For stright guys. Are you ever asked if your gay?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Aug 2010, 1:06 pm

Where I live , man with no gf/fiance/wife/partner/fwd-girls = gay , so in the eyes of the society I am soon to be gay despite my heterosexuality.

...and gays are not treated that well here.



Bataar
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26 Aug 2010, 8:28 pm

I've never been asked, but I wouldn't be surprised if people thought it. I'm the only unmarried, heterosexual person in my extended family who's over the age of 24. Not only am I not married, but I've never had a girlfriend or any kind of relationship with a female at any time in my life.



SaxNerd
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27 Aug 2010, 4:12 am

I'm currently in high school, so I get asked this question a lot. I actually have no idea of my sexuality, as I've never really been attracted to anyone.

I find it annoying when I get asked, I usually answer back ny saying "Why, are you?" -Sometimes it works, sometimes it backfires.


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ZakFiend
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27 Aug 2010, 7:44 am

Many of us have a reduced need to be around people and in fact many of us do not like being around people so we are reserved/anxious and defensive because it stresses us out and people take our behaviour for not being interested in the opposite sex or being gay.

Some of us also have difficulty because our need to be alone outweights our desire for relationships with other people, that is the major one I think. Many aspies although like the idea of being with other people, can only handle it for short periods of time, and many aspies don't really want or need social lives, we would be perfectly content if we could find an opposite sex partner just like ourselves but that is rare to find someone who does not want or is involved in social life in some way.

Many of us have a penchant for a kind of hermitude, only because of our tug of war between our wanting to be alone and not be stressed out. People stress us out but also bring good feelings so we are constantly at war with ourselves, oftentimes it's easier just to not do anything and avoid the stress of being outgoing.



nick007
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27 Aug 2010, 9:34 am

It may also be cuz some of us like me are overly sensitive sometimes. I'm an HSP(Highly Sensitive Person) & HSP guys tend to be labeled as gay cuz straight guys are not supposed to be sensitive. Also when I was in high-school lots of guys in my PE class thought I was gay because I said stuff in conversations that wasn't quite rite. Guy's would ask me questions & I would say stuff trying to be funny or sound kewl but I didn't quite understand or say the rite way & they thought I was gay. Aspies can also have some immature interest; I like pop music for example & 27 year old guys who listen to underage singers are thought to be gay if they aren't labeled as pedophiles. It also has to do with the kinds of women I like offline. I tend to be more attracted to women who are gay & I don't realize it. Someone joked that I like women who look like prepubescent boys. I didn't think looks had anything to do with it; I liked their personality


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ale
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27 Aug 2010, 10:32 pm

Yes, I had many times, btw the label asexual is ussually more used 4 me (as i'm 17 and have had no girlfriends). actually, i'm bi (i'd say 65 to women-35% to men)



n4mwd
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27 Aug 2010, 10:33 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Where I live , man with no gf/fiance/wife/partner/fwd-girls = gay , so in the eyes of the society I am soon to be gay despite my heterosexuality.

...and gays are not treated that well here.


I had a temp job in East Tennessee for about 2 years, That's exactly what it was like there. Exactly.

One time I had to take a cab home from the airport. The driver was very friendly and asked if I would sit in the front. We started shooting the bull and then he says something like "So how about you, how many kids do you have?" I just answered "None, I'm not married." Then he scooted over as far away from me as he could without falling out of the car and he never said another word to me the whole trip.

Another time, I went to get life insurance at a company and they insisted that I get an aids test first because I was single with no kids.

While I'm not gay, I think the discrimination up there is contemptible.



Aspinator
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29 Aug 2010, 4:19 pm

That has happened to me alot; I'm 54yo and I am physically fit but I am not interested in women. I find it repulsive that some men like to talk about a women's
genitalia. I went through that same phase but I was 13 or 14 at the time but I guess others never grow out of it. I live in the rural South. Not being married, living by myself and not dating makes makes me the butt (no pun intended) of other's jokes. I find my dogs preferable to most people. My mantra is from an old Charlie
Daniel"s song; "If you don't like this life I'm living, you just leave this long haired country boy alone" (although I don't have long hair)



Eldanesh
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29 Aug 2010, 5:47 pm

Yes, because my answer to "do you think she is hot" usually sounds something like "I don't know I haven't met her yet"



kiwi
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29 Aug 2010, 6:31 pm

For gay guys... Ever asked if you were straight?

arh yes... interesting...


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fitz05
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29 Aug 2010, 7:26 pm

kiwi wrote:
For gay guys... Ever asked if you were straight?


Heh, yes... usually by ladies. It does seem to be as awkward as a straight guy being asked if he is gay by another guy... For me the awkwardness stems not from being mistaken for being straight, but through trying to explain without sounding like a cliché/ idiot/ prick.



MrEGuy
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29 Aug 2010, 11:44 pm

Every straight autistic guy goes through this crap. It's par for the course.

I took it especially hard when I was a teenager. There was a girl in my grade that was very hard fought over when I was in ninth grade. When I say fought over, I mean this boiled over into me throwing one of the many competitors hard into the ground during gym class because he was intent on taking his frustrations out on me.

The s**t situation of it was she liked me over any of them and would not give them the time of day. And of course I was 14 and an undiagnosed aspie. Which means even with signals I understood, it was exceedingly hard for me to get what was going on. After all, why would a cute girl on the tennis team show any interest in my scruffy, geeky self? It just didn't tally up for me, even if the girl was doing everything except asking me out.

The sad thing is, I still feel awful for how I treated girls at that age. I knew several who liked me a lot. One girl got so pissed she literally drew me a diagram explaining it to me. And of course, being an aspie, such emotional outbursts from girls who liked me only confused and scared the s**t out of me more! "I like you" is hard enough. "I like you" plus "I hate you" . . . so far outside my emotional range that I usually just slyly slid along without doing much.

Well, use your imagination as to what the other 14 y.o. guys decided this meant about me, right?

Worse, I had a reputation for being a bit outspoken and a bit of a risk taker. So, of course if the outspoken risk taker isn't go after the girls, he must be supergay, right?



kiwi
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30 Aug 2010, 4:46 am

fitz05 wrote:
kiwi wrote:
For gay guys... Ever asked if you were straight?


Heh, yes... usually by ladies. It does seem to be as awkward as a straight guy being asked if he is gay by another guy... For me the awkwardness stems not from being mistaken for being straight, but through trying to explain without sounding like a cliché/ idiot/ prick.


And what do you tell the ladies?


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PlatedDrake
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30 Aug 2010, 1:39 pm

When going through middle school (and some high school), I kept getting asked that question, and the one thing in my mind was, "Ok, what's the importance of whether I am or not . . . what the hell is it any?" Took me a while to finally understand what they implying, and of course I didn't really care since I was more interested in my math homework and BattleTech. I did kinda date a few times (opposite sex, and I've always gotten aroused when it comes to ladies), but nothing that made it to "first kiss" and whatnot. Like I always felt something was missing intellectually . . . something you wanted to do, but once achieved, what then? Over time, I just ignored hormonal needs and focused entirely on academics. Hell, I just found out that my grandmother her daughter (aunt) thought I was gay, but I just lacked interest or knowledge of what I'm looking for/needing (both of which are still unknown to me to this day). Assumption should be labeled as the 8th sin lol.



Koerner
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30 Aug 2010, 2:22 pm

I dated when I was in high school, it was a disaster. I dated someone who would attempt to physically hit me however I was faster/tougher than her whatever. After six months into the relationship she assaulted her family. Since then I had been more selective about trying to date women and usually by the time the evaluation period is over they consider me just a friend or confess that they thought I was gay. Typically following such a rejection I tend to isolate heavily, or when my friends bring up my previous attempts I start isolating again. It's just a cycle that keeps repeating itself because I attempt to be normal. It's odd when I get hit on by men though, but Minnesota is very accepting of openly gay men. Especially on craigslist and various gay bars in the downtown area. I am not sure how many popular gay bars are called "Ticklers".

I am heterosexual, tried going to a strip club once but I didn't really know what I was doing except cheering for my friends to have fun. While there a stripper practically tripped and fell into my arms before I paid any attention to her. The strippers usually are not too happy with people that don't like to get lap dances or sit in front of the stripper pole. Ironically my friends know I am not gay, but state that I have a tendency to be attracted to what they refer to as crazy women.



nthach
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30 Aug 2010, 5:20 pm

Koerner wrote:
I dated when I was in high school, it was a disaster. I dated someone who would attempt to physically hit me however I was faster/tougher than her whatever. After six months into the relationship she assaulted her family. Since then I had been more selective about trying to date women and usually by the time the evaluation period is over they consider me just a friend or confess that they thought I was gay. Typically following such a rejection I tend to isolate heavily, or when my friends bring up my previous attempts I start isolating again. It's just a cycle that keeps repeating itself because I attempt to be normal. It's odd when I get hit on by men though, but Minnesota is very accepting of openly gay men. Especially on craigslist and various gay bars in the downtown area. I am not sure how many popular gay bars are called "Ticklers".

I am heterosexual, tried going to a strip club once but I didn't really know what I was doing except cheering for my friends to have fun. While there a stripper practically tripped and fell into my arms before I paid any attention to her. The strippers usually are not too happy with people that don't like to get lap dances or sit in front of the stripper pole. Ironically my friends know I am not gay, but state that I have a tendency to be attracted to what they refer to as crazy women.

My rules for strip clubs:

1. Unless someone is offering to pay or you have a "VIP" pass, don't go.
2. Don't get a lap dance unless one of your friends/buddies/boss/coworkers pays for it
3. Drinks=overpriced.