My boyfriend.... slapped me.

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Brianruns10
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05 Dec 2010, 2:54 pm

Slapping not only crosses the line, it leaps over it whilst spitting on it at the same time.

DTMFA, and if need be, get a restraining order and take some self defense courses.



Eldanesh
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05 Dec 2010, 3:05 pm

Have you ever slapped a guy?



mechanicalgirl39
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05 Dec 2010, 3:26 pm

LEAVE HIM NOW, the behaviour may very well lead to yet more abuse. Listen to the early warning and leave.

Slapping you was a breach of respect and decency. If he lacks the self control to show that little bit of respect for another human he probably lacks the self control to refrain from doing a lot worse. Severe abuse often starts small. So don't ever dismiss it as a one off.

You deserve better, now dump him.


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emlion
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05 Dec 2010, 4:32 pm

Eldanesh wrote:
Have you ever slapped a guy?


It's not the same - i've slapped an ex and we stayed together - but i'm nowhere near as strong as he is.
It was wrong, totally and he should have left me, but my slap isn't going to hurt him as much as his slaps hurt me.

I suppose it depends whether you see it as a respect issue or a actual physical issue. I think.



Eldanesh
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05 Dec 2010, 5:09 pm

I think legally they are both assault :wink:



emlion
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05 Dec 2010, 5:11 pm

Eldanesh wrote:
I think legally they are both assault :wink:


Very true. :)

But i'd much rather have a female than a male slap me, purely down to the fact he'll be stronger than her.

Ideally, no one would slap me, or anyone else. :lol:



Wallourdes
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05 Dec 2010, 5:27 pm

emlion wrote:
Eldanesh wrote:
I think legally they are both assault :wink:


Very true. :)

But i'd much rather have a female than a male slap me, purely down to the fact he'll be stronger than her.

Ideally, no one would slap me, or anyone else. :lol:


ImageImage

Are you sure? :lol:


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emlion
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05 Dec 2010, 5:29 pm

Okay, okay. :P
GENERALLY speaking. :lol:
In my day-to-day life men are much stronger than the women I encounter. Better? :)



Wallourdes
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05 Dec 2010, 5:33 pm

emlion wrote:
Okay, okay. :P
GENERALLY speaking. :lol:
In my day-to-day life men are much stronger than the women I encounter. Better? :)


yes :lol:


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05 Dec 2010, 5:59 pm

I would recommend leaving.

I once had a boyfriend who used a little violence on me just once and I didn't leave then. But much later even when the realtionship ended quite peacefully I felt somehow bad and insecure, because I hadn't left that time. After the violent moment I stated that he had to get some counceling on his emotional outbursts, but he never did. It was bad for my self-esteem, because I always thought I would leave in such situation, but I was too dependent, addicted to this relationship. I will never let such addiction happen again. (If he would have hit me, I would have hit back and felt less harmed, but the situation was that he wrongly accused me of infidelity and held me not letting me leave to another room and it seemed so close to getting raped by him. Although it didnt go that far, I felt really abused. Few years later thankfully it doesn't seem to have any more negative impact on me.)

And I have read that already abused women tend statistically more get abused again than those who don't have such history. It's something like the abusers choose victims by the insecurity generated by the first incident. I think there is good reason to do everything to feel in control of your life and doubting about leaving or not doesn't help for this.



hale_bopp
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05 Dec 2010, 6:05 pm

Wallourdes wrote:
ImageImage


I don't think anyone would see it as immoral if that guy slapped that woman. However, it would seem very abusive if she slapped him. It's more about the physically stronger people slapping the weak people thats immoral - just so happens usually the man is stronger.

(just my piece on the man slapping woman "double standard")



Eldanesh
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05 Dec 2010, 6:53 pm

I didn't realise morality had anything to do with the legal system, I thought this was a democracy :roll:



Shebakoby
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05 Dec 2010, 7:10 pm

Leave now. Seriously.



meems
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06 Dec 2010, 1:45 am

I slapped a teacher once. I stand by that decision though.

I can't leave now unless I want to live in a shelter for two weeks and leave all of my stuff behind.

He's not trying to stop me from leaving or telling me I shouldn't be mad at him. He said if I want to leave and don't want him here for the time that I can't leave, he can go stay at a friend's house. He swears it was an accident and that he feels horrible about it. We've been together for a year and he's never even yelled at me. It doesn't help that it's all become confusing because the circumstances made me confused about why he slapped me in the first place and everything just kind of became a blur because I curled up on the bed and started screaming into my pillow and he got on the bed beside me and was talking and I couldn't hear/wasn't listening to him.

I feel like an idiot for being in this situation but I feel like an idiot for not talking to him about it right away. I know I have PTSD from my last relationship and everything that happened but it seems like by now being completely drugged up should have had some impact on whether or not I have flashbacks and spaz out about things.



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06 Dec 2010, 2:08 am

He's got no excuse. Get away from him, for your safety and well being.



Todesking
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06 Dec 2010, 3:03 am

meems wrote:
I can't leave now unless I want to live in a shelter for two weeks and leave all of my stuff behind.

He's not trying to stop me from leaving or telling me I shouldn't be mad at him. He said if I want to leave and don't want him here for the time that I can't leave, he can go stay at a friend's house. He swears it was an accident and that he feels horrible about it. We've been together for a year and he's never even yelled at me. It doesn't help that it's all become confusing because the circumstances made me confused about why he slapped me in the first place and everything just kind of became a blur because I curled up on the bed and started screaming into my pillow and he got on the bed beside me and was talking and I couldn't hear/wasn't listening to him.


You want to get out of there before he seriously hurts you. A friend of mine sister got her orbital socket broken by her boyfriend for asking to see who her boyfriend was texting. When he broke her orbital socket it hurt for her to talk, chew, and turn her head then about a week or two later her swollen eye lid let out this dark nasty looking blood when she sat down hard on a wooden stool. Everytime he hit her he would cry and apologize too promising never to hit her again but he always beat her like he would a man. We had to wait for her boyfriend to go to work so we could mover her out safely. Once we moved her out she called her boyfriend's boss at work and told him what her boyfriend did to her and could he tell her boyfriend that she has moved out. She had to take the jerk to court to get her medical bills paid for. The doctor said the only time he sees injuries like she had is when someone goes through a car windshield durring a high speed impact. His boss fired him because of what he did to his girlfriend and his tempertantrums he had almost daily. He figured sooner or later he was going to beat up a co-worker. A man who beats the woman he loves is capable of beating anyone.


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