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How to improve your chances with women.

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hyperlexian
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25 Nov 2010, 12:51 pm

nilescrane wrote:
He's referring to women that just talk to an emotionally weak guy and only associate with him to talk about all her problems since he listens and understands like a woman. He's not talking about two mutual friends where there's genuine respect and possible chemistry.

The problem with a lot of socially inept guys is that they listen to the woman's problems thinking "I can be better than the guy she's complaining about."

this doesn't really make sense. are the people friends or not? the woman would clearly think they are friends. if the man is not able to be friends with her, then the last thing he should be seeking is a relationship with her. being supportive to her when she has boyfriend troubles is a good thing, not a bad thing.


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Harpist
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25 Nov 2010, 6:00 pm

Kilroy wrote:
Harpist wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
7.)If a woman that you aren't dating or sleeping with is telling you about her problems, it means that you're essentially in the friend zone. She views you as understanding like one of her female friends. If you sense she's just using you for a shoulder to cry on, a cab, etc., just cut her off. No explanation necessary. If it's a true friend but you find her bringing her problems to you, tell her simply "Maybe you should be talking to one of your girl friends about this." She will respect you and treat you like a potential dating interest.


The other points all make sense, but this one I don't understand at all. If she trusts me enough to tell me about her problems, then surely that's a good thing? Why would it mean I'm in the friend zone?

And why should I turn away a true friend that comes to me for emotional support? I wouldn't see that as respect worthy, I'd see that as thouroughly immature and unfriendly. Why would anyone want to go out with a partner who isn't willing or able to provide emotional support when it is needed?

I don't understand this!


because you're not her friend you're a sponge, GET OUT OF THERE!! !
if you are in the friend zone, you will NEVER EVER date her, trust me


Huh?! How on Earth does providing someone with emotional support make me a sponge instead of a friend?! I wouldn't be friends with someone to sponge off her! Friends support each other, and look out for each other and want each other to feel good, so I'd be there if a friend needed emotional support. Simple as. Not being there for friends would be immature and would mean I'm not their friend in the first place.

A guy can be a friend to a girl without some stupid alterior motive of getting in a relationship with her!



Kilroy
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25 Nov 2010, 6:04 pm

do any of you actually read the 2 explanations of the friend zone on this page?!
do you?!
or are you just in your white knight rage or something?

I'll say it again
friendship isn't the same as the friend zone

the friend zone is a manipulative situation masked as friendship, where as friendship-is friendship
I am sick and god damn tired of explaining it over and over again
for f**k sakes read the page!



katzefrau
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25 Nov 2010, 6:46 pm

Kilroy wrote:
the friend zone is a manipulative situation masked as friendship


yes it is. apparently it is when a man is only indulging a woman as a friend incase she decides to sleep with him and if he discovers she has no such intentions he feels cheated and hits the road.


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Kilroy
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25 Nov 2010, 6:48 pm

basically yes



hyperlexian
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25 Nov 2010, 6:51 pm

Kilroy wrote:
do any of you actually read the 2 explanations of the friend zone on this page?!
do you?!
or are you just in your white knight rage or something?

I'll say it again
friendship isn't the same as the friend zone

the friend zone is a manipulative situation masked as friendship, where as friendship-is friendship
I am sick and god damn tired of explaining it over and over again
for f**k sakes read the page!

calm down there, cowboy. :P

i get what you're saying about friendzone, but i don't get why anyone would want to be in a relationship with a manipulative woman as described, nor why any man would be manipulative as to pretend to care about a woman's problems just to try to sleep with her. both of those types sound like lost causes, and do not need a helping hand or advice.

the rest of the world is populated by people with more integrity.


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Harpist
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25 Nov 2010, 7:31 pm

katzefrau wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
the friend zone is a manipulative situation masked as friendship


yes it is. apparently it is when a man is only indulging a woman as a friend incase she decides to sleep with him and if he discovers she has no such intentions he feels cheated and hits the road.


Wait, what? I've probably been pushed into the friendzone at some point I'd imagine, but I would never treat any women like that. If I'm friends with someone it's because I enjoy their company and want to spend time with them, not because I want to sleep with them! I see no difference between friendship and friendzone...



Kilroy
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25 Nov 2010, 7:33 pm

well there is a difference and I told you why
its not up for debate here, you can't argue the definition of something



emlion
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25 Nov 2010, 7:36 pm

of course you can.
people define things in different ways!
my definition of love is probably different to yours!



Harpist
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25 Nov 2010, 7:37 pm

Kilroy wrote:
well there is a difference and I told you why
its not up for debate here, you can't argue the definition of something


But...you didn't tell me why, really...your definition of friendzone doesn't match my behaviour when I've been pushed into friendzone...



hyperlexian
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25 Nov 2010, 7:41 pm

Harpist wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
well there is a difference and I told you why
its not up for debate here, you can't argue the definition of something


But...you didn't tell me why, really...your definition of friendzone doesn't match my behaviour when I've been pushed into friendzone...

Harpist, i think it involves some people's assessment of cost-benefit analysis. they consider what they are getting out of it, not what they are giving to someone as a friend. from reading the responses, i disagree with the entire idea of friendzone being a bad thing unless a person is impatient or selfish .clearly, you are not like that, and i think that is a good thing.


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Kilroy
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25 Nov 2010, 7:41 pm

I am not here to match other people's definitions
if your so curious go look it up



franisco
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25 Nov 2010, 10:28 pm

This whole friend zone nonsense is nonsense

Had an excellent friendship with a girl whom I had real good chemistry with. One of my favorite people to talk to. It was real hard to not want more than friendship from her but I kept telling myself to be patient. A friend of mine told me that she was just using me for emotional support and what not. I started ruminating on all that. She texted me asking if I could do her a favor and I just had a total breakdown and accused her of using me and what not. She thinks Im an as*hole now and never talks to me and I dont blame her. Thinking back on the situation she never used me for anything and I was really just frustrated at other people who had been using me with a bunch of friend zone nonsense in my head



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25 Nov 2010, 10:42 pm

franisco wrote:
This whole friend zone nonsense is nonsense

Had an excellent friendship with a girl whom I had real good chemistry with. One of my favorite people to talk to. It was real hard to not want more than friendship from her but I kept telling myself to be patient. A friend of mine told me that she was just using me for emotional support and what not. I started ruminating on all that. She texted me asking if I could do her a favor and I just had a total breakdown and accused her of using me and what not. She thinks Im an as*hole now and never talks to me and I dont blame her. Thinking back on the situation she never used me for anything and I was really just frustrated at other people who had been using me with a bunch of friend zone nonsense in my head


Agreed.


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techstepgenr8tion
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25 Nov 2010, 10:55 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
franisco wrote:
This whole friend zone nonsense is nonsense

Had an excellent friendship with a girl whom I had real good chemistry with. One of my favorite people to talk to. It was real hard to not want more than friendship from her but I kept telling myself to be patient. A friend of mine told me that she was just using me for emotional support and what not. I started ruminating on all that. She texted me asking if I could do her a favor and I just had a total breakdown and accused her of using me and what not. She thinks Im an as*hole now and never talks to me and I dont blame her. Thinking back on the situation she never used me for anything and I was really just frustrated at other people who had been using me with a bunch of friend zone nonsense in my head


Agreed.


@franisco

If she wasn't using you and you listened to too many other people, just take this as a learning experience to trust your own judgment over other people's. If she was then stop beating yourself up over it, you didn't do anything wrong.



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25 Nov 2010, 10:58 pm

My two cents:

1. While being depressed all the time probably isn't very attractive, depression is going to happen at some point. If it isn't about lack of a relationship, it's going to be about something else. Nobody is happy 100% of the time, and nobody is 100% emotionally self-sufficient. For all we know, someone could have PTSD, or some other situation that affects one's personality.

2. Not all women are attracted to the same type of guy, which is what I think is being implied here. Also, physical appearance can be affected by medical problems, which can be at no fault of the person wanting a relationship. So we can't assume it's because the person neglects hygiene or physical fitness.

3. Men are perfectly allowed to have standards, just as much as women are. And the things that are stated that would be unattractive in a man (depression, having "nothing to offer", etc.), wouldn't they be just as unattractive if a woman had those?


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