Unwanted attention from opposite sex

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I don't trust people that have the opportunity to hurt me further. It's not like I don't date at all, but I try to date away from work, friends, family, like internet dating sites. I actually tried to date a girl at work, but it was too awkward. I don't like the idea of coworkers knowing the details of our relationship, because I have none of the "proper" defense mechanisms for taking criticism or being the butt of jokes. I could just give everyone a dead pan look, but that isn't really the excepted reaction. I wound up regretting my initiative.




I don't see it that way at all. Girls don't want an "as*hole". They want a guy that is adventurous, and as it turns out, it's the guys that nice guys perceive them as being as*holes. It's harder for a girl to experience the world than it is for a guy, which is why they pair themselves with the adventurous type. Together, they act wild, but not too wild, swinging the girl around for each other's enjoyment, dancing over the edge of what is dangerous, and at the last second, he pulls her back in to him. Pretty smart if you

You'd best post a photo so we can see if it's just a physical thing. They're obviously very attracted if they're making it difficult for you to keep things platonic. The women I hear about nearly all just sit there and wait to be pulled, and even when they know you're interested they often put obstacles in the way. So all I ever had to do to keep women off my body was to just be myself. But maybe times have changed.

I guess you'll just have to get used to blowing them off gently. You could tell them that you have very stringent standards and are waiting for the right one......if they complain, send them a list and tell them that the first one to meet all your requirements can have you. Or just tell them the truth, that you like them but don't happen to feel like bedding them right now. Or whatever your reason is for not wanting to. Or tell them you have no money or job prospects (that ought to send the worst of them running for cover!). Or talk about nothing but string theory or train spotting. Pretend to be interested in nobody but yourself. Pretend to be really humourless and grumpy. Mumble and look weak, like Clark Kent. Sulk and whinge. Sneer at everything they hold sacred or desirable. Feign possessiveness and threaten to cold-shoulder them if they so much as look at another man.

You could even clear the ground by pretending to be absolutely besotted with them and that you can't spend a moment without them, and then be as nice as pie to them and fall over yourself to get dates with them. Try to appear as insecure and desperate as you can. Back down in all conflicts. I'm reliably informed that this will wipe out your attractiveness in no time. But it could backfire.

Damn weird problem though.

If you do this, be extremely careful because people will get VERY weirded out if you say you have a girlfriend and they find out that you don't.

One of my friends did a similar thing he took a picture of me, put it in his binder, used a fake name for me, and tried to tell the people at the school he was at that she/I(?) was his girlfriend. Everyone apperently saw throught it and ended up getting very weirded out by him.

Obviously in this situation, you aren't using a picture and you aren't doing it to impress people, but you should still be careful. I think most people react differently when men and women say they have a girlfriend/boyfriend when they don't.

I'm guessing this is what most people think as a reaction when realize the person is single:

If it is a woman: "She probably wasn't interested in me, but doesn't want to feel unimpressive."

If it is a man: "Why does he not have a girlfriend? Why does he have to lie? Is there some kind of severe problem that prevents him from having a girlfriend?"

It could still work to say you have a girlfriend, but you should be careful.

Okay.

As for young, nubile coworkers striking provocative poses - completely ignore them. Don't stare. Don't comment. Remove yourself from the area (if possible) or change your position so that you are not in view of any provocative poses. Anything but ignoring will only give them the attention that they are craving.

Be polite, cordial, even a bit clipped.

Don't really engage in conversation per se. Say "good morning" (this is just politeness) but don't add "how are you?" or "how was your weekend?" You are trying to discourage conversation.

If the girl asks quesitons, give closed answers. "How was your weekend?" You answer "Fine" The ask "What did you do this weekend" You answer, "Not much" (n.b. you would answer like this even if you had a really exciting weekend - the goal here is to avoid opening up to conversation while still being polite).

The trouble with many young girls (especially those that are traditional such as a "fundamentalist") is that they are less inclined to just go ahead and ask a fellow that they are interested in to coffee or something. They consider this "too forward" and they are caught in this demeaning loop of trying to flirt so that the fellow that they are interested in will finally ask them out. I used to be like this . The best thing that you can do is just keep ignoring their flirtatious behaviour. If they finally come out and ask, then you can say, "I'm flattered by the offer, but I am not interested." If they ask why (sigh - I hate it when people ask "why" - they are not owed an explanation...) then say, "Your a perfectly fine, attractive person, however I just don't feel a 'spark'". This compliments the girl and makes her feel good - even though she was just rejected.

If she continues to ask or pursue you or badger you, say, "I already said, "no" When you keep asking, I feel uncomfortable. I respect our work here and we both need a comfortable work environment, please respect my boundaries." If she continues, report it to your employer as it is now harassment.

I hope that this helps.

Anyone else think about Clark Kent when you read this?

I didn't think of myself as a Clark Kent with glasses on, more like Jeffery Dahmer Seriously, I thought I looked like a qsycho serial killer. I'll link up some photos later.

I'm extremely leary about the "I already have a girlfriend" excuse. I'll get caught up in it quickly.

I'm probably just going to try to deal with the fact that I'm going to have to break some eggs ie; possibly hurt some girls feelings.

I recomend hurting girls feelings.

Which sucks because those nice guys are the ones who are also shy and won't make the first move.

"Nice Guys" are a myth.

It can have devastating social consequences if you send the wrong messages out. People will start to assume that you are gay or that something is wrong with you after you ignore what are supposed "obvious" inuendo's. At least if you befriend them, their role as mothering protector can be good, albeit somewhat empowering for her but otherwise this is a damaging scenario. Try to be as responsive as possible and always be polite, that way when the right girl does come around, she will see how other girls treat you and you want it to be as good as possible

Yes I did:

I get the brownie point

It all depends whether the "unwanted" attention is from a good looking woman or not.

ruveyn

OH my GOD!! !!

THIS is the STORY of MY LIFE!! !!

Y'know...when I really wanted the attention form girls I couldn't seem to buy it like in junior high and somewhat in high school - but especially in college other than a couple of flings. When I did my senior practicum, I met a girl who FLIRTED WITH ME. Long story short...she really just wanted a guy to go with to pay for her leisure time activities resulting in me seeing through her BS and dropping her.

Before that girl, there was a young lady I really liked, but I never knew how to interpret her gestures towards me. She was more subtle in her dealings - real CUTE, too!

I've had other women try it only to FAIL because I they clearly...CLEARly were looking for someone to MOOCH from. Either that or she had a bossy streak that I refused to put up with. Or BOTH!

Quite a while ago, I concluded that 'tis better to be alone...for me at least.

Through the experiences I have had, I've realized that I really don't want to spend all my time being tied down to someone like that.

I don't care about having someone to come home to.

I don't care about walking through the park or the mall holding hands.

Nor do I care about going out to eat or to the movies, etc. with that someone special.

This means that I do have to deal with unwanted attention from the opposite sex. I do not lie and tell them that I already have a girlfriend, and I certainly will not go to the extreme of wearing a wedding band to ward off unwanted attention.

I deal with the situation head-on. No, I'm not interested in dating or going out or spending time...whatever.

I've gotten everything from women who whine and plead their case that I need someone to be with to those who get mad and tell me I'm selfish. Last Friday, I went out to eat with a group of people and somehow the woman sitting next to me was talking about problems in relationships. I then explained that I don't date and, therefore, do not have to deal with the problems.

Then she asks me, "You mean you don't want to date?"

So I tell her that my fondest desire is to come home, shut the door, and know that I'm the only one on that side of the door.

And she looks at me like

I mean, she can suit herself, but I'm not the one talking about having the problems. I'm peaceful with my decision.

I've had women start crying or become enraged over the fact that I really don't care about the "attention." And so I'll ask them why they won't go find somebody who wants all that, and they just look at me like and I'm like

I met one female in my life who was so non-chalant about being in a relationship that we both were satisfied with talking to each other until she quit the place we both worked at and drifted apart. I liked her, though. Recently saw her and she's still non-chalant.

I have had women assume that I'm more naive than I really am. When they find out the real deal, they're usually shocked and disappointed. I tell them that they just thought that I would be easily manipulated. Some have even admitted that I'm RIGHT!

There are those who are looking for someone to take care of. I am NOT a kid, nor do I want someone who thinks she has to mother me to friggin' death. I don't want to be bothered at all right now!

Because they seem so desparate, their attempts to get with a guy is just too much (for me anyway) to the point that it's unwanted!

I've been with a group of guys recently who were discussing (of all things) how their wives were miserable and had no lives because they (the men) were so active while the wives sat at home complaining that they were "never there." But they were somehow disappointed to hear me say that I avoided all that. One of 'em told me that I'll have lonely nights. Well...I'm still waiting. NOT!

Been through the whole, "Are you gay?" thing ad infinitum ad nauseum.

Unwanted attention leading to job discrimination is the most exhausting thing of all!

PEOPLE...LEAVE ME THE FREAK ALONE!! !!

Sorry, but this was a great thread, and I just needed to vent!

Yep, I've been through this too. They think that just because your "nice" and "shy" that you must be a desperate virgin, or in my case, a desperate 30 year old virgin, that they can use you to get away with any desire they want. Although, I probably read it as being more sinister than it really is

I've been trying to get my photo's up, but sxc is taking forever to approve my photos I uploaded. I don't have a facebook or myspace or else I'd just link to them. Is there a quicker way?

PS. I see that this thread isn't exactly in the correct forum, forgive me for not following correct protocol.

You are 1000% correct! That is EXACTLY what I was talking about! You did NOT read it as being more sinister than it really is. And when you find a woman who is later WOMAN ENOUGH to admit it, you feel validated in knowing you've not gone completely 'round the bend!

As far as you being in the wrong forum, I would beg to differ. I believe that it was meant to be there so that people like me would see it and respond as I mostly lurk in this forum.

Also like you, I'm not sure if I have it, but I am certain of one thing. I HAVE SOMETHING: PDD-NOS, BAP, AS, AvPD, Social Anxiety, OCPD!

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