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Have you ever been wrongly accused of sexual harassment?

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JohnisBlind
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11 Aug 2010, 11:38 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i think it is really easy for aspies to be miscontrued in terms of social intentions. we sometimes creep people out because we don't read and transmit signals very effectively. that being said, NTs can sometimes see right through us. what i mean is that...

fictitious example: if i find a guy at work attractive, and i think it is a secret, maybe he can still tell without my intending it to be obvious (he is an NT, so he can tell sometimes). so i am having a conversation with him about quarterly reports or something. and then i stand too close to him by accident (cuz i don't always know how far away i should stand. i do this to everyone at this pretend workplace).

well, maybe he will think i am being sexually harassing because:

1. he knows i find him attractive
2. i behaved in a way that unintentionally crossed a boundary

what i'm trying to say is that a person will be more likely to accuse you of sexual harassment if he/she can tell you find him/her attractive, even if your actual behaviour around them seems pretty innocent or innocuous. sometimes, it isn't about the actual behaviour. sometimes, it is actually about the sexual message you are unintentionally sending.


Underlying the right to be offended is a false belief that certainly behaviors should be interpreted as offensive without valuing the subjectivity of the person who is accused.



JohnisBlind
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11 Aug 2010, 11:40 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i think it is really easy for aspies to be miscontrued in terms of social intentions. we sometimes creep people out because we don't read and transmit signals very effectively. that being said, NTs can sometimes see right through us. what i mean is that...

fictitious example: if i find a guy at work attractive, and i think it is a secret, maybe he can still tell without my intending it to be obvious (he is an NT, so he can tell sometimes). so i am having a conversation with him about quarterly reports or something. and then i stand too close to him by accident (cuz i don't always know how far away i should stand. i do this to everyone at this pretend workplace).

well, maybe he will think i am being sexually harassing because:

1. he knows i find him attractive
2. i behaved in a way that unintentionally crossed a boundary

what i'm trying to say is that a person will be more likely to accuse you of sexual harassment if he/she can tell you find him/her attractive, even if your actual behaviour around them seems pretty innocent or innocuous. sometimes, it isn't about the actual behaviour. sometimes, it is actually about the sexual message you are unintentionally sending.


Underlying the right to be offended is a false belief that certain behaviors should be interpreted as offensive without valuing the subjectivity of the person who is accused.



hale_bopp
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12 Aug 2010, 12:06 am

You still havent said how you apparently harassed someone.



Pistonhead
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12 Aug 2010, 12:07 am

I think he mentioned speaking about a dirty Pink Floyd song at his sisters party or something in another thread and being accused of it. I might be wrong on some of those details.


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hale_bopp
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12 Aug 2010, 12:15 am

Pistonhead wrote:
I think he mentioned speaking about a dirty Pink Floyd song at his sisters party or something in another thread and being accused of it. I might be wrong on some of those details.


Seems kind of weird tbh. imo its more about how its said and what the person is doing for it to be offensive. Like if you're just around having a laugh it would be fine.. if its said quietly or if you stand too close.. need more information



hyperlexian
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12 Aug 2010, 7:36 am

JohnisBlind wrote:
Underlying the right to be offended is a false belief that certain behaviors should be interpreted as offensive without valuing the subjectivity of the person who is accused.


EDIT: i meant to quote this comment.

whether or not you agree with it, unwanted sexual attention is sexual harassment by definition. therefore if you knowingly do it anyways, it is not a wrongful accusation... ?t is a RIGHTFUL ONE.


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hyperlexian
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12 Aug 2010, 8:36 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
You still havent said how you apparently harassed someone.


Pistonhead wrote:
I think he mentioned speaking about a dirty Pink Floyd song at his sisters party or something in another thread and being accused of it. I might be wrong on some of those details.


maybe, but we haven't had confirmation yet. if that is the situation you are referring to, what ages were your sister's friends, and what was your age at the time, JohnisBlind? that could have been part of the issue, if there was a large age gap.


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hale_bopp
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13 Aug 2010, 2:01 am

i would more call making a sexual comment to a stranger about a song "inappropriate", he obviously didn't know he was doing it, I don't know. No-one knows what happened.

I'm not sympathising until I know whats happened.



JohnisBlind
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13 Aug 2010, 2:30 am

What I find excruciatingly annoying is the assumption that I must have done SOMETHING wrong. The notion that men are ever misunderstood or that somebody could project their own sexuality onto somebody else is beyond the capacity of most people it seems.



CrinklyCrustacean
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13 Aug 2010, 4:19 am

hyperlexian wrote:
whether or not you agree with it, unwanted sexual attention is sexual harassment by definition. therefore if you knowingly do it anyways, it is not a wrongful accusation... ?t is a RIGHTFUL ONE.


Yes, but ONLY IF the person flirting knows that it is unwanted, and therein lies the problem. The boy sees a girl he likes and flirts with her. Then the girl decides she doesn't want it so she calls it sexual harrassment even though the boy didn't know. That's not harrassment, that's bad luck.



hale_bopp
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13 Aug 2010, 5:46 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
whether or not you agree with it, unwanted sexual attention is sexual harassment by definition. therefore if you knowingly do it anyways, it is not a wrongful accusation... ?t is a RIGHTFUL ONE.


Yes, but ONLY IF the person flirting knows that it is unwanted, and therein lies the problem. The boy sees a girl he likes and flirts with her. Then the girl decides she doesn't want it so she calls it sexual harrassment even though the boy didn't know. That's not harrassment, that's bad luck.


You summed it up well there.
But you don't know that its the case with John is blind.



CrinklyCrustacean
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13 Aug 2010, 7:03 am

hale_bopp wrote:
You summed it up well there.
But you don't know that its the case with John is blind.

No I don't, but it's how I interpreted John's original post.



hyperlexian
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13 Aug 2010, 12:28 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:
What I find excruciatingly annoying is the assumption that I must have done SOMETHING wrong. The notion that men are ever misunderstood or that somebody could project their own sexuality onto somebody else is beyond the capacity of most people it seems.

women are also misconstrued, and accused of sexual harassment.

but really, nothing is being misconstrued if you are attracted to someone, and you violate her/his personal boundaries. it's true that you cannot always know when you have done this. that is why you are usually given warnings or are told that your behavior is not acceptable. but if you continue anyway, it can lead to repercussions or sanctions.

you haven't clarified what you did, exactly. we didn't read the whole story. if it was the situation with your sister's party, we can't hope to undertand the situation without any details.

i.e. what were their ages? and your age at the time? was it the first time you were accused of inappropriateness by this group of girls or by your sister? what exactly did you say, and what did the girls say? were you standing or sitting close to any of them, or touching them? were there any other males present?

that's all i can think of off the top of my head. it is important to know the circumstances of the situation before we could agree or disagree about it being a wrongful accusation.


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hale_bopp
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13 Aug 2010, 6:40 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:
What I find excruciatingly annoying is the assumption that I must have done SOMETHING wrong.


The reason for that is you are evading our questions.



League_Girl
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13 Aug 2010, 8:25 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:
What I find excruciatingly annoying is the assumption that I must have done SOMETHING wrong. The notion that men are ever misunderstood or that somebody could project their own sexuality onto somebody else is beyond the capacity of most people it seems.


People who don't even bother to explain means they did something wrong and they don't want to admit it.



Sionis
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13 Aug 2010, 9:44 pm

No and I never, EVER, want to be.