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How do you hit on women?

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wefunction
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08 Jan 2011, 11:12 am

deadeyexx wrote:
I try to talk to a woman as if we're already dating. Getting flirty and fresh early.

Keeps me from blowing it by overthinking.


I love this answer so much. This is really what works on me. It takes the pressure off of me to feel like I need to be on guard for a rude come-on line or that the encounter could be anything more than just a random, friendly flirtation. But it's important to close. You've got to ask for a name and number/email or trade business cards. You've got to get that contact information so it can go forward.

But until you feel comfortable approaching women in this way, maybe keep it as random, friendly flirtations. This will build up confidence. Just make sure that, at some point in all these practices, you start trying to close the deal.

The truth of it is that if a woman is attracted to you, she wants you to talk to her and, at that point, it's just a matter of not saying anything creepy or deranged that would ruin her hopes that you're Mr. Awesome. If you're yourself (assuming you aren't creepy or deranged normally), this won't be a problem. When nerves overwhelm someone, they can say weird things. Like the advice above: keep it cool and simple.

If you're concerned that women don't want to talk to you because they wouldn't be attracted to you, consult fashion magazines, websites, and people watch men in public to see what guys are wearing, what they're doing with their hair and how they're grooming facial hair. Do some updating, if it's necessary. We may not have a natural-born flair for fashion and style, but we can certainly learn it as a science and mimic looks that others are wearing. We can do the same thing our own way and receive the same great results.



quesonrias
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08 Jan 2011, 11:18 am

I think it depends on the woman. For me, I prefer that men keep things light and simple. A lot of intense focus that is solely directed at me keeps me from being able to process my thoughts, and I tend to freak out and run.


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Wombat
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09 Jan 2011, 5:20 am

I think we all know the answer here.

Guys who are good pick up artists have nerves of steel and a very thick skin.

It is like a door to door vacuum cleaner salesman. He knows that nine people out of ten will slam the door in his face but if he can keep doing it then he will sell a cleaner at every tenth house.

Most of us can't do that.



techstepgenr8tion
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09 Jan 2011, 1:35 pm

Grish, a couple more things I might add as specifics:

1) Liquid courage helps, unless you've been through a twelve step and to do so would be falling off the wagon.

2). If you do walk up to a couple women trying to strike up conversation and find that your getting very terse one or two word answers and cold stares, after saying two or three things smile pleasantly but assertively, say "Enjoy your evening" with enough warmth that they won't take it as sarcasm (perhaps a note of paternal patrony at the worst), and be off.



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09 Jan 2011, 3:45 pm

Quote:
1) Liquid courage helps...


I'm not sure that's such a good idea in my case, I might say something like "Hi, I really like your bracelet, I thought you might like to know more about the cryptocrystalline forms of quartz that are commonly found in the Mojave desert" or something equally lame.

I'm not kidding, those sorts of thoughts flash through my head when I see a woman wearing semi-precious stones.

A little liquor on top of my anxiety and they might leak out through my mouth... :wink:



Homer_Bob
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09 Jan 2011, 3:51 pm

For me I've learned that you shouldn't just hit on someone you like and right out and say things like "I think you're hot". You simply need to find a time to have a conversation and take it one step at a time. When you feel comfortable enough that's when you take things further. That's how I am going to go about it, find the person I like and simply find a place I can talk to her. It's certainly going to be a challenge but I feel that's the only way to do it.


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09 Jan 2011, 10:48 pm

Grisha wrote:
I might say something like "Hi, I really like your bracelet, I thought you might like to know more about the cryptocrystalline forms of quartz that are commonly found in the Mojave desert" or something equally lame.

I think that would be pretty charming, actually, unless it was followed by a speech. ;)



quesonrias
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09 Jan 2011, 10:54 pm

Grisha wrote:
Quote:
1) Liquid courage helps...


I'm not sure that's such a good idea in my case, I might say something like "Hi, I really like your bracelet, I thought you might like to know more about the cryptocrystalline forms of quartz that are commonly found in the Mojave desert" or something equally lame.

I'm not kidding, those sorts of thoughts flash through my head when I see a woman wearing semi-precious stones.

A little liquor on top of my anxiety and they might leak out through my mouth... :wink:


Hahaha! Well if she's an Aspie, that just might work. :D


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If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
RAADS-R: 187.0
Language: 15.0 • Social Relatedness: 81.0 • Sensory/Motor: 52.0 • Circumscribed Interests: 40.0

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Grisha
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09 Jan 2011, 10:54 pm

bee33 wrote:
Grisha wrote:
I might say something like "Hi, I really like your bracelet, I thought you might like to know more about the cryptocrystalline forms of quartz that are commonly found in the Mojave desert" or something equally lame.

I think that would be pretty charming, actually, unless it was followed by a speech. ;)


Thanks!

Generally speaking, speeches don't follow, but by then the damage is already done...



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10 Jan 2011, 2:52 pm

cmjust0 wrote:
Grisha wrote:
... I have NEVER hit on a woman, ever, ... It just seems so inappropriate and rude, and quite frankly, creepy, to even consider.


Which is to say that you'd feel you were acting inappropriately, or rudely, or being creepy if you were to even *approach* a woman you didn't know.. That actually sounds to me like pretty classic self-esteem issues, and that could be your whole problem to begin with.. Look...if you're sitting across a table from a woman and you don't feel like you deserve to be there, or if you feel like your very presence is an imposition to her, or that she's doing you a favor somehow, she'll find someone else to spend her time with. Period.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and figure that the very idea of an attractive woman actually wanting *you* to approach her out of the blue and express interest in her isn't something you can get fully your head around, so you don't even try.. Instead, you justify your refusal to participate in that particular social experience by acting as if you're doing women a favor by not exposing them to something so uncultured....

Does that sound about right?

If so, guess what...as crude and barbaric as it may sound to you, women dig it.

Yep.. For the most part, women like to be noticed and have attention paid to them, and if they're single, they don't mind for a semi-normal guy to look them in the eyes and smile and try to make a little smalltalk -- even if it's a bit awkward.. I know that's probably distrurbing to you because it kinda removes the one big justification you had for not doing it, but that doesn't make it any less true. They dig it, and if you don't do it, you're NOT doing them any favors...you're just screwing yourself out of opportunities and, frankly, they couldn't care less. You're not on 'the high road' here, friend...you're in the ditch.

Try this.. Next time you see an attractive woman that you think you might *eventually* want to be able to approach and talk to, keep glancing at her until she notices that you're glancing at her.. When she notices, just grin a little bit and look away.. You're trying to make it obvious that you *know* she just caught you eyeballing her..

Then just wait and kinda keep her in the corner of your eye.. She'll look at you again. She may even mimic what you just did if you catch her looking at you..

You don't have to do anything beyond that if you don't want to, but that should be enough to give you at least some indication that..yeah..maybe women *do* wanna be 'bothered' like that.


:thumright:



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10 Jan 2011, 4:09 pm

Grisha wrote:
bee33 wrote:
Grisha wrote:
I might say something like "Hi, I really like your bracelet, I thought you might like to know more about the cryptocrystalline forms of quartz that are commonly found in the Mojave desert" or something equally lame.

I think that would be pretty charming, actually, unless it was followed by a speech. ;)


Thanks!

Generally speaking, speeches don't follow, but by then the damage is already done...


Hey brother - I know exactly how you feel. In fact, everything you've said in this thread could have come from my own keyboard. I'll be monitoring this thread with much hope for more advice.

Best of luck!



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10 Jan 2011, 4:28 pm

Whack 'em with a 2 by 4.

This isn't allowed anymore, but back in the day, it was perfectly acceptable. Then you dragged them off to the cave to tidy it up and maybe put some flowers in a vase when they come to.


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10 Jan 2011, 4:30 pm

Moog wrote:
Whack 'em with a 2 by 4.

This isn't allowed anymore, but back in the day it was perfectly acceptable, and then you dragged them off to the cave to tidy it up and maybe put some flowers in a vase when they come to.


Hey, that sounds like my Saturday nights. 8)



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10 Jan 2011, 5:36 pm

bee33 wrote:
Grisha wrote:
I might say something like "Hi, I really like your bracelet, I thought you might like to know more about the cryptocrystalline forms of quartz that are commonly found in the Mojave desert" or something equally lame.

I think that would be pretty charming, actually, unless it was followed by a speech. ;)


I would melt into a little puddle of happy goo if a man said that to me! I'm a major chem geek...



echobackwards
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10 Jan 2011, 7:51 pm

I know it is hard but if you want to hit on a woman you have to make contact and then have about 4-7 seconds of intense eye contact! no more and no less. This simple step will work wonders. You can still screw it up but start here. Try to keep your budding interpersonal relationship as shallow as possible. You just meet she doesn't want to know anything from or about you on the first day more then the very basics like name, job, what you do for fun(only list one or two things max), and maybe one interesting fact about you.

Also be like me and in all your conversations limit yourself to one interesting obscure fact a day!! ! I straight up tell people that is there one science fact for the day and I swear I get some people coming back later to get their daily fix.

ALWAYS LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE!

not wishing you gave them less!!



techstepgenr8tion
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10 Jan 2011, 11:39 pm

echobackwards wrote:
I know it is hard but if you want to hit on a woman you have to make contact and then have about 4-7 seconds of intense eye contact! no more and no less. This simple step will work wonders. You can still screw it up but start here.


Lol, you know how hard that is if a girl then turns around and you get a really wide eyed psyched response? I remember being out at some club that happened be 80's/goth, saw a girl that had sort of an attractive French/Spanish bent, was checking her style out and she did that - it must have looked like I instantly went "Oops, never mind" but seriously, I might need to stare at the sun for a few minutes at a time for practice :lol: . (PSA - I don't recommend that, for OBVIOUS reasons)

Has anyone ever figured out why we have that problem? My own case its never negative emotion or ambivalence but overtly positive that feels like a pair of laser pens or burning magnesium aimed right into my retinas.