Rejected again, I don't know how guys do it

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Thanks for the replies guys. I know people get rejected, and that's something I just have to deal with. What hurts is being rejected 100% of the time. When you have asked many girls out, including some you have known for a while and some you haven't and all have said no for one reason or another, it does make one feel below other guys who can get a yes even once in a while. I work with girls but they are all taken. I have tried to act more like a bad guy but it never works because it's simply not who I am. I don't think I can ever change my personality away from being me because it sounds too forced. Yes, I compliment girls a lot because I like trying to make people feel good about themselves. It's a flaw and I know many take it as me putting her on a pedestal put that's just another part of who I am. Like I said, I'm beginning to be convinced that girls just don't respect who I am because I come off as someone with low self esteem, and a pushover, but since most of that is not going to change, like that girl said, there has to be some girls out there who like that in a guy. If not, I am going to have to somehow change which has proven to be quite difficult. If someone told me being this way would lead me to become a 27 year old who has never had a gf, I would have changed when I still more easily could have because loneliness hurts so much.

You're a virgin aren't you?

I used to sound soooooo much like you.

Have you tried doing what I suggested anyway? You you gain many more friends. Friends (real ones) help with lonliness.

Yes I feel like I'm not allowed to have hormones because they don't want me to in the friend zone.

Last edited by Quincy27 on 05 Dec 2010, 3:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

I can't really switch jobs right now. My workplace has a few women but like I said, they all have bf's and I don't think they want to see anymore of me than they have to. I tried for years at school but nothing happened.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFdp-oZeHgA[/youtube]

"I Know There Are Things About The Force That They're Not Telling Me"
-Anakin

They don't have to be at work or school - join clubs or meetup groups based around a common interest. I've been doing that with some results, although some of my groups have older people as well.

I get over it by saying "s**t happens, she ain't worth it anyway" then getting on with my life.

Also remember that you just got unlucky. Not all girls are like that one.

I've been rejected about 10 times thus far, but I can't say I care too much anymore.

You aren't going to believe this, but I'm giving this advice to you in similar dating circumstances. I think your problem is probably that you think a "girlfriend" is an accomplishment. I used to think the same way. I was the scrappy little league kid with a heart of gold who was battling the Yankees, "the more socially affluent", to win the world series championship of having a 'girlfriend'. And my dad was totally my bench coach.

A relationship isn't like that. It's a connection that really can't be described, a bond between two people. I was lucky enough to feel this once and it is a feeling no drug can replicate. It's not about booty calls, it's about holding hands, kissing cheeks and spending time together. And you know what? Most guys never get to feel this because they have been taught not to show empathy.

The good thing is that you are already ahead of not only most of the guys on this board, but also way out in front of most of the guys in real life. Think about it this way: You are told you have to change your "differences" to interact in day-to-day life. If you can learn to work a job and function normally over time, you can also learn to show empathy and develop social relationships. You can consciously choose to be empathic and considerate. You'll have to work at it though, but it is well worth the payoff and not as hard as some would like to believe.

As far as self esteem goes, a suggestion. Get yourself active doing something good for others. I'd recommend working with those with severe disabilities. You don't have to pity people with differences; in many ways, they face the same social problems you do for different reasons. Lack of cognitive skills should not prevent you from being friends with someone; I think some of us were there once.

One of my best friends last year was a kid in a wheelchair with some neurological issues. Many of the kids simply didn't notice when my friend needed help getting through doors, or when his wheelchair broke down. That's where I came in. He was also a bit socially awkward and almost always sat alone at the lunch table. I did the same thing. So I started sitting next to him when he ate. Not only will you have made a friend, you will have also helped someone who doesn't have a lot of social outlets, even if he is more 'severe' than you.

Mmmmmm.... One of the things you should NEVER do when you want to get a girlfriend is never to act bad, it just won't work, you'd be lucky if you did manage to get a girlfriend but the problem is, you would end up lying to your girlfriend about your personality and it would hurt a girl if they suddenly realise that you weren't the type of guy that you pretended to be, it depends how the girl would take it though.

Point no.2: I actually like the fact that you compliment a female to make them feel good about themselves and that will definitely give you good chances and being the good guy is also more likely to be in a more successful relationship which I have also noticed myself when I'm just being me when I was in one.

As where I have underlined, there is NO need to change your personality because from what you are telling me, I actually really like your personality already and I'm pretty sure you will get a girlfriend.
The confidence however just needs boosting and just enjoy what life comes at you and nobody is a failure.

Also you need to be happy with yourself for what you do, for who you are to get a girl to really like you just like that.


Is this any help to you by any chance?


- SBI. (coz im just so cool like).

Thanks and I appreciate your compliments, but I am not very confident in that right now. It's like they all want the same type of guy and it's not me.

No problem and let them go for the different guy but they will just miss out the opportunity with a great guy and I know this may take some time for a girl to come to you, but I can definitely guarantee you one thing, that the girl that likes you will come up to you, just for being who you are, the chances of the relationship lasting is very likely.

Sorry you ain't feeling very confident right now and I know that happening is like a knock down off your confidence but I future, if something like that happens, don't let it knock down your confidence just like that and keep hope and faith in yourself, that is what keeps you through.


- SBI.

If I had your positive attitude perhaps things would be different. So I'm not a challenge to get with. I won't play hard to get, or try to make her insecure. I'm very loyal and not the kind who would ever cheat. Easy to say now I know lol. Like I said, it's not just this one, it's the dozens of rejections over the recent years that have crushed me. Just one yes would help so much.

I'm actually kinda the same way but I realize that the sexual marketplace is shifted in favor of the "lover" rather than the "provider" so I chose to make the most of my personality traits and abilities to maximize the amount of pleasure I get out of life.

The earth has about 5 billion years of sunlight and each of us has about 30,000 or less days to live or so why should I waste my life trying to please the whims of someone who probably won't appreciate it or only sees me as someone to do favors for them.

So Quincy, what is your plan?

if people don't want prositutes, theres no point trying to convince them. If it works for you, do it, most people don't want that.

The whole thing is wrapped in games from top to bottom and its really difficult to tell how much of it is lax and how much of it is fundamental nature that can't be controlled. People tend to exploit what they believe they have in their pocket, that person really loved them and by the time they lose them they end up quite often going bitter over what they lost and to not make such brash mistakes often enough means that you'll be in the roll of watching the other person make stupid decisions with your own affection. I find myself being one of those odd guys who can't bring himself to chase sex for the sake of it as I can't find the value in it, I'm hoping the world has something out there for someone like me but if not I guess I'll deal with it.

I personally hope all of you guys have luck in sorting out what you're looking for and eventually getting to it, or otherwise finding out that you are best off single based on what's out there before you end up with a couple kids who you pen checks for and get to see maybe every couple weeks if that. Its fine if you're getting yours right now, no recommendations against that, just be sure to watch your back. I have a friend who was with a girl for seven years, their last few was a constant bout of breaking up and getting back together, they were already apart at a point where he ended up having a go with her - she'd always been on the pill, this time she wasn't, and a lot of people I know believe that she did this deliberately in an effort to keep him in her pocket. Seems a lot of decisions are out there to be made in your teens and twenties that you can spend the rest of your life regretting if you close your eyes or lose track for even a minute.