same can apply to prospective dates.

I firmly believe that to bring something positive to a relationship and experience success, the person has to be happy with themselves first. It is too much to expect the other person to make us happy.

Yeah, I tried doing online courses for a while, but they are enormously expensive., more expensive than "real" university here.



I shouldn't have written this at all. Being as I have AS, I don't see all the ways my words can be taken the wrong way by others. I already said like 5 times I wasn't figuring that I'm a useless loser and nobody will like me, I'm saying people will like me BUT THEN get the idea that I'm a useless loser! Big Difference! I could have lots of self esteem, be very active, seem like a "great catch"- UNTIL they find out some of the negative information.

I put that in quotation marks, because the whole thing was me being angry at the people who ONLY DATE IN THEIR SOCIAL CLASS. Meaning, these people would be interested if they thought I was educated and in a respected job, but then decide I'm not worth it based COMPLETELY on my current life situation. I didn't say I was interested in only dating my social class! As I have elaborated, That is the idea that I am AGAINST!

I guess you wouldn't understand if it has never happened to you.
It feels absolutely HORRIBLE to have someone tell you, :"You know, I really really like you. Except that I can't have a relationship with you, because I would be embarrassed to take you to dinner parties, or to have you meet my parents. You just don't fit in with my people."
That's what a guy I liked actually said to me!! Of course I didn't like him any more anyway, after I realized what a superficial dork he was.

And how would you like to go on a date with someone ONCE, and then have that guy phone and message you for 2 years about how he wants to find you and mutilate your body and "show you your place as a useless whore" because I didn't sleep with him?! (He only stopped when the police said they were going to charge him.)

People are often EXTREMELY SUPERFICIAL. They rate the worth and status of each other. Sometimes it can turn out very bad, as in the scenario above! Sometimes when crazy sickos see you as a worthless nothing, and then you decline to go out with them again, they take it so personally that someone "beneath them" would reject them that they start fantasizing about killing you! There is always more violence against low income woman, because its easier for the creeps to not have any respect for them.

And sometimes there is no violence, just what seems like a relationship that is going well, and you began to feel closer to that person and hopeful that you mean something to them, only to find out that they would be ashamed to be a serious boyfriend to you because of your life circumstance!

Online dating is full of THOUSANDS of people you don't know. And on these dates, people rate people based on your education, income, amount of friends, besides your looks and personality. They have in their mind what a "perfect" girlfriend is, and if you don't match with that idea, they may go on a few dates with you but many of them would not consider you a "serious option", because that would be like "dating down", and they move on to the other thousands of options.

Men can be just as superficial as women!
It's very difficult to tell who honestly and genuinely likes you, and who is just "stringing you along" until someone that meets their "perfect image" shows up.

So keep your mouth shut, if you think "because I'm a girl, that doesn't happen", and that it "MUST BE" because I have personality deficits that I'm rejected. I don't care what you believe, because I know otherwise. To go through this process is extremely frustrating, and mostly disappointing.

Being unemployed, whether you are MALE OR FEMALE is a huge social stigma. Many people are NOT WILLING to engage in an actual relationship with you, if you are unemployed, despite your personality and looks, and how well the dates are going. I know from experience, that it often is not "what's inside that counts."

FOR EXAMPLE, when I was a student- although I still didn't have a lot of money- MANY more people were willing to talk with me, and act interested. When you work in a min. wage job, or are unemployed, you'll find that even though you are the same person, you are ignored and avoided by people if they know that.

Not to mention having AS creates other kinds of difficulties.

As I said, I now wish I hadn't bothered with this thread. I was looking to hear from other females in the same situation, but mostly you people just felt the need to negate my experiences, or comment on my inability to get work right now. I thought people would be more understanding here, being that many people with AS go through periods of unemployment.

And I don't know why a few posters took my words to mean I want someone to start a serious relationship right away. NO, all I would like is for some people to JUST CONSIDER having a relationship with me despite being unemployed and uneducated!


I don't even know why you are bothering to read this thread, if all you want to contribute is complaints against me.

I know how you must feel because I am unmployed. Sadly, economic times are tough now and there are a lot of people out of work. I know people look down on me who are employed or have their own business.

Do you know how many people are unemployed at the moment. Just check out your local unemployment office if your curious, ALOT of people are in the same situation as you.

Many people are not willing to engage in a relationship if you happen to have children as well. This is something you must simply accept as you cannot force people to do as you think they should. The first line of the serenity prayer comes to mind here.

You are making excuses and practically looking for reasons why you can't date. Why is that? Most people would try to rationalize their perceived defects and push them down and not let them affect their life experiences.

Look inward to find why you aren't getting dates. Your living situation has nothing to do with it.

And try not to be so negative.

That doesn't make people any less judgemental about it. Infact I see quite a lot of the blame shifted onto the Unemployed rather then blaming the general lack of work and crappy economy.

Just remember that hot guys are all jerks and cute guys are all closet gays trying to prove to the world they aren't. To play it safe, pick a plain looking guy.

Wow, another useless comment attempting to belittle me.
I said I was "hesitant" about meeting people online, for being negatively stereotyped, not searching out imperfections so that I CANT DATE.

My living situation has nothing to do with it? SO all those specific times, when people told me that was a reason, they must have been lying? Or I hallucinated it?

Whats your problem? This isn't a philosophic discussion whether or not people care about the profession and income of potential dates. Clearly they do. If you want to have a delusional world-view that people always see "whats inside", and don't make judgements on you like that, then go ahead. But don't bother trying to tell me that I have to "look inward" because it's all my fault.

I don't go onto your threads and tell you that your memories, experiences, and observations are not true.

So out of the 10 people I met online in the past:
1 wouldn't date me because I didn't have the right kind of job, told me that in an email,
1 after I met ONCE sent me threatening and abusive messages for 2 years because I turned him down, and he wanted to know how much I deserved to die for it,
1 I had a relationship for over 2 years, but when I moved in with him after losing my job and being broke, he turned violent and abusive and I almost died, was left homeless
1 after a couple dates, when I decided to go to his place sexually assaulted me

Of course I'm going to be cautious and hesitant., and negative. Internet dating is very dangerous, and a lot guys specifically look to abusive woman they see as being "below them".

^^ WTF? Is it just your super hyper bad luck or you have the tendency to pick the potential jerkest/rapist guys on earth?

No, I am repulsed by so called "jerky guys", or the hot "badboy" types who are closet misogynists. Personality to me is important, I don't put up with crap. All of these guys seemed nice and caring at first to me. The ones who are good at it, are good at deceiving.

I have extremely bad luck, although date assaults are becoming fairly common.
If there is a God, it hates me.