TB_TB_TB_TB_TB_TB wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Of all the people I have met in real life, on the spectrum, they have all had very different personalities from one another as well as differences in the way and degree their spectrum traits manifested.
And not all men with AS have the relationship problems of many of the men on this forum.
is an AS mans relationship problems be due to his AS or his personality?
Well, I guess that's the $1M question, isn't it? And the answer is: yes.
Some Aspie traits can make relationships more difficult, but there are so many other factors involved I'm not sure how one would compartmentalize it down to a choice between AS or personality. When trying to figure out why an Aspie has relationship issues, you'd have to consider AS, co-morbid conditions, character, morality, values, attitude, coping skills.....the list is endless. I'm friends with Aspies that I hold in very high esteem: awesome people with outstanding character and amazing attitudes. I think many of them are good mates or would make good mates. My dating experiences with Aspies hasn't been nearly as positive, but I think AS played a very minor role in the demise of those relationships. I had some inaccurate, preconceived notions about AS (based on reputable sources, mind you), and accepted some behaviors that I never would have from an NT partner. (I dated one Aspie who blamed his refusal to talk on the phone on AS....he even told me he didn't have a phone. I later found out that it really
would have been awkward for him to talk on the phone - particularly if his wife overheard the conversation. He was actually still living with her when he started dating me. Ouch.)
IMO, there's no easy formula here. You have to consider each person in his/her totality, and go from there. It's worth noting that the Aspies I've known who are good partner material have all been willing to work on themselves and their own relationship skills. IMO, that effort produces a lot more success than whining or beating one's head against a brick wall.
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