Do guys make too big of a deal about sex?

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because it feels like so many rush into it. i see women sleep with prick guys, when they could be sleeping with me lol.

it would seem, the people who are smarter, and in the end more valuable humans, end up without people surrounding them. which is both good and bad.

good for the fact that their work becomes their main drive in life, and they produce simply amazing things to express themselves emotionally and sexually, and bad for the fact they have a much harder time getting women regardless of talent.

it would seem sexist of me to say, but sometimes i feel that women love confident men simply for the confidence. and ignore the rest.

im sometimes confident, but when i show respect and humility, i get nothing. and when i treat them like dirt they love me. what the f**k.

Sex is way too overrated by the media, if you are a virgin stay that way: for example if you choose to indulge in such repulsive behavior you just might catch a disease.

Most of which are treatable. Not to mention I've known a girl who had been with 37 guys and only had one STD and it was one of the minor ones. I also know two guys who've lost count and haven't had a problem. One of which has had sex with at least 5 girls in 3 months.

The more you have sex the more likely you might catch one that is untreatable/not curable like AIDS.

Well, if sex is repulsive then the media is definitely overrating it.

You'll rarely find an accurate description of anything in the media. Sex is neither repulsive (unless you're asexual, frigid or traumatised in some way) or this incredible experience that has to change everything. It's just natural behaviour and can get better or worse depending on the circumstances. Unfortunately, it can also get such a "mythical" dimension when it turns into the forbidden fruit. For most people, once they've become sexually active, experimented a little and achieved a certain level of sexual maturity it just becomes a normal part of life - an important one, but not the most important one. There are of course exceptions.

And by the way, if you behave responsibly and take good care of yourself you'll have more chances to get AIDS in a hospital that through intercourse. I've never had an STD or bought a pregnancy test in my life. I know plenty of others who didn't.

Well if sex is important. But not the most important thing. Help me put it into perspective. Like something that could almost allow me to visualize its place in the scheme of things. Thanks.

It's a bit difficult because I think the place will vary from one person to another. I also suspect that as a woman I see it in a different light anyway. For instance, if my husband would become an invalid and could never have sex again, I'd still want to spend my life with him because he makes me happy in many other ways.

I've asked hubby about it last night and he basically told me that as a teenager and in his early '20s he was willing to pursue almost any woman if he thought he could get sex. In his late '20s and early '30s he would still get sexual thoughts when he saw a young/healthy/attractive woman, but would not necessarily pursue her - when you're sexually active and have sex often enough not to have hormones raging all the time, your standards start to change. These days, if he's engrossed in something he really likes or one of us is not in the mood it's not a big deal - but it's probably a lot easier to pass the opportunity knowing it will become available again soon enough. But once the urge is less pressing, sex is not prerequisite to feel good - for instance if we spent a week or so apart, sex will not be the first thing we want to do - it can be a nice way to end the evening, but said evening can still be great without it.

I'm not sure how much this helps - I think for some men here the problem is that this important part of their life is never or rarely satisfied for reasons they can't control, so they don't have the chance to achieve sexual balance and maturity.

I'm glad your able to see that. A lot of people have the smug belief that anybody can get laid and it really makes me feel upset.

And the thing about how you could be with your husband even if he couldn't give you sex is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for in terms of evaluating how important sex is.

And it's an extremely important thing for me to hear also because I don't have the physical ability to have sex. (although I can do other things)

But you still get the urges? Is there anything a doctor could do to help you reduce your testosterone levels? To be blunt, this narrows your chances to get a partner, but it's not impossible. I was convinced I'll never get married because I was unable to share my personal space with someone else more than 3 days in a row (I know it's not the same)



Women will get upset when they see some men making hateful generalisations based on subjective experience - especially if they don't even have much experience to begin with. Some women do the same and it's just as annoying - I'm often seen as "anti-feminist" and "not one of the sisters" because I don't put up with it.

You know, there are famous examples of men like Van Gogh or Toulouse Lautrec (he was physically "deformed", but rich) who were stunted like this - no woman ever loved them and only prostitutes would accept them. I've read several books about them and have an idea about how much they suffered, but I'm glad they both left a world of beauty behind them. Unfortunately, most valuable things in life are achieved through suffering.

Well I guess you have me confused. These men "suffered" because of their lack of sex? Or was there lack of companionship?

Both - going to a prostitute once a blue moon (only when you feel you'll explode or something) will not be very satisfying - soon enough the urges will be back with a vengeance. Van Gogh couldn't afford anything but a very cheap one anyway - the experience was sordid and made him feel awfully guilty and dirty. Lautrec had to deal with the instinctive reaction of disgust towards his body - imagine how good the sex will be when you're fully aware the partner is repulsed by you...

That's sad and it looks like you are able to empathize with these guys. which I think is cool. I don't personally know if it is as bad as you make it sound. I really hope not, but if it is, then it sounds like its something that is a "big deal".

I feel like I should try to psychoanalyze you. Tell me about your father....lol... just kidding....but i'm curious.

In another thread, there's a man who can't get a girlfriend comparing not getting sex
to a woman being GANG RAPED,
if that tells you anything.

What really made it so bad was not just the lack of sex, but that plus with the isolation, rejection, lack of love - I think these were making them suffer a lot more.



Lol - why? Because I'm not as judgemental and hateful as others? That's always a choice, you know. I've had a sh***y childhood and an abusive father - I grew out of it. As I said, nothing of worth comes easy or free.

It sounds like he is trying to say, unartfully that, not having sex is one of the worst things that can happen to a person.

Would you rather have zero sex in life. Or be raped once and have a normal sex life?