Could an Aspie and a person with BPD date successfully?

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i had a friend who i suspect has BPD. i have to emphasize this. she was a subtly abusive friend and it took me forever to figure it out. and i could not talk to her about anything wrong - she would pin me to something i didn't say, or say "fine. you want to end the friendship then?" eventually the answer was yes.

all the dramatic stuff that she did was seen as a reaction to something i did, and i never had any idea what. she also had magical thinking bordering on delusional beliefs, and would not listen to anyone who said she was being irrational. (a guy who was having sex with her periodically but had little to do with her the rest of the time was her soul mate. the book she was writing was going to turn her overnight into the next j.k. rowling.) she hated every guy i had any interest in and acted jealously if i had any other friends. she would act terribly, then punish me for it.

there is only so much of being hung up on, lashed out at, given the silent treatment etc. one person can take. i was never happier to have someone out of my life.


but i doubt this is the only scenario. the aspie logic could balance out the overemotional behavior. there have been other threads on the topic and people say that. and there was one very good thing about her: she was completely straightforward about what she was feeling and thinking (it just made no sense). and she would indulge whatever i was interested in because she had obsessions of her own. her obsessions would completely engulf her personality though, so there was no way of knowing what would set her off.

i have comorbid asperger syndrome and borderline personality disorder. 'nuff said.

what do you mean by nuff said? does this make sense or have i offended you?

sorry, if i have.

not at all. i'm just saying that i have a combination of problems which make me very difficult to handle. when i read your post it made me sad because i don't like thinking about how difficult i can be for other people. but i am.

oh jeez. sorry.

i can relate to this painful position to be in even if i don't understand the exact problems.

if it helps, i think having self awareness makes a huge difference - the difference between a trait or problem being tolerable and not. the difference between someone walking away and helping. so you are better off than my friend was. i wish you well.

oh no, that's okay. don't worry! i didn't have my feelings hurt or anything. i just sometimes wish the BPD wasn't true for me, you know? it has a terrible stigma (rightly so). i'm actually starting a kind of therapy called Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), which should be of some help in handling stuff too.

it also helps for me to remember it's not my fault, if that makes sense. just like asperger syndrome is not my fault. i just have to try to function as well as i can with the cards i've been dealt. they are a fact of my existence but they don't define me.

i didn't mean to make you feel bad. you were just honestly expressing your experience with an erratic person who likely had BPD!

This is kinda why I don't want it to be BPD, because I don't want her to feel like she's difficult for other people. I feel like this sometimes, it's not fun. I've just learned to know what's the real her and what is not the real her, however I can't ever say anything that might be true but portray her in a "bad light." as she'll think I think that and it'll be the end.

Like one time I was using an analogy to explain that if a guy dumped her for a shallow reason such as she has funny birthmarks (however my analogy was more NSFW lol) that I'd give him a swift kick in the butt. She immediately took it as that's what I thought, and nearly wanted to end our friendship until I explained myself.

Another time she basically put in my own mouth that I called her fat. She's suffered from self-esteem issues and gaining 100 lbs in just about a year or two. I said something about how it's the facts, when she was 14 she weight 140 lbs, now she's 17 and weighs over 200 lbs. Again, took it as I thought she was fat (not at all, I think she's just perfect the way she is).

oh yeah, i can TOTALLY relate. i am extremely sensitive about even the most gently-worded comments. i oscillate between being hurt by people's statements and blaming myself for being oversensitive.

my shrink taught me to react a little better - he showed me how to accept my own feelings as valid, express them, and move on. but it takes a lot of self-monitoring.

Her mom told her about BPD yesterday, so if she is diagnosed with it, hopefully she can learn to react a little better too. For now I've learned not to say anything that might portray her as bad, even if I don't mind or don't think that specific thought as bad.